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Is going braless in middle age really such a social faux pas?

289 replies

DustyHedgerows · Yesterday 11:14

Not sure what's changed, whether it's the heat or just a general feeling of being 'done', but this summer, I have parted company with my bra. I'm middle-aged, not particularly busty, and am just not bothering to put one on in the mornings when I'm not working. I suddenly resent the idea of wearing one, as it's not as if I really need support -it really only sheilds the world from seeing a hint of my nipples under my top. DC are embarrassed to be seen with me and although I don't really care, I've noticed the odd person do a double-take when I'm out. I'm not wearing anything revealing, just a t-shirt, a buttoned shirt or loose-fitting dress.
Is going braless in middle-age really the social faux pas that my teens imply that it is?

OP posts:
JudyTeeny · Yesterday 11:47

The only worry I'd have about not wearing a bra would be shall I tuck them into my belt or throw them over my shoulders?

NannyOf8Girls · Yesterday 11:48

Who care? The older you get the less bra's matter....Nobody scrutinises you once you turn 70! 😆...

QueenStevie · Yesterday 11:52

Definitely the shape. I look quite matronly when they are unrestrained. I need them to be controlled.

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KvotheTheBloodless · Yesterday 11:52

I don't wear a bra all the time, I'm a 32A so don't really need the support. I wouldn't go bra-less at work, church or any kind of semi-formal occasion, but just pottering around at the weekend or in the evening I see no issue with.

Seeing the outline of a nipple is hardly going to provoke moral outrage in anyone but the most prudish.

BurntBroccoli · Yesterday 11:54

I’ve found a really soft silky unwired bra from M + S and added an extender to it. It honestly feels like I’m not wearing a bra yet still manages to hoist me up a bit and stops my nipples from too much protrusion!

BurntBroccoli · Yesterday 11:54

QueenStevie · Yesterday 11:52

Definitely the shape. I look quite matronly when they are unrestrained. I need them to be controlled.

Yes this is me too!

Soubriquet · Yesterday 11:55

I’m 37 and I haven’t worn a bra in 11 years

it’s a nipple. If people get offended by a nipple through a shirt, they can look elsewhere

SignsofLife · Yesterday 11:55

I would love not to wear one but I have a large bust and would look absolutely awful. It's not about nipples, more sagging . I find all bras really uncomfortable now.

DustyHedgerows · Yesterday 11:56

MultiBead · Yesterday 11:25

There must be something in the back of your mind that's telling you there's something wrong with this, otherwise you wouldn't wear one to work either?

Personally it depends on the top I'm wearing, although I have a very small bust anyway.

Yes, I grew up in a country where bra-wearing wasn't quite so ubiquitous, and got 'told' quite firmly when I moved to the UK as a young person, that bras were pretty much non-negotiable. So I do feel like it's a bit frowned upon, you're right.

OP posts:
ThatJadeLion · Yesterday 11:57

I used to think so. But not now I'm older and let's be honest, these days most people don't seem to care as much what they wear compared to 20+ years ago... I wouldn't give a

SusanJJ · Yesterday 11:57

Up to you OP, but I wouldn't like people doing a double-take when they see me. You could experiment with a close-fitted, thin vest top under your shirt, something I did when I had a frozen shoulder and couldn't a bra on - it helped.

NerdyBird · Yesterday 11:59

I wear bralettes mostly these days, no wires, bit of support and coverage (am DD). I wear a non-wired proper bra for office days or other more formal occasions. I doubt I’ll ever wear a wired bra again.

SexyFrenchDepression · Yesterday 12:00

I dont understand why you wouldnt just wear one of the comfy crop top style bras, so comfy and avoids having your nipples on show. Its got nothing to do with ageing but I think people dont necessarily need to see your ripples 🤷🏻‍♀️

DustyHedgerows · Yesterday 12:01

SixAndJuliet · Yesterday 11:28

How do your kids know you are going bra less? Cant be just a nipple thing as I doubt they’re protruding this weather unless you’re permanently aroused.

Definitely not permanently aroused (or even temporarily at this stage of my life, it seems), but they have a shape, I suppose, that is separate from my actual breast -like a soft bump at the centre of the aerola.

