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Finding horrible things when elderly people die. ***Edited by MNHQ to add: TW: contains details some may find upsetting including details of CSA***

520 replies

Dappy777 · Yesterday 14:16

Has anyone else cleaned out a loved one’s home and found horrible stuff?

Last year my father in law died. He was 78, had lived alone for several years and died suddenly. After his death, we went through the house and found a hidden stash of pornography. It wasn’t illegal, but the magazines were called things like ‘Babyface’ and ‘Just 18’. In other words, the models were as childlike as it was legally possible to photo. We also found several pornographic books and stuff he’d printed off the Internet. Again, it was all young and underage girls. My partner was very upset. His dad had an old laptop but my partner smashed and burned it (he was venting his anger). He said he didn’t want to know what was on there and that it was best if his father took any secrets to the grave.

Anyway, a neighbour recently told me a similar story, only in her case it was even darker. After her partner’s dad died, they found photos he had taken of young girls playing in a nearby park. She said it looked as if he’d taken them from his car. There were a lot, apparently, and she and her partner burnt everything.

I wonder how common this is? When my own father died, I found a bit of pornography, but it was all pretty tame and adult. Even that upset me though. In all three cases the men died suddenly. I suppose people with a terminal diagnosis have time to destroy such things.

OP posts:
NonComm · Today 11:51

Still astonished by Emily Bishop and Deirdre.......😳

UnemployedNotRetired · Today 11:54

NonComm · Today 11:51

Still astonished by Emily Bishop and Deirdre.......😳

Need enlightenement ... not a Corrie viewer!

OonaStubbs · Today 12:07

Isn't Emily Bishop still alive?

swimsong · Today 12:11

AImportantMermaid · Yesterday 15:10

A relative of mine found his birth certificate and found out his father was his mother’s brother. He was acknowledged as his son at the funeral. We were all 😮😯

Why would that have been put on their birth certificate?

NormasArse · Today 12:12

My mum had saved all my birthday cards from when I was little. My first birthday cards from my aunt and grandparents were both written by my aunt, who had described me as the ugliest, smelliest baby in X town. Undoubtedly she thought that was funny, as a teenager, but it gave me an inkling as to why I grew up feeling like I was ugly and smelly- it had obviously been said to me as well. I threw the cards away (not sure why mum had kept them tbh) and let go of those insecurities that had blighted my childhood.

My aunt died an alcoholic at 44. I feel no ill will, and was glad I found them, as it explained why I’d always felt ‘lesser’.

I don’t anymore.

Forthesteps · Today 12:15

Over40Overdating · Today 11:14

I tell you what @Forthesteps, I’ll give up my ‘lazy thinking’ when the men who are not like that are as vociferous in their condemnation of the men who are, as women who love to shout NAMALT. That’s who I have a ‘congenital aversion’ to.

I have no fantasies regarding porn. I do know that as long as there is binary thinking that swears no women has ever happily consented to the making or participation in it, those who are coerced into it will never be helped. If you want to preach about lazy thinking start there.

It might do you more good than shining your halo.

Hang on. So people who take a binary view of porn [based on good evidence btw] are wrong but those who take a binary view of a whole sex aren't?

And leave off the halo crap, it's petty, ad mulierem and takes away from your argument - I entirely agree that men should condemn misogyny too, and some do [not enough], but if they are 'all the same' how can we ever expect them to?

I don't think I am anything special. I'm just not a handmaid as you seem so terribly keen to paint me. We are on the same side. Infighting only helps the patriarchy.

JohnofWessex · Today 12:27

There is a photo somewhere of my mother in her WW2 Auxiliary Fire Service uniform that I cant find - she never talked about it perhaps it was to traumatic & my father sitting on a Jeep in a vehicle park in Ostende again where its gone I dont know

Paganpentacle · Today 12:49

Over40Overdating · Today 09:47

As always on any thread where the secret lives of men is revealed we have the great men defenders. The NAMALTS. The how dare you my Derek is not like thats.

You are as much a part of the problem as the men. Because your need to intrude on someone else’s trauma with your self righteousness is why so many disgusting men get to hide in plain sight. To insinuate ‘well your father/husband/brother was disgusting so you are just conditioned to finding those men, not like me and my saintly men’ is victim blaming.

