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Original poster

Welcome to the Advice Clinic - Please come in

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 12/05/2019 00:18

Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions? My team of unqualified but experienced Agony Aunts and myself have a 100% success rate. We're very friendly and never judgemental. Even if you're riddled with the clap.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
36
WaxaCuntee · 14/05/2019 20:39

Make sure you push down the pen so the bib breaks to show your anger.

WaxaCuntee · 14/05/2019 20:39

Nib

WaxaCuntee · 14/05/2019 20:39

Oh I see chuggers

justdog · 14/05/2019 20:43

I have worded half my sign... please help with the final wording.

Welcome to the Advice Clinic - Please come in
justdog · 14/05/2019 20:46

Can I write 'bugger off you Christian weirdos, you have basically stolen from my child'?? Too harsh? And apols to any Christian thighsters

thislido · 14/05/2019 20:48

That looks good. I wouldn’t add the second bit because it might encourage non-Christians to knock.

thislido · 14/05/2019 20:48

Maybe draw a skull and crossbones?

DogHairEverywhere · 14/05/2019 20:49

Fuck off.
No money here.
My soul is a lost cause.

Should suffice for your sign.

justdog · 14/05/2019 20:49

I had not considered this. Thank you for pointing this out. So what shall I add? Piss off weirdoes who go around knocking on people's doors after dark?
It's not very catchy...

ProjectGainsborough · 14/05/2019 20:50

‘Or I will hurt you’ should do the trick.

WaxaCuntee · 14/05/2019 20:51

Good but I would do it bigger and more like

'If you knock on my door I will have to kill you. FUCK OFF'

Why do the Christians need money? They're loaded.

DanglyTassles · 14/05/2019 20:51

The second bit should say 'and a semi-automatic rifle'

That'll learn em!

ProjectGainsborough · 14/05/2019 20:52

You could invite them in and ask if they’ve ever considered Satan?

CarolinePooter · 14/05/2019 20:53

Daub some blood on your door. If they're Bible readers they'll know to leave you alone. But maybe your sign for heathens.

justdog · 14/05/2019 20:53

Think I've nailed it

Welcome to the Advice Clinic - Please come in
thislido · 14/05/2019 20:55

I might be tempted to knock but only because you’d seem like my kind of person.

justdog · 14/05/2019 20:55

If nothing else, at least I've manners...

DogHairEverywhere · 14/05/2019 20:55

Perfect!

thislido · 14/05/2019 20:55

Proj have we had any more offers for our house?

CarolinePooter · 14/05/2019 20:56

The please and thank you is a nice touch.

ProjectGainsborough · 14/05/2019 20:56

Perfect. Manners and a human skull, who could ask for more?

justdog · 14/05/2019 20:57

This if you do a special knock, you would be most welcome to come inside. Although, you have to bring gin and kit Kats (or whatever chocolate you happen to find in your cupboards/pockets... whatevs.

ProjectGainsborough · 14/05/2019 20:58

Nooooo lido. Lots of viewings and positive noises. I really need this to hurry up. I can’t waste any more money on flowers.

justdog · 14/05/2019 21:01

Thanks project and Caroline, I thought so to. I can actually hear them working their way back down the street, and so can Shit dog... too scared to actually stick it to my front door though...
I am basically one of those idiots who gets really angry and internally self combusts about an outrage whilst smiling politely and thanking the purveyor of outrage. And now I am covered in green pen..

WaxaCuntee · 14/05/2019 21:01

Just no visiting is allowed! Although I did have a lovely time at Danglys once. We pruned the bushes and all sorts.