This is the thing I'm wondering about, really - the idea that a visible nipple contour must signify arousal. I can't be the only woman who doesn't have entirely flat nipples?

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · Yesterday 12:01

I don’t know really, I’m not in the position myself!
I have small but saggy boobs so always wear a bra as I hate the feeling of them flapping about and slapping my own stomach when they move. Can’t stand the feeling of them being uncontained plus surely I’d get very sweaty underneath them in this weather!

LongDarkTeatime · Yesterday 12:01

I actively envy women who don’t need to wear a bra. I wear one simply for comfort/ support and could not go bra-less outside the house. I’d happily go without if I could.
Go for it!

Snuggleup · Yesterday 12:02

Okay.

ISpyNoPlumPie · Yesterday 12:05

I find a bra much more comfortable than no bra. If it’s very hot and I’m staying home, I might wear a soft bra/crop top thing but it doesn’t make much of a difference apart from the fabric being possibly more absorbent. Do other people not get under boob sweat when it’s hot without a bra??!

As it is, my bra fits well and I can’t feel it when it is on. Lots of my bras are a thin fabric and my nipples are sometimes visible, that doesn’t bother me. Without a bra my boobs don’t look good in clothes anymore - not that I’ve ever really gone without a bra, my boobs used to be too big, now too saggy.

DustyHedgerows · Yesterday 12:05

savemydrawers · Yesterday 11:34

Sagging? This is what I usually notice about older women not wearing bras .

Edited

No, my boobs aren't big enough to sag -I don't think I'll ever fail 'the pencil test'. But even so, surely a lower bust isn't such a bad thing? Maybe the silhouette isn't as sleek as it would be with a bra, but it's hardly an eyesore? And for whom, if so?

OP posts:
Disturbia81 · Yesterday 12:08

I always wear a bra as I just prefer the feel and look. But strongly believe anyone should wear whatever they like. If young women can why can’t older women? I hate the judgement

BringBackCatsEyes · Yesterday 12:09

SexyFrenchDepression · Yesterday 12:00

I dont understand why you wouldnt just wear one of the comfy crop top style bras, so comfy and avoids having your nipples on show. Its got nothing to do with ageing but I think people dont necessarily need to see your ripples 🤷🏻‍♀️

Unless you wear a padded/t.shirt bra nipples will show through somewhat.
What exactly is problematic about people seeing the outline of women's nipples?
I am middle aged, very small chested and do not need to wear a bra.
I do wear one at work and mostly out and about as 1) society expectations I guess and 2) to give a better outline under clothes
My sons have never commented - I mean they're used to seeing me around the home in my nightwear.

PinkCatCushion · Yesterday 12:10

Wearing a bra in this heat makes me sweaty around the chest band.
I also can’t bear the feeling a a band round my chest restricting my breathing: even though it’s elasticated it’s still something extra for the ribs to have to push against. I always think male athletes have such an advantage not wearing a bra - they must surely get more air in.
My bras are correctly fitting (I don’t wear one that’s too small) but I definitely think they affect me.
I will look into some of the suggestions on here - bralettes and crop tops.

DustyHedgerows · Yesterday 12:10

7238SM · Yesterday 11:40

I've never been braless in public since I was 11. At home gardening or working from home I'm braless. Its not great if your kids are embarrassed by it though! You might not realise how obvious it is to other people when people are braless.

DC are teen girls and notice everything -a rogue hair on my chin, leg-stubble. They're not that bothered about traditional feminine presentation for themselves, but they're eagle-eyed about and entertained by other people's appearance at this stage of their lives.

OP posts:
mulberrymilk · Yesterday 12:11

DC are embarrassed to be seen with me

There's your cue.

BringBackCatsEyes · Yesterday 12:13

DustyHedgerows · Yesterday 12:10

DC are teen girls and notice everything -a rogue hair on my chin, leg-stubble. They're not that bothered about traditional feminine presentation for themselves, but they're eagle-eyed about and entertained by other people's appearance at this stage of their lives.

Pfffff, I wouldn't dictated to by my teenagers. Not for something like this.