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Welcome to the Advice Clinic - Please come in

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 12/05/2019 00:18

Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions? My team of unqualified but experienced Agony Aunts and myself have a 100% success rate. We're very friendly and never judgemental. Even if you're riddled with the clap.

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TheLoneWolfDies · 12/05/2019 22:24

Asda and snax you say? Well in that case dangly I'm off to dig out my dick Shuriken and will be ready to go asap!!
I wonder if zombies eat dicks aswell as brains... they better not eat my weapon! Its taken me a lot of boyfriends to finally create the perfect sharp circle of willies!

DanglyTassles · 12/05/2019 22:45

I think we need to ask naked what is and isn't included in the Zombie diet.

DanglyTassles · 12/05/2019 22:57

Lumene you could still get along with your dh as long as you remain almost permanently pissed. I have recently had to stay sober more often than not due to migraines and right now I hate dh's miserable disposition!

There is hope for us in the long term in that my migraines are due to the peri-menopause so once this is over I intend to make a come-back as 'The Original Auld Soake"

DanglyTassles · 12/05/2019 23:00

Ps Thigh doesn't drink but she smokes. I used to be that way but now I am this way!

We are all doomed in any case due to the ZA which is apparently imminent!

Orchidoptic · 12/05/2019 23:00

I want to buy a loaf of bread for the week, have no bread bin and no interest in freezing it. Is this possible, or do I have to buy two loaves?

thislido · 12/05/2019 23:03

Buy one and see how you get on. There’s no point buying two at the same time, they will go off at the same rate.

I’ve never found freezing things to be very interesting, but it does arrest the development of mould.

thislido · 12/05/2019 23:04

Bread bins do nothing, btw, so don’t invest in one of them.

DanglyTassles · 12/05/2019 23:04

Orchid you can absolutely make a loaf last a week! I do this every week and I haven't died of AIDS or some shizz yet!

Honestly it's fine!

TheLoneWolfDies · 13/05/2019 00:03

naked please enlighten us on whether or not zombies eat dicks?

thislido · 13/05/2019 08:46

I think your perfect circle of sharp ones will be enough to put them off.

DanglyTassles · 13/05/2019 09:42

Wolf how does one fashion a Dick Shuriken? I think it sounds most charming and will be fun to watch in action during the ZA.

Nowaypast · 13/05/2019 10:17

Can a Dick Shuriken be worn around one's neck in the manner of fierce warrior tribes wearing skulls of people they've beheaded.

If you folks hadn't enlightened me (although tbh I'm still not perfectly sure) otherwise, I'd be thinking Dick Shuriken was an American sports commentator.

Nowaypast · 13/05/2019 10:18

Oh and in case anyone's concerned, I've just about got over Spiro and Louisa being parted forever. Just.

TheLoneWolfDies · 13/05/2019 10:32

Dangly I had it professionally crafted in an underground sex museum in amsterdam, at the time it was purley for decorative purposes, to admire the penises of all my former fuckboys.
I feel it will be a great addition to the ZA, provided none of the dicks fall off or are eaten.. it is quite old at this point. Any ideas on how to keep the dicks fresher longer?

TheLoneWolfDies · 13/05/2019 10:33

Noway yes, to wear a Dick Shuriken around ones neck is one of lifes greatest pleasures.

thislido · 13/05/2019 10:43

Lone I think prob best to set them in some kind of resin? Failing that, cost them in PVA glue and you can have fun peeling it off in the quieter moments of the ZA.

TheLoneWolfDies · 13/05/2019 11:08

Lido resin sounds wise, but PVA sounds far more fun. PVA glue it is!

DogHairEverywhere · 13/05/2019 11:19

Damn it! I wish I'd collected the (whatever the plural of penis is) from the fuckboys of my youth. I'd have quite an assortment. I could have fashioned shurikens and sold them on etsy. What a waste
:(
i just released my fuckboys back into the wild, unmaimed.

Nowaypast · 13/05/2019 11:25

Penii must be the plural. I'd quite like it to be pennies though.

Nowaypast · 13/05/2019 11:30

Did you go to your meeting this?

thislido · 13/05/2019 11:34

Starts at 12. I’m preparing by reading mumsnet.

thislido · 13/05/2019 11:38

How’s the new job?

DanglyTassles · 13/05/2019 11:40

this don't forget to draw eyes on your eyelids first in case you nod off!

thislido · 13/05/2019 11:43

I’m using the ‘Rosebud’ bumtip so that if I nod off I’ll look like a zombie.

DanglyTassles · 13/05/2019 11:44

Excellent! I may do the same! Keep it on for the ZA, we'll blend right in!

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