Is going braless in middle age really such a social faux pas?

[DustyHedgerows]

Not sure what's changed, whether it's the heat or just a general feeling of being 'done', but this summer, I have parted company with my bra. I'm middle-aged, not particularly busty, and am just not bothering to put one on in the mornings when I'm not working. I suddenly resent the idea of wearing one, as it's not as if I really need support -it really only sheilds the world from seeing a hint of my nipples under my top. DC are embarrassed to be seen with me and although I don't really care, I've noticed the odd person do a double-take when I'm out. I'm not wearing anything revealing, just a t-shirt, a buttoned shirt or loose-fitting dress.
Is going braless in middle-age really the social faux pas that my teens imply that it is?

I used to go braless when I was younger, smaller and more pert, now in my 50s and larger and sagging I personally wouldn't leave the house without a bra as they'd be too much movement and I dont think some iof my clothes would hang as well due to sagging.
However there really shouldn't be social conditioning to make you wear a bra, as liong as you are comfortable then go for it

The fact that your children are embarrassed should be the most important reason for wearing a bra.

Good grief, you’re not a teenager, you sound as though you’re in your fifties…so stop embarrassing your kids.

Oof, that's harsh. DC are not mean or bitchy. They observe and notice, they watch people -if I was to remark on another woman's appearance in anything other than complimentary terms (which I wouldn't do), they'd be the first to call it out. They'd call out any kind of remark actually because in their world, you don't comment on anything. But I think their discomfort around the bra-less mum thing is them being embarrassed for me rather than by me; they know that it breaks some patriarchal societal norm (and not in a cool, sticking-it-to-the-man way) and they don't want me to be judged by randoms.

Hahaha. Those public sector “meetings about meetings” … wasting half the day for 15 people that could get easily resolved by an email in 5 minutes.

But “randoms” don’t matter. People are largely preoccupied with their own stuff and if they’re not ‘fuck them’. I say, do what is comfortable (physically) for you and ‘teach/model for’ your daughter’s this. If they see you doing your thing confidently, it may help them to be more confident being independent young women.

but surely enbarassing your kids is what parents are for?

It's not about nipples, it's about support and shape as well as modesty. A woman with large breasts swinging around near her stomach is distracting and not a good look. Everyone has the right to look like that if they want to but most people would find it a bit off putting. Just like seeing a man's genitalia on show or someone's bum crack on display. Would it be appropriate at work for a woman to have their breasts unsupported and pretty clearly visible in most clothing?

When I started wearing a bra as an 11 year old I hated it. I found it really scratchy and uncomfortable. So I stopped wearing it. My mother told me I had to wear it and I wondered why. Perhaps bras should be done away with but the larger of breast would find the lack of support and shape an issue if nothing else. Also in public people are going to look if women wear t shirts, blouses or thinner clothing without a bra. It draws attention, rightly or wrongly.

agreed! and especially if its based on some patriarchal societal norm....I mean fuck them and fuck the horse they rode in on.

The doctor was going in laboratories as well as ward rounds and NHS meetings. Senior Reg. Her excuse was that bras were uncomfortable.She was small chested, but prominent perky types/nipples. I was young at the time and didn’t give a toss what people thought. There were some older female admin/manager staff who seemed upset about it and reported it. I thought haven’t they got better things to do? However, the NHS seems to actively encourage complaints, tittle tattle, reporting on colleagues, whinging whining behaviour, jobsworths, instead of just getting a grip and getting on with doing your job.

I just thought live and let live at the time.

Maybe people get more conservative (small c) as they get older?

I remember thinking instead of having meetings where an hour is taken up about inappropriate clothes of colleagues in the workplace, how about sorting out the filthy hospital where cleaners weren’t turning up to their shifts and were still getting full pay as no-one was checking anything.

@JennyBG I'm not sure about that -I just explained what I think the embarrassment is about to Blades2. DC are teen girls. I want them to grow up continuing to feel as relaxed about their grooming and clothing choices as they currently do; they're currently not conforming to any externally imposed beauty standards. It upsets me a bit that they've clearly internalised some of the misogynistic attitudes reflected in this thread, and have come to understand on some level that when we step outside of cultural norms, we pay in some way.

"support and shape as well as modesty"

the 1900's called and wonder when you are coming back....and I say this as a g cup bra wearer

Even Kate Moss, who was the poster girl for braless insouciance, was photographed this week in an ill-advised low-cut swimsuit.

but now you think women should wear bras because people will gawp at them?
I think those who were always "set in their ways" get more so but I certainly haven't and I don't know personally anyone who has.

and this is your opinion or did the patriarchy tell you to say it?

Gosh! Has she been jailed yet?

nah just given a fashion police caution

I think my 38E bra will be staying on forever. I don’t even find it uncomfortable. Surely if it’s not comfy you’re not wearing the right size?

wrong

I hope you can show them that its WORTH doing. Because otherwise we succumb to societal blackmail.

Funny for me that when I had perfect boobs when I was in my twenties I wouldn’t even out the bins out without a bra on . I should have been cartwheeling around the place. Now I’m older they are basically down to my knees and I went to the supermarket today without a bra I just don’t give a crap anymore 😂 Yoi do whatever makes you feel comfortable. You’ve earned it .

I think it depends on your shape. I have a small back and huge tits and couldn’t consider it for a second. I’d look an absolute state. I tried switching to non-wired bras a few years back and the aches in my chest from sagging tits was horrid. Am locked in for life. (Am seriously tempted to try one of those gel bras though.)

Maybe it's the equivalent of these men who wear these grey jogging bottoms with their genitals all on show ? 🤮

Oh, those are fine on the right man. I quite enjoy having a look.

I think you might be overthinking this.