Please tell me batshit things about your work.

[TheLightSideOfTheMoon]

I am unwell and hunkering down with MN and TT for the day.

I’ve just started a new job (today is a day off), it’s all new, I’m not settling in as well as I’d like (I’ve gone from a tiny place to a HUGE one) and I’m kind of hyper-focussed on different work practices right now.

Funny stories will cheer me up.

I’ll start.

At my new work they use poly pockets/polywallets UPSIDE-DOWN!

They go in upside-down and they slide the paperwork upwards into it.

I find it so, so weird. Each time I look at them I’m like, WTAF?

Anyway, that’s mine. Please share yours. Entertain me with batshitness. I beg you.

Yes the micromanaging!
I work in a health related area, absolutely everything has to go through psycho err I mean manager we literally are not able to think for ourselves there...but yippee leaving the sh#t hole in 2 weeks 😁

Quite.

To everyone who hasn't heard of washing your bum:

1. Have you heard of a bidet? It is French and therefore très chic.
2. Now imagine countries where you can't flush loo roll, or loo roll is expensive. Or you prefer a wash for your own reasons.
3. This image is a lota. You might have seen them for sale in the corner shop that also sells buckets and washing up bowls. If you provide them in toilet cubicles, some of your colleagues would probably really appreciate it.

(4. Bum guns are nicer, though)

We've done that at most of my jobs - highlight of the day!

We still use fax machines

I think there's even more chance of that ending up back in the kitchen cupboard than a plastic bottle!

I had this in my early 20s at a big probate company. Had to use a fob when leaving desk and they'd track your toilet breaks. Told them to get fucked pretty quick and left.

My freaking goodness y'all...
I'm a house wife/sahm/ and homemaker.
Can't imagine not enjoying my job

What an awful manager. The things people do at work to stroke their fragile egos.

If that company begins with a T, you want to have tried working there H and S were a law unto themselves.

We used to have to enter every single thing we did relating to clients into our software. One day I was informed that the software was being removed from me - because I used it too much!!! My boss told me that every time I had something to be entered to email the customer services head to ask if someone in her team would do it for me. The next morning I was informed I was getting the software back!

The powers that be decided all IT requests had to go through another business, so we would create a request, they would send it to our IT, who would then sort the issue out. Even for the most minor of issues. IT were right behind my desk but we had to use this new system, which often meant we couldn't do any work until the out of town business contacted our IT dept. That didn't last long!

One place where I worked brought in an idea where everything on our desks had to be in a specific place for everyone. They kept trying to implement current management crap every so often too - we all knew to give it 3 months and that idea would fall by the wayside

The post got took down. I really hope it was genuine

The door was part of the building when it was constructed but with the current use of the building the door should be kept closed. If the use changes then the door might return to use as such.

I assumed that the person on this thread that said they had a new starter that was pink and glittery was a nod to that thread.

My small company has various WhatsApp groups for communication. We work across half a dozen locations and there are about fifteen staff in the groups all together.

Woe betide anyone who puts the wrong query or info in the wrong group. There are eight groups and they all have mainly the same people in. A query about marketing in the stock group will get a hostile response of ‘can you explain why you’ve asked this here, this should be in the stock group’. The same person will then answer the query on the stock group.

And then randomly other important info will be sent by email. The only email access is on the ancient computer in the back office that I visit once a day. It takes ten minutes to boot up. They require a ‘timely’ response to emails. Do they send a WhatsApp as a heads up they’ve send an email? Of course not! Just a ‘can you explain why you haven’t responded’ follow up at the end of the day when I finally sit down to read it. I have asked if I can have email access on my phone but no.

Also the processes for everything are archaic and time consuming for no reason; lots of finding the info on one system, inputting it onto another, and then filling in an excel spreadsheet with the same data. All on the above crappy pc that takes ages to boot up and randomly crashes at least once a day.

All that aside, I love my job!

My god my office looks sane!

Surely holding the phone in your left hand is better for a right-handed person as you can write or type with your right hand while talking on the phone. I'm left-handed and at work I moved the phone to the right hand side of the desk so I can answer it and keep my left hand free.

Woe betide anyone who puts the wrong query or info in the wrong group. There are eight groups and they all have mainly the same people in. A query about marketing in the stock group will get a hostile response of ‘can you explain why you’ve asked this here, this should be in the stock group’. The same person will then answer the query on the stock group

Stock/marketing mix up fail there but you get the idea, I hope.

It wasn't yours, then but another Oil company. Drinks also had to have a lid put on if taken to desks to avoid people slipping on spills. Their whole office was carpeted.

Following for the hilarity

I am left handed and would pick a phone up with my right hand in case I needed to write something down, I don't work in an office but do occasionally use a computer there and at home and I have always used my right hand for the mouse, I just can't do it with my left! 😆

My husband is a freelance graphic designer. He had a contract to re-design some literature for the local council. A couple of weeks in he was called in for a meeting. Advised he was 'upsetting' some of the staff as he was working too fast. Whilst they respected his efficiency, they were concerned with how this was impacting their staff. They asked if he could 'hold on' to his work for a few days after completing before sending, so it would look like it took him a few days to complete, rather than a few hours.

People threaten to walk out if the radio station is changed.
A cleaner who refused to empty bins and also did a piss poor job of cleaning anyway, the place was filthy.
Someone cut their hand drilling something so we all had to wear goggles for safety.
Turning lights off at lunchtime to save 50p electric ( going back 20 years ago)
Not allowed a drink of water between breaks
There's plenty more if I have a think!

@Thegrumpycup and@chatw0o0 - you do know you can mute your Teams notifications? And your email notifications if those bother you? I can't tell you how to do it at present as I'm getting over a very nasty chemotherapy toxicity thing and have been more of less out of action for 6 weeks so I'm not touching my work laptop... but I have done it.

I spent a few months working for various opticians as a locum a few years ago.

There was the one with no working loo (you had to go to MacDonalds), the one where they employed a receptionist who seemingly spoke no English (lots of baffled patients) and my favourite was the one where only the contact lens fitter could deal with contact lenses.

Saw Mr Jones, having issues with close vision in contact lenses, so prescribed a pair of varifocal glasses and fitted some varifocal contact lenses. Optical assistant tried to book him an appointment with the contact lens optician - I then explained, I'd already fitted them and he just needed to buy some and some new glasses. However, contact lens fitter was fully booked for the next three weeks.

In the end I gave Mr Jones a prescription for the contact lenses and he bought them elsewhere.