My DM hasn't been on holiday for 12 years because she is worried about her house being left empty and unattended

[Mumholidayconcerns]

I'd like to ask for people's thoughts about this situation involving my DM. She is in her early 60s. She hasn't had a holiday abroad, or even a domestic break somewhere in the UK, for 12 years. The main reason she hasn't is that she is worried about her house being empty and unattended for a prolonged period of time - anything more than a couple of days basically. She doesn't have any close friends or relatives who live close enough to allow them to keep an eye on the house, or house sit for her, if she was to go abroad. I myself live around 80 miles away, so it just wouldn't be practical for me to travel there and back every day, which is what she seems to want.

I would assume that most people who go abroad on holiday, or are absent from their home for any other reason, have someone who can either stay in the house or at least keep an eye on things by visiting the house once a day or so while the owner or occupant (my DM in this case) is absent. As mentioned, my DM doesn't have anyone who is able to do this for her. She also doesn't speak to her neighbours, so she wouldn't feel comfortable asking them. Her house is flanked by two other houses on each side, and backs on to another house at the rear. She's had some difficulties with the neighbours on one side, has barely spoken to the neighbours on the other side, and only speaks to the neighbour in the remaining house once in a blue moon. I'm not quite sure what the solution is. I feel sorry for her as I think she could use a break. What would you suggest?

House sitters are carefully vetted. A friend of mine worked as a house sitter for many years after retirement. As well as looking after the house she also cared for a range of pets, sometimes unusual ones like reptiles. House sitters usually do some light housework and can order in food for the householder's return.There are usually rules which limit the number of hours for which the home can be left empty. She got to stay in some wonderful parts of the country and also some very expensive houses. It enabled her to explore a range of places and take holidays she would not have been able to afford on her pension.

What’s the point in living in a house which is effectively an open prison?

or it’s much better if you are going to get burgled to get burgled when it’s empty

does she have any friends close by?

we have ring doorbell
and burgers round here tend to target sheds

so we took obvious precautions

you couldn’t see mail building up from outside
messaged neighbour when we got a package which they took in but you could make sure all packages were delayed
stopped milk delivery (I know doesn’t apply to most)
brought expensive garden stuff in from the shed
hid car keys
hid H work laptop

just basic precautions

I agree with this. Op I suspect that your mum’s anxieties may go beyond the empty house issue. Unless she thinks the neighbour she has had difficulties with will somehow take advantage when she is away and start moving fences or something?

Can you discuss the issue gently with her? Some people can have a form of agoraphobia that means they can go to all of their usual haunts such as supermarket, petrol station, post office, hairdresser, etc, without any problems, but suffer from severe anxiety outside of their familiar patch.

Other women (usually older than your mother) don’t travel alone bc they feel vulnerable on public transport, or they don’t trust their memory or eyesight, they worry about the stairs at the station or long airport corridors, or they have back issues and can’t carry luggage or they have continence problems. One of my sisters is much older than me and worries about the big step down from a lot of trains because she has a hip issue and poor eyesight.

She clearly just doesn’t want to go away.

I can’t imagine she’d enjoy a holiday if she’s so fixed on worrying about an empty house to go.

I’ve never heard of this as a reason not to go and I’ve never had anyone check my house while I’m away.
It just sits there, existing, then I return to it………

I go away quite often. I check that electrical appliances are turned off and lock the door behind me. Nobody checks the house in my absence. Nothing bad has ever happened and if it did, well, that's what insurance is for.