How many men who have been revealed as monsters were pillars of society with a wife and children who knew nothing?

The best you can ever say is your husband, father, brother is not like that to your knowledge. You will never know what they do in their private time like many on here until you are faced with evidence.

As to the ‘ackshully it wasn’t 62 million men’ - you are a disgrace. 1 man visiting a website like that is too many.

Men accessing barely legal porn is not harmless. It has spiralled into teenagers - children - being featured on main stream porn sites. Young girls being pressured into doing this content because ‘it’s fine, you’re 16/17’.

And we will continue to differentiate between porn and CSAM. It is not silly, it’s quite the opposite.

Porn, whatever your personal opinions, can be done consensually and even enthusiastically by consenting adults.
To call anything with children in it porn gives those who want to tell themselves they are not doing anything wrong accessing that content an excuse. Children cannot consent. It is all CSAM. That is the distinction we need to hammer home.

It never fails to boggle me that a site that endlessly villainises the existence of trans women because ‘they are all just perverts who want to harm women’ is the same site where any account of how badly men treat women will be flooded with NAMALT and how dare you insinuate every man is a threat.

Because many of us live with, and love, and are loved by, men who are not perverts.
Because they show us with their words, behaviour and actions.
I'm sorry you haven't met (m)any... or acknowledged them when you have.

DripDripAprilshower · Today 12:52

It’s amazing how many posters are claiming to have found illegal sexual assault images but not one poster has mention anything about reporting to the police so they can protect the survivors or find the perpetrators.

Carla786 · Today 12:55

CRD67 · Today 04:03

You're judging all men by your own family. Most men are decent, sorry to hear your attract the wrong ones.

Victim blaming? You may not mean it that way, but it's hardly pp's fault what biological family she had.

Carla786 · Today 12:57

ForCosyLion · Today 04:29

Oh God, the NAMALT crowd on here. 🙈 The overwhelming majority of men are either pervs or "just" sex-obsessed. Ask any wife how important sex is to their husband. Even if a "decent" man, he'll still be all sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. His wife will be in no doubt of the HUGE importance of sex to him.

They are all the same. Whether their sex obsession comes out in being a perv or whether it's just channeled into a laser-focus on sex with their poor fed-up wives, all of them are, in some way, bloody sex maniacs.

Having a high sex drive isn't evil, some women do too. What is bad is pestering someone. Men who want a lot of sex should pair up with women who want similar.

Carla786 · Today 12:59

BeaRightThere · Today 07:56

It wasn't 62 million. It was a couple of thousand. Obviously not great but nowhere near as bad as that headline figure (which CNN has retracted) suggests.

But it doesn't matter that it's untrue, this lie is clearly going to persist.

Exactly, wanting accurate info isn't the same as downplaying crime.

Why are people so negative about the figure potentially being lower? That's better if it's lower, surely?

Carla786 · Today 13:00

Recklessismymiddlename · Today 08:32

I’d say there are maybe a very few decent men. But scratch under the veneer and it’s there. It’s not women who rape in war, is it?

Yeah, I did a thread a few days ago saying if in a hypothetical science fi, men were paralysed during wartime and women only armies fought wars, war rape and crimes against civilians would be much lower.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5519575-to-wish-we-lived-in-a-hypothetical-world-where-only-women-were-physically-able-to-fight-in-wars-lets-say-men-were-still-stronger-but-immobilised-during-times-of-war?reply=151825087

I thought the first 2 replies were odd, I said myself war would still be awful but surely SA at least would be way lower?

TheFarmatLittletown · Today 13:04

Jane143 · Yesterday 20:28

I just did! Oooh err!!!🤣

Nothing to do with death but I split with a partner due to a drink issue, some years ago but had to stay living with him until some £ came through for me.

To be fair, he wasn't a 'bad' man morally overall, he just had an addiction (which he kept very well hidden, I will give him that, until he no longer could).

Anyway one day I got home to an absolutely revolting, disgusting, noxious smell in the house. I have a very sensitive nose and I was almost throwing up. I was running all over the house trying to locate the scent's source, crying out to him to help as it was so hideous. It smelt like a rancid, rotten corpse mixed with a fishy smell.
Anyway I had been unsuccessfully trying to locate the smell for 30 mins or so when he sheepishly looked up and said he knew what it was.

