Welcome to the Advice Clinic - Please come in

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions? My team of unqualified but experienced Agony Aunts and myself have a 100% success rate. We're very friendly and never judgemental. Even if you're riddled with the clap.

dangly I've made you a cake. Don't bite down too hard.

CP thank you very much I shall utilise whatever is inside at the end of my holiday! I wonder if I'm allowed out in the gardens! They need a bit of topiary doing! Is topiarytart free?

I've got the most offensive advert here, headed "Tired of your sagging skin?" Illustrated by a before/after drawing of a woman's bingo wings! Some clinic I think.

Good grief I hate to think what their remedy is. A really tight top knot ? Also, some nerve targeting me!!!

It's offensive caroline they need to be taught s lesson!

When I'm back from this 'holiday' we will go to their clinic and show them not to mess with us!!

I have a grapefruit spoon and I'm prepared to use it!!

Obviously us oldies should try not to scare the horses. Instead of taking clothes OFF for the summer weather I shall now wear:

A set of long johns
A liberty bodice
An extra vest
Several cashmere jumpers
Some bloomers
Some thermal trousers
Some woolly tights
Ski socks and boots
A wet suit....

AND A MASSIVE STRAP ON.

Now off for a swim with lido

Now Morrison's 3 for 2 on summer fruit. I think I'm getting your adverts, thigh

Apart from the saggy skin one, that's pretty well aimed at me.

Yay Caroline! We can dry you off in the sun later and I can hang my costume on your strap on.

Couldn’t be arsed to read to the end but there’s some candidates on here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3590370-How-do-you-not-be-irritated-by-everyone

I don't have an advert now! It must be because I'm incarcerated so no point!

Look I’m getting M3’s ads - beekeeping summer school for childers.

Spooky!

lido my strap on is at your disposal!

Yep, some mardy women on that thread. Why are they there and not here ? We're nice, aren't we?

I will read the thread but gotta say not a massive fan of mardy or sulky. Murderous and joyous yes.

True, grumbling won't cut it. We need proper red mist and blood lust!

I'm actually very happy now that we live in Thighland. A murderous cabal of piss stained slanket wearing blood thirsty thisters, the only thing missing from our lives is money and Proj is about to solve that.

Monies coming soon, I hope.

I worry about that thread. I tend to avoid human contact because people have feelings all over the place which makes me uncomfortable. Rather than feeling annoyed because I think everyone’s an idiot. All that eye rolling and sighing - is that what’s going to happen to me as I get middle aged??

Proj no, if you're not a sigher and teeth gnasher you won't become one. You'll just get more and more selective re who you spend time with.

Project I am relying on you for a new life without work [puke emoticon]

I've decided I will stay in this 'holiday sanctuary/sanitorium' until I have a life waiting for me furnished with all of my entitlements including enough resting and a negative stress reading on the barometer, thus enabling me to go forth and engage in dramas (like work) through choice and not the design of my life!

I do enjoy a bit of drama of my own making like the murders and body disposals but NOT responding to emails! [UGH}

NOW I get adverts!! Soap and Glory Haircare!!

How rude!! I love my nest!!

Thisters it has to be acknowledged! I have been gathering evidence and The Ads are out to aggravate us! They know our weaknesses AND our strengths! A full analysis has been done on each and every one of us here in Thighland and then ads released to annoy!

How shall we act against this significant threat to our usual 'calm but sinister' dispositions?

Still lurking whilst swotting up on the assassins correspondence course, thankfully my ads are for Gin and Tiffany's.

Mummy (Hello) once you get truly engaged with us the ads will know and they will hit you where it hurts (if only you gave a fuck!)

So I ask you, are you ready for the on-coming war?

I know. I’ll buy the sanitarium and we can turn it into a murderers’ day spa.