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Original poster

Welcome to the Advice Clinic - Please come in

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 12/05/2019 00:18

Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions? My team of unqualified but experienced Agony Aunts and myself have a 100% success rate. We're very friendly and never judgemental. Even if you're riddled with the clap.

OP posts:
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36
CarolinePooter · 14/05/2019 21:36

project your house is as good as sold! Wax will add thousands to the value!

WaxaCuntee · 14/05/2019 21:37

Oh dear. I couldn't get on the thread for ages then, well at least 6 minutes, I thought I'd been locked out of thighland! Are they on to us?

WaxaCuntee · 14/05/2019 21:38

Okay leaving in ten minutes project. Might take me 5 hours or so. When you wake up tomorrow it will look so cool everyone will wish they lived at your place.

justdog · 14/05/2019 21:41

Wax - we have had lots of conversations about why we should not stamp on ants, and I think the 'be nice to ants' boot camp is getting through the her. Although she is only 1. She just likes to watch ants. All day long... and play with them. And hide them about her person. I think it is safe to say that justbaby is an ant fan!

Caroline - as I mentioned, I am a lapsed estate agent. Topiary (to my recollect) is mostly up the the discretion of the buyer... if you are into privet hedges, then all good. If you are into giant penis shaped hedges, then also all good (except that is not good and possibly why you should avoid such weirdoes potentially buying your house!!!

WaxaCuntee · 14/05/2019 21:41

This you didn't tell us you were a brownie making pro with a special tin?? I saw you over there with Bertrand !

DogHairEverywhere · 14/05/2019 21:41

Would it be a help the sale to threaten prospective buyers with hideous maiming or dismemberment if they don't immediately put in an (above asking price) offer ? (Question directed to Just, as an ex-estate agent)

DogHairEverywhere · 14/05/2019 21:42

What the hell happened to my grammar there?

WaxaCuntee · 14/05/2019 21:43

I'm beginning to worry about the number of ex estate agents here. I hope you now have more worthy jobs

DogHairEverywhere · 14/05/2019 21:43

What's this? What this? Brownie making expertise? Can i volunteer as a taster?

WaxaCuntee · 14/05/2019 21:43

But a great plan Dog

DogHairEverywhere · 14/05/2019 21:45

Although, if i received a package with a brownie in it, i am not sure my first response would be to taste it. I may be more concerned that my dog had shit somewhere inappropriate and it was being returned to me.

WaxaCuntee · 14/05/2019 21:45

Yes Dog, she's over there on some thread with bertrandrussell showing off about her special brownie tin

DogHairEverywhere · 14/05/2019 21:46

Well, she should be here, offering to bake some and share.

theworldistoosmall · 14/05/2019 21:48

You lot move so fast.
Might have fun making my way to the nearest Asda in a ZA.
Of course I will keep you lot updated, I fear if I dont I will be tracked down,
As for the penis hedge, that sounds fun. Where can I sign up (as long as it's in London!).

ProjectGainsborough · 14/05/2019 21:51

So to summarise Pooter we need to:

Paint everything magnolia
Erect (fnarr) some large topiary peni
Leap out at potential buyers and threaten to cut their legs off

I don’t see how this could fail.

Also I want a brownie now.

justdog · 14/05/2019 21:51

Eeek! I wish I had not mentioned it now! ''Twas a gap yah, if you will... only just pissing around with other people's hopes and dreams... and it was a LONG LONG TIME AGO...

If I cast my mind back, then no, I don't believe threats of maiming and dismemberment worked... perhaps try a softer approach, cookies, flowers and kittens???

I promise you that I am in a far more worthy career now. Far more worthy. Can't say, obvs, because, might ruin stealth. And everyone needs stealth!

WaxaCuntee · 14/05/2019 21:53

I just told her to get her pissy arse back here and make us all some brownies.

theworldistoosmall · 14/05/2019 21:55

I can whip up a batch of brownies when the child is in school tomorrow. The least I can do for all the alibi offers.

DogHairEverywhere · 14/05/2019 21:55

Oh, disappointing about the house buying threats :(

Well done Wax. I don't know why people ever leave Thighland to go on other threads anyway.

DogHairEverywhere · 14/05/2019 21:56

Ooh theWorld can i be your alibi too?

thislido · 14/05/2019 21:56

It's true, I was off flaunting my tin on another thread. I definitely did have a tin like that anyway, although I haven't disturbed my baking tins for some time, I assume it's still there.

I like it when I see you lot in other places. I saw Dog being kind to a very unhappy person the other day, it warmed the cockles of my heart.

I think we established the Proj lives in Wiltshire and she's literally the only thing there apart form Stonehenge and the army shooting ranges.

DogHairEverywhere · 14/05/2019 21:58

And pigs, they're in Wiltshire too. Which is handy for body disposal.

DanglyTassles · 14/05/2019 21:59

NC because outing.

That's how you do stealth just ^

Pooter showed us how a few threads back! Nobody can know it's us now if we write that first!

theworldistoosmall · 14/05/2019 22:00

Dog As long as you don't mind the erm special variety, of course.

CarolinePooter · 14/05/2019 22:05

Yes I think we should start doing that again. I'd love to be pompous on a cookie thread but won't chat with Bertrand Russell who once called me a smug racist for page after page. (I'm not! But it cured me of AIBU so a blessing really!)