Welcome to the Advice Clinic - Please come in

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Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions? My team of unqualified but experienced Agony Aunts and myself have a 100% success rate. We're very friendly and never judgemental. Even if you're riddled with the clap.

Proj dear Lord, will 4 cup sizes do you? That'll take me to a DD, I'm not going below a C, I'd fall over backwards.

Oh this makes me so happy

Phew, I thought you’d been captured and brainwashed.

Sorry thigh I'm already DD, any more would look silly.

I’ve always wanted tits that enter a room before me. Can I have all the tits?

I never want to receive a note like that.

One of the scientists should revive Churchy, he could have a crack at PM again.

lido it’s too late. I’m in the bush outside your house.

Proj here's the highlights:

Cat got kidnapped, turned violent, kidnapped and enslaved the kidnappers. Is fucking all the bar boys and wants us to visit/not visit.

Dangly went to rescue Cat on a magic pubepet. I set off swimming with the dogs and my massive tits. DT spotted another big titted woman in the ocean and picked her up and took her to my house.

TL advised me to inflate my tits, blow a whistle and put flashing lights on the end of my tits. DT then found me and I gave her a barrel of rum.

I don't think she's been seen since.

With a rhododendron in your hair?

Mind the boiling oil, the breeze catches it sometimes.

Rag I saw a poster for the fair earlier, any message for the childers?

TL I thought we'd agreed we were best friends? Can we do something together soon? Go dancing? A baby shower? A wedding?

If I had a bit of back fat I think I could go probably go down a cup size. It's all a bit confusing.

La la la I can’t hear you

Speed dating? You'd love ❤ that!

Very confusing when I fail to preview.

poot I’ll take it.

lido don’t boiling oil me, I’m creepy but harmless.

johnny is your husband coming to tidy my house soon? We’ve really let ourselves go since we don’t have to tidy for selling. If he’s too busy then is there a robot tidier??

thigh thanks for the update. I’m worried about dangly and that rum.

That's what Theresa May is saying right now Poot.

Speaking of which I feel a bit sorry for TM. She's a bit of a twat and in no way a Thighlander, but come on - what a poisoned chalice.

I wouldn’t deliberately boiling oil you, it’s just it overflows sometimes when I’m frying things.

Are you going to trim my bush like TTT?

I’m not so great at physical contact. Unless murder.

Poor TM. Not a fan but yes, surrounded by cunts. Who could succeed?

They are a shower.

Oh DH doesn't tidy. He only cooks, shops, does laundry and loads the dishwasher. Oh and childcare. And bedmaking.

He does not- do diy, anything outdoors, iron or anything involving organisation.

If you'd like to be obsessively tumble dried though (not a euphemism) am sure he'd be up for that (not so much a euphemism as a double entendre).