Welcome to the Advice Clinic - Please come in

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions? My team of unqualified but experienced Agony Aunts and myself have a 100% success rate. We're very friendly and never judgemental. Even if you're riddled with the clap.

*too. Not to. I am now annoyed with myself for such basic grammatical errors.

Just is the baby asleep now? I hope so

project we want to sell our house in the next year or so, and the thought of having every room tidy at the same time fills me with dread My usual tidying technique relies very much on moving stuff from one place to another, and shutting the door.

Pooter, can you and Project just swap houses? Save having to buy and sell (and tidy).

I’m one of those too just. I like to push my feelings down deep under a mask of sanity. One day I’ll probably snap and go on a killing spree.

You are so welcome to my house Pooter. Do you have a borstal for terribly behaved boys near you? That’s pretty much my only criteria

Great idea Dog! Why are you both moving it's such a palava? I plan to never move again

Wax so far all is now quiet on the western front... we did go ant gathering this evening, so hopefully she's worn out... ant gathering was less than successful, she tried to stamp on them, and then immersed herself in a puddle of shit. That I then had to wipe off her and my work dress. Sometimes I think it might be easier to just put her in the washing machine...

Project let's join forces!

dog an excellent solution! But it's almost like visiting!

wax keep it quiet about our hot dog masks though won't you! I hope you don't still have a pic of said masks?

project have you done the House Doctor stuff for your house? It looks really stressful. Our current plan has been to do nothing for years then sell as "needs slight updating". Then people can't say they weren't warned!

Dangly. Alas I have lost mine, but I still have the memories of the fields and the dancing planted fondly in my brain.

Aha I can help! I used to be (used to be) an estate agent...don't say 'needs slight updating', just paint everything magnolia...

wax I remember you doing lovely but risque topiary. I do feel that perhaps project should employ you for some landscaping. It would definitely add to the kerb appeal.

Do you have any hedges Project?

I'm sure we can all get together and sort it all for you project with all our skills.
Have you tried hypnotising the viewers?

People get excited by updating projects Pooter. I am exactly the kind of idiot that gets excited by updating.

We did work when we moved in, so it’s not in terrible nick. The main issue is that it’s next to a busy road. So it’s a 300 year old cottage with juggernauts screaming past the front door, which ruins the ambience somewhat.

wax I'm very glad nobody knows about our masked frolics in the field! Phew!

Just glad small one is sleeping now. Please tell her not to stamp on ants though.

THAT’S what we need. A 12 ft penis hedge! And, bonus, it would really piss off my annoying neighbour.

Okay ! I'll do it tonight while everyone's asleep and that way there won't be any visiting involved.

just no wonder you have ingrowing rage! Dealing with the public and being always cheery must take its toll. Glad you escaped. Well we do have a fair bit of magnolia already, so that's a start ;-) where do you stand on risque topiary - yes or no?

Might be noisy though and I'll need to park the tractor up somewhere. Is that all okay?

Wax feel free to use my neighbour’s parking space. She really hates that.