I come from a gypsy / travelling family AMA

[TowerTumble]

I have name changed for this. I see so much misconception and ignorance around the travelling community and towards families like mine. I've started an AMA so if you have any questions to try and stop this misconception I'll answer everything I can!

Sorry if this has been asked

How do travellers afford this big lush weddings where lots of people attend, everything it big big big
it must cost a fortune, who pays for that

Sorry for late reply was at work. Kind of yes. Not actually going to 'sort them out' but as part of the local community they should be named and shamed where possible and people know who they are. The travellers say they live by strict codes so the antisocial behaviour should surely be called out. Non travellers certainly shouldn't approach them as they are too threatening.

From what I've seen, you would never get the chance to experience introvertism to know that you are one. The community I am involved with are generally large families (6+ kids) living in small houses. When a teen gets married/engaged they'll often move into a touring caravan on the driveway. Children are used to a lot of people coming/going and parties where there can be hundreds of people. I know of quite a few families where they have a child with autism and again they just have to get used to lots of people/noise as there is no alternative.

I'm going to be honest I don't think OP has a clue what she's talking about for half of this. She obviously has Irish traveller in her due to one parent but I don't think she lives with them or has ever properly integrated into that lifestyle.

I don't know a single gypsy or traveller who uses those two terms interchangeably. How can you not know the most basic facts that they are two very different ethnicities?

This reads more like you're just trying to paint GRT in a good light to be honest. And being a gypsy myself, I can admit it's not particularly honest to do that.

There is a strict code of conduct, and some Travellers consider stealing (or macing as they call it) from non Travellers acceptable, especially if they don't know them. There was a really good thesis on the codes of conduct done by a researcher in QUB if I'm not mistaken. She was one of a very few who got access to them for research as she built up trust over time.
From what I've seen though there are also women who are in abusive marriages where she has no access to money and she has stolen food/clothing for her DC. Same for those to feed an addiction. It's the same for the general population.

Yes I was very surprised by some of the terminology too. Irish Travellers don't use gorga either.

Why do you clean all the time??

Thanks for replying. Considering non travellers as fair game for stealing is hardly going to endear them to local communities.

And they're certainly not all finishing seconds school. I have no need to lie, my own kids won't be going.

Would you mind saying why? Are you afraid about bad influence? This is usually what I hear. If so, would you be more encouraged to let them stay on if it was a class or school just for Travellers?

OP will know nothing about this.

@ThejoyofNC why won't your DC be going to Secondary school? What sex are they?

Thanks. I did wonder if you just never really got the option to be introverted as it’s quite a full on lifestyle from birth. I think I was having a bit of anxiety watching it because of my own need for peace and solitude, but had I been born into it I could have been very different. It was all the parties, I couldn’t have done it 🫤

How do you tell them apart in conversation if they’re not there? Say, you want to tell your mum that you saw ‘Elizabeth’ earlier. Which one? Genuinely interested!
love this thread, thanks so much!!

Sounds intense, and not a little claustrophobic, but I guess it’s what a person is used to

Remember that Travellers are not a homogenous group. Like any other group, there are classes within it. I know there are some who are considered very MC and have very reputable businesses and own palatial homes and they would not be associating with the ones at the bottom of the ladder who are littering/stealing/fighting in public. Unfortunately you only ever hear about the latter group.

Not my response, but very likely Paddy's Elizabeth, Sock's Elizabeth, Blue Shoes Martin's Elizabeth 😅. The names within the families are extremely repetitive so each Mary Bridget Mongan will be prefixed by her dad's name to differentiate. The men often have the same names too so they get odd nicknames like the above to make it clear who they are.
When a girl gets engaged she'll often move over to her husband's prefix. Eg Small Tom's Mary Mongan marries Paddy Joe Maloney and she'll then be Paddy Joe's Mary Mongan. This 'possessiveness' is seen as a positive thing, a married man and woman 'own' each other and a woman or man will not enter a trailer (caravan) or home of another if they are on their own. Having friends of the opposite sex and texting them is also very disrespectful to your spouse.

To answer you and @sittingonabeach several reasons really. Firstly because I cannot opt them out of lessons I don't want them in. Outside influences probably sums it up best. During their teenage years our cultures just don't align. Most British teens have their reigns loosened to start exploring and experimenting, if anything we tighten them. I'm not against them having an education if they choose, but they won't be getting it in a school.

Which particular lessons concern you?

How will they get an education if not at school @ThejoyofNC? what will they be doing instead? Would they be able to choose to go to university if had the right qualifications?

I don't know anything about the university system. They could absolutely get a degree if they wanted but they wouldn't be allowed to live away.

And @DelectableMe mainly sex education

You can opt out of sex education. Some parents of various religious denominations do so.
The lessons do not encourage promiscuous behaviour, if that's your concern though. Just about choices, and being safe, and looking after yourself, and options for birth control etc.

They wouldn't 'be allowed' to live away?

Why?

Some lessons are compulsory. And it's not just the sex education, it's also reproduction etc. sex as a whole is not to be discussed for our children and even amongst mixed sex groups of adults. A woman would never discuss her period when men or children were present for example. In fact, she wouldn't even use the word period at all even when talking with women, she would use some sort of euphemism.

No leaving home until you're married