What the hell is this?

[Scratchnoitch]

I constantly have scratch marks on my upper back/ neck. They’re deep enough that they last a few days at a time and you can see and feel them.

But, the thing is, I definitely don’t scratch my neck during waking hours or remember ever being itchy there. Why would I be scratching to the point of breaking the skin ONLY in my sleep and also not remembering it? It’s a mystery….any suggestions?

Do these guys live in your attic?

Maybe it's the sock monster getting lost in the night and crawling on you

I love this thread 😍

Maybe someone is beating you on the back with a plimsoll

Bison 🦬
I'm in tears, hilarious 😂 🤣😂
Owl from staircase did spring to mind, toowit, toowoo 🦉 🦉 🦉
I have these scratches - I scratch when I'm asleep because I'm trying to stop punching twats!

Maybe there are no scratches? Are you looking at yourself in a mirror, and the scratches are actually on the mirror, not on you?

Inept vampire visiting you?

no husbands, no rings, no ferrets, no nits, no dandruffs. (Perhaps a small ferret but he’s no bother)

Should have known this was just an excuse for a stealth boast...

This is a great thread!

I have no answers. Except mundane ones, sorry. It's mice.

Or scabies.

@TitilatedOcelot my daughter is obsessed with vampires and tells me she keeps dreaming she is one. Maybe she’s practicing with her tiny teeth on me.

Maybe someone is beating you on the back with a plimsoll

I feel like this is an obscure reference you have intimate knowledge of

Should have known this was just an excuse for a stealth boast...

it’s not my fault I am husband, nit and dandruff free. I just got rid of useless shit

Do you live in London?

Sorry about your scratches OP. I can't actually help but I would like to thank you for giving me a much needed laugh this evening with your witty thread. Loving it.

Please tell me this thread is going to end up in classics?

A gruffalo is very similar to a grison, I believe.

How no one has suggested it so far is beyond me.

You're actually wearing a very tight, skin coloured body suit that has become frayed.
Your skin is underneath and in perfect health.

HTH x

Oh my god yes! I have these too! Mine are always long. And because I have a frozen shoulder there’s no way I could be doing this to myself with either arm. What is it???

(I do have a husband, but no bison, nits or owls, I don’t live anywhere near Somerset or London and vampires aren’t real)

Have we already covered stigmata?

Do you own a row of ducks?

They can be surprisingly vicious.

Hair brush maybe? Or loo brush. Try dishwashing it.

Do you ever wake up in the morning with your hair looking like you have been dragged through a hedge backwards?

Do you live in Kent, OP? They have recently reintroduced bison into a wood in Kent, so I wouldn't be at all surprised if it actually is a night bison.
(I just wanted to use the phrase night bison really, as it is wonderful)

If you're not in Kent, the bison are probably hitchhiking up the motorway.

Or maybe the op is hitchhiking down the motorway in her sleep….

Nominated for classics. I haven't laughed this much in ages! Thank you all