Things you should be able to do as an adult

[ThePolishWombat]

but can’t
I’m convinced that everyone has at least one skill that they’ve just never mastered that every other adult around you seems to be able to do!
I’ll start:

I cannot for the life of me work out chopsticks
And do you know what makes that even more embarrassing? I’m married to an Asian man for Christ sake He’s tried to teach me numerous times, but it would appear my stupid, European fingers and brain just can’t work together to eat the beautiful food he cooks with the traditional eating apparatus My 4yo can do it and I can’t

What’s yours?

I have limited success at buying the correct lightbulb first time.

Sparkling I’ve done that a few too many times as well

I can't phone for a takeaway. I have no problem making any other phone calls, but I panic about takeaways. It's the fear of doing it differently to how everybody else does it and being judged for my unworldliness.

Spread non-spreadable butter without butchering the bread

Ironing at a rate faster than 1 item per half hour

Make cheese sauce without it going lumpy

Work out what the different sections in the washing machine drawer do... liquitabs for me!

Cling film
It doesn’t work for me and I’m banned from using it in our house

@bluetue I’m with you on the ironing thing I’ve gone from not ironing anything to now being inundated with school uniform and I feel like I’m not ready for that responsibility

Ring a phone number without getting nervous and having to psych myself up for 10 minutes beforehand!

I’ve never been able to do a handstand and it devastates me

I also can’t tell distances. What’s 100m? Is it like the whole distance of the street or to the next lamppost?

Likewise, temperatures. When people say “it will be 24 today!” I nod knowingly but have no fucking clue. Is it hot? Is it cold? Who even knows.

Another one with limited success buying the correct lightbulbs, but also bin bags. I blame my father, who had a stash so immense that as adults my sister and I never had to buy either. 18 months after he died and there were frantic calls between myself and Dsis panicking about the end of the previously unlimited bin bag and lightbulbs stash.
I've never found a bin bag as good as the ones from my dads stash, they're all shit and expensive. Try as I might, I've yet to track down where he bought them from and how he got them in such huge quantities. He took the secret to his grave just as he'd always threatened joked he would.

Remembering which bin day it is!!!!
Always rely on neighbours

@Kmoore that used to be me....but now my bins live at the end of my driveway to remedy that problem.
Have to walk a bit further to empty the kitchen bins, but haven’t missed a bin day in years

I have never, ever been able to play slot machines. I have absolutely no idea what to do. I can manage the 2p falls but that's it.

I went to Gala Bingo for the first time a few months ago. I was totally and utterly baffled the whole time. I had an Ipad so it was doing it all for me but it was very stressful and I am none the wiser.

Put the hotplate back in the microwave properly. It always fucking starts wobbling about when I'm using it 😠

We went on a Christmas work outing to the bingo and the old biddies looked at us as if we’d come from Mars when we walked in. This was an afternoon, not an evening, and as we’d been at work in the morning we were fairly smartly dressed.
We didn’t have a clue how to play and a couple of times shouted House when we hadn’t actually got all the numbers because we were so useless! They started to get really annoyed with us.
We didn’t stay long before sneaking out in embarrassment

Fold clothes and therefore by extension keep drawers and wardrobes tidy.

Click my fingers

Make homemade gravy (but I can cook pretty much anything else really well)

Play chess (or any sort of game that requires strategic thinking ie connect 4 or naughts and crosses)

I’m sure I’ll think of more, I’m a pretty crap adult.

Make a Christmas dinner

Use a BBQ

Cook soup from scratch

Jump start a car

Drive

Hang a picture on a wall

Bake a cake

Type

Google

Download music

Shop online

Sew

Budget

Do 1st aid

Orgasm during sex!

For the cheese sauce pp, I find the trick is to make the roux, then take it off the heat before adding a small amount of milk. Ensure the bit of milk is entirely mixed before adding the rest and putting back on the heat. It should work to make smooth white sauce to add cheese too...

Another tip for the cheese sauce - microwave the milk first so it’s already warm when adding it to the roux. Means it doesn’t curdle when the cold ingredients hit the hot ones

Times tables

Drive, and fasten a bra at the back

I can’t ride a bike

Tip for bin days and general organisation - family calendar in the kitchen, it’s a faff to pre-populate repeat events but it takes away some mental load

Play the lottery, absolutely no clue as to what to do or where to do it. (on the upside - I may have saved £1000's . . .)

Change a wheel. I'm disabled now, so have an excuse, but I haven't always been.

I don't know where the oil or water goes in my current car, either, nor do I know how to open the fuel cap. . DH said to me last week "how many times have you sat in the car while I've filled up?" I replied "How many times have you sat in the front room while ive made a cake? It doesn't mean you can do it, does it?"

@Papergirl1968 so glad it's not just me at the Bingo.

It was very confusing, and the people with dabbers couldn't keep up. In between there was a really weird extra game where you paid money into a slot on the table and used a plastic thing to check your numbers off. I was just sat there wondering what was going on.