I think the problem with Xander isn't that he is Immature boy being an arsehole to women it's the way the other characters, and the series in general signpost that he is a nice guy. It's his status as being a nice guy when he really isn't one.
For example, Spike was rightly ostracized when he tried to rape Buffy, but Xander tried to rape Buffy in The Pack. Ok, he was possessed by a hyena, but then Spike is possessed by a demon.
When Xander cheats on Cordelia he makes one lousy attempt to talk to her then states,he is done with feeling bad, without evet showing regret for his actions. Regret getting caught, yes. Buffy and Willow then often join in the Cordelia bashing, which makes no sense because everyone is tiptoeing around Oz because Willow is in the doghouse.
His lie was intended to literally kill a souled angel- and put Buffy at risk too because she was ignorant of another card up her sleeve (Stallings till the curse worked)
His it's Buffy's fault Riley cheated speech grr.
He summons a demon for lols but no one mentions the fact people die as a consequence (Once more with feeling) whereas Tara gets a telling off for casting a spell with consequences that nearly kill people. Ditto Willow ( though this does culminate in skinning a man so I will let it slide)
Anytime he makes a remotely moral decision it's treated like a huge deal (not taping love spelled Buffy, buying Cordy her prom dress)
I could write an essay on it lol!