He had a large, fitted wooden desk, a huge ornate thing, it wasn't possible to move it, it was literally fitted into the wall. It did however have a slight gap down the back shelf of it.

Yes, he'd dropped his fleshlight down the gap. A week or so prior, from memory.

TLDR? 'Gone off' semen smells like rotten fishy flesh.

Carla786 · Today 13:06

Apprentice26 · Today 09:42

One of my friends is divorcing her husband who read pornographic material to their child and cafcas think thats a historical mistake
That’s low the bar is

What????

Looneytunez · Today 13:06

fluffiphlox · Today 11:41

So do you stop loving the boy children when they become men?

Question is can such men hating women be trusted around boys?

Carla786 · Today 13:07

Over40Overdating · Today 09:47

As always on any thread where the secret lives of men is revealed we have the great men defenders. The NAMALTS. The how dare you my Derek is not like thats.

You are as much a part of the problem as the men. Because your need to intrude on someone else’s trauma with your self righteousness is why so many disgusting men get to hide in plain sight. To insinuate ‘well your father/husband/brother was disgusting so you are just conditioned to finding those men, not like me and my saintly men’ is victim blaming.

How many men who have been revealed as monsters were pillars of society with a wife and children who knew nothing?

The best you can ever say is your husband, father, brother is not like that to your knowledge. You will never know what they do in their private time like many on here until you are faced with evidence.

As to the ‘ackshully it wasn’t 62 million men’ - you are a disgrace. 1 man visiting a website like that is too many.

Men accessing barely legal porn is not harmless. It has spiralled into teenagers - children - being featured on main stream porn sites. Young girls being pressured into doing this content because ‘it’s fine, you’re 16/17’.

And we will continue to differentiate between porn and CSAM. It is not silly, it’s quite the opposite.

Porn, whatever your personal opinions, can be done consensually and even enthusiastically by consenting adults.
To call anything with children in it porn gives those who want to tell themselves they are not doing anything wrong accessing that content an excuse. Children cannot consent. It is all CSAM. That is the distinction we need to hammer home.

It never fails to boggle me that a site that endlessly villainises the existence of trans women because ‘they are all just perverts who want to harm women’ is the same site where any account of how badly men treat women will be flooded with NAMALT and how dare you insinuate every man is a threat.

Trans women ARE men though, you cannot change sex.

'As to the ‘ackshully it wasn’t 62 million men’ - you are a disgrace. 1 man visiting a website like that is too many.'- I agree any 1 is 1 too many. It is NOT excusing or minimising to want to know accurate data.

Carla786 · Today 13:09

researchers3 · Today 10:24

Fantastic post, I agree.

Just to add, it was 62 million a month, not annually, not ever.

I suppose a lot could have been repeat visitors... I hope...

There ARE definitely a lot of evil men out there...

But remember also what pp said : It was 62m monthly visits to a broad website, covering the usual range of porn stuff.
And about 1,000 in a specific forum about sleep-induced stuff.

So the 62 million wasn't the sleep rape forum itself.

Looneytunez · Today 13:17

Carla786 · Today 13:09

I suppose a lot could have been repeat visitors... I hope...

There ARE definitely a lot of evil men out there...

But remember also what pp said : It was 62m monthly visits to a broad website, covering the usual range of porn stuff.
And about 1,000 in a specific forum about sleep-induced stuff.

So the 62 million wasn't the sleep rape forum itself.

Edited

You reckon the person that made the 62million claim post cares about facts? She hates all men, that is all that matters.

Carla786 · Today 13:21

Looneytunez · Today 13:17

You reckon the person that made the 62million claim post cares about facts? She hates all men, that is all that matters.

I do get frustrated with people who push back on fact correcting.

Feminism needs facts. No movement can rely solely on instincts etc though these are important too.

It's hypocritical for FWR to rightly point out that TRAs should be happy when trans suicide figures are revealed to be a lot lower than they say but then to react negatively even when there us good evidence for a stat about misogyny being lower. (I know this isn't FWR but I've seen there too)

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