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Original poster

Welcome to the Advice Clinic - Please come in

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 12/05/2019 00:18

Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions? My team of unqualified but experienced Agony Aunts and myself have a 100% success rate. We're very friendly and never judgemental. Even if you're riddled with the clap.

OP posts:
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CarolinePooter · 12/05/2019 20:37

Welcome minnie I don't think pregnancy is out of the question during perimenopause, so the snip is a good idea regardless! Worth a trip to GP though in case the symptoms relate to something else.

If you feel angry and/or homicidal thighland is a good outlet for your angst. We are making plans for a zombie apocalypse at the moment, so that's something to look forward to ;-)

justdog · 12/05/2019 20:38

Also, can I vote for the muumuu for the summer uniform? They look so airy and spacious and comfortable? Plus I had the misfortune of having to try and don a hospital gown recently, it's far too much hassle!!! Like a cats cradle with ties and bits and crossovers... muumuu for the win?

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 12/05/2019 20:44

I'm fine with muumuus too - I just want to make sure my arse is open to the elements. Not for bumsex but for temperature adjustment.

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CarolinePooter · 12/05/2019 20:46

thigh there is Louis Theroux on post partum psychosis, or The Durrells, or The Girl on the Train. Happy viewing!

justdog · 12/05/2019 20:47

May I suggest appointing an official thighland seamstress, who can modify muumuus to incorporate a handy arse flap for such things? Or would that be too much like hard work...

Nowaypast · 12/05/2019 20:47

thigh my eyes are too shit to identify the bald patches on my own, and I'm reluctant to draw attention to them by asking for help. I think I may just have to make sure I never turn my back on anyone - I can probably get away with it from the front.

New job is purely for financial reasons - even though the pay is shit. How were the boxed potatoes?

Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 12/05/2019 20:49

I am finding the peri/menopause delightful - I was already dreaming of homicide and now I can used leftover sanpro as draught excluders - draft/draught?

OP posts:
Original poster
pineapplebryanbrown · 12/05/2019 20:52

The boxed potatoes are actually delicious. How they differ from simply potatoes I'm not sure - I guess they're in a box. I added butter, cheese, ham and tomatoes so let's face it - cardboard would taste good. I'm washing it all down with energy giving salted caramel cake. Also I had a 4 hour afternoon nap today so I'm having to take it a bit easy this evening.

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DanglyTassles · 12/05/2019 20:59

Well now I must partake of a box of potatoes!!

I must add them to the ASDA order quick! It's coming in the morning and consists of 50% Monster Munch 50% other essentials like wine and chocolate. Dh is on a diet, he subsists on low carb shite and is as miserable as sin. Never mind I can at least cheer him up by balancing his lack of food intake with my own excessive consumption right in front of him!

Nowaypast · 12/05/2019 21:04

Fuck, I am actually properly sobbing at Louisa and Spiro being doomed to part. It reminds me of me and Gavin, the deputy manager of Thomas Cook circa 1989. I've switched to Absolute Radio now.

Anyway my vote goes to hospital gowns for the summer. Primarily because if we happen to need admitting to hospital for any reason it can be done with minimal effort and no need to change clothes.

TheLoneWolfDies · 12/05/2019 21:07

Can't stop shouting WILLY WILLY WILLY at construction workers, any advice on how to control myself?

DanglyTassles · 12/05/2019 21:13

Hello Wolf I've missed you!!

Well don't stop of course, I've been doing it since I read it was a thing. It's brilliant!!

I'm always going to do it! You try and stop me now!

Nowaypast · 12/05/2019 21:14

Wolf my advice would be don't hold back. I believe construction workers undertake a module in their early training advising them that women often shout WIlly Willy Willy (and variations theteof) at them.

TheLoneWolfDies · 12/05/2019 21:18

Hello Dangly , Ive missed you too, how are you all? Still pissing in slankets I see!

DanglyTassles · 12/05/2019 21:23

Wolf but of course the pissing is never ending, now we know about voluntary incontinence, no need for the annoying trip to the toilet.

We are having a Zombie Apocalypse soon, please stay for it, it will be fun and solve loads of people's problems!

Although it is taking a long time to come around naked Hmm

I have a semi-automatic piss bomb for it anyway, you need to get a weapon of choice, what are you good with?

TheLoneWolfDies · 12/05/2019 21:33

Could I just hide in the back while its happening? I still have that priest hole I wonder would mr priest let me move in with him for a few days...

If not I will use a Shuriken made of dicks.

DanglyTassles · 12/05/2019 21:47

Well you could do Wolf but you'd miss out on all the fun and all the snax when we take over the Asdas!

Are you sure you don't want to be on the front line of offence?

I will be right at the coalface with my best machete and some pre-loaded piss and shit bombs! Wouldn't miss it for the world!

Anyway if you do stay in the priest hole I shall remember to come look for you and guide you to Asda when the human race is all but over!

Unless I am a Zombie by then in which case don't let me in!

Nowaypast · 12/05/2019 21:56

I'm still too upset at the thought of Spiro and Louisa being doomed to part (I'd be happy to console him) to concentrate on the ZA. Could we postpone it for a few days until I've got over the worst of it please?

thislido · 12/05/2019 22:00

DT I expect Wolf will want to be a zombie like the rest of us at that stage.

thislido · 12/05/2019 22:01

no did you get any holidays out of him?

Lumene · 12/05/2019 22:03

My husband is rude and grumpy but I still like him. What should I do?

thislido · 12/05/2019 22:03

If it happens now, the ZA I mean, my weapon will be my viscous circle, it’s in period shit mode.

thislido · 12/05/2019 22:04

Welcome Lumene. Is he ride and grumpy to you or does he just embarrass you in from or other people? What is it you like about him?

thislido · 12/05/2019 22:05

rude not ride

Nowaypast · 12/05/2019 22:14

It's not his holidays I'm interested in this.

Lumene I'm afraid I don't have much experience in liking husbands, mine never having provoked such a reaction. One of the other thighlanders will be able to advise accordingly I'm sure.