I come from a gypsy / travelling family AMA

[TowerTumble]

I have name changed for this. I see so much misconception and ignorance around the travelling community and towards families like mine. I've started an AMA so if you have any questions to try and stop this misconception I'll answer everything I can!

Just want to say I'm enjoying reading this post. I'm originally from County Durham/North Yorks and there's a fair few travellers around those parts. On the whole my experience with them have been pleasant 🩷 One guy asked me where my husband was. Upon explaining that I wasn't married he said "a girl like you hasn't got a husband?" 🥰

We live in a place that has an influx of travellers/gypsies and their horses/ponies for an annual event every year (not Appleby). The cruelty and neglect of the horses gives the gypsy/traveller population a terrible press locally, but people who have tried to intervene or offer water have been threatened with having their houses burned down amongst other things. Is there any way of approaching this that would improve horse welfare and the perception of travellers/gypsies?

We live in a place that has an influx of travellers/gypsies and their horses/ponies for an annual event every year (not Appleby). The cruelty and neglect of the horses gives the gypsy/traveller population a terrible press locally, but people who have tried to intervene or offer water have been threatened with having their houses burned down amongst other things. Is there any way of approaching this that would improve horse welfare and the perception of travellers/gypsies?

if the communtiy will only engage with questions and issues that are to their liking...

The OP isn't 'the community' - she is a person! One person with her own experiences and outlook.

so thats a yes then.

Oh I have just noticed the OP has flounced.

I know a small handful of posters were rude, but the vast majority have been courteous and polite. @TowerTumble Could you not have just ignored the few rude people? You get a few on every thread! Also, some people genuinely have no other experience of 'travellers' except bad ones, where the travellers leave trash and crap everywhere when they're gone, and try and scam people, and steal from people (when they're here/there!)

Disclaimer NATALT! (Not all travellers are like that!) There are many travellers that just get on with their lives, and tootle around the country with their lovely (well looked after) horses, bothering no-one.. A few of the farms around me actually have a few of them doing some casual work for them whilst they're in the county.

A few have settled in a few places in the county (and the neighbouring counties) and whilst they are very private, and most people within a mile of them were like 'OH NO!' (as they thought they would be troublesome,) they have caused zero problems. We have a settlement of them around 4-5 miles from me, around 20 of them, and they have been there around 6 months. You barely know they're there.

But yeah, a few of them are a nuisance, and aggressive, and a general PITA.

BUT NOT ALL.

Please do come back @TowerTumble Ignore the haterz!

!

Surely this is just one individual? I've never had an experience like this with traveller couples.

She hasn’t flounced. She’s just gone as people were being rude.

She's speaking on behalf of her community as the thread title makes abundantly clear.

But when you expect nothing but bad trouble and hooliganism and the worst from someone, that’s exactly what you’ll get.

Why wouldn't they want to prove the stereotype wrong?

Why indeed.

What do you think of the enclosure act of 1773?

Very few people were rude, and to leave the thread because of a few rude answers is unfair on the majority of posters who were courteous and polite and pleasant. There were quite a few questions that she didn't answer too, (mine included,) despite being asked several times (by some posters.)

So yes, the OP did 'kind of' flounce.

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Name changed for this as I work in a project that is specifically for Irish Traveller women and don't want to out myself. For those asking why they are called Travellers when they don't travel, it's the strict code of conduct/way of life that distinctly makes them Travellers, not travelling around. Vast majority of Travellers live in settled accommodation, very few now travel permanently.
It's a fascinating culture, but in many ways the desire to adhere to their 'ways' is what keeps them back and in the very vicious cycle of poverty, illiteracy, addiction and lower life expectancy. Travellers have very high suicide rates, and a lot of it comes from their own community 'ways'. There is a 'shame/scandal' culture aimed towards women who do not conform or are suspected of not being "clean and decent" (ie virgins) and with the use of social media and AI this has made these this much worse and women and girls are "scandalised" across the world.
The women are all usually very nice and on the quiet, meek side infront of "country people" (non Travellers) but the vast majority of men have long criminal records and spend a lot of time in prison. DV is extremely common and most women stay in the marriage.
Where we are there are specific educational projects aimed at Traveller children, but again this seems a bit futile if families say they won't allow them to go to school past 14. OP being a data analyst is very much an exception, and you could be scandalised for getting an education sadly. It's always brilliant to see Travellers graduating college/university and hopefully this will become more normal. I don't see why being married has to be a barrier, there are plenty of online options now where people can study at home part time.
I really hope OP comes back.

@BunnyLake@diddl I can maybe answer that. It is soul destroying to try to live up to cultural norms you don't necessarily share or value, and - no matter how well you perform, still be told you're a chav/ filthy/ stupid/ just a traveller. You might send your kids to school, so they get what the dominant culture considers a "proper" education. Even tho your kids will definitely get bullied and will miss out on some of the education in their own culture and you don't necessarily see formal education as a route to happiness. But they work hard, with all the support you can offer them, and do well, and go to college and get good well paid jobs in a nice office or something. And then one day, mention to a colleague that they're a traveller and the colleagues first question is, why don't your lot get jobs and pay taxes and contribute like the rest of us?'

Unfortunately that's my only experience of the travelling community as well.
That and the pony & trap racing along a local main road with badly treated ponies.
I'm sure many are fine upstanding members of society, but sadly that's not what most people experience.

I think it’s very good of you to post this. Thank you.

I just worry about rubbish left really. Any chance of your opinion on it? Ive not read other posts yet though.

I read Gypsy Boy. It was a very good book. I saw it was recommended by Stephen Fry. I felt sad about his relationship with his Dad. It was harrowing to read in some parts. Is it a tough life?
And randomly are you from an honest family and I ask because my Great Aunt was done out money for her driveway sadly.

Thanks for being on here!

@PieLoe The OP left this thread several hours ago unfortunately

Your qu about if the women are very possessive of the men?? omg the exact same thing happened to me. I was chatting to this man waiting for a bus that hadn't shown up, then his wife arrived to give him a lift home and honestly the look she gave me. Was like I was squaring up to throw her husband over my shoulder and cart him off to my brothel.

She wasn't a traveller though. She was portly middle aged posh white English. Probably called Pamela or Yvette or something. Are you part of that culture? If so, is that, like, a thing? Are portly posh white English women being really possessive of their portly posh white English men? Or was Pamela just a bit weird?

Thanks for that. Are you a traveller yourself? If so, the question I posed, which I was really interested in the answer to, is how do introverted travellers deal with the lifestyle? When watching the documentary it struck me how extrovert it all is, big parties, big loud get togethers, not much time on your own. As an introvert myself I would have really struggled with that whether I was five or fifty. Does a traveller childhood mean you just become extrovert. If you’re not a traveller maybe OP might see it and give some insight.

I came here to say exactly this. I am not gypsy, however I met quite a few in different circumstances (in Eastern Europe) - and I was always impressed about the community. The proverbial village!

The next time I see an AMA my question is going to be how many pages do you think you’ll make before you leave.

It’s a shame really as it is an interesting AMA subject.

Same sadly
I want to feel open minded. I am aware of groups that are respectful and don't cause trouble

But when your sports ground is out of action for weeks due to waste and excrement it is hard to forget that.

And my toddler son was ill and we were at the doctor's when everyone in the surgery was barricaded by travellers driving all their caravans in and we were stuck there for hours while the police dealt with it. The drs couldnt get out for emergency visits and noone could get home or get to their appointments. I'm afraid I never forgot that.

We can't operate as a country with some people deciding the rules don't apply to them.

When I watched the Gypsy wedding documentary I had a lot of conflicting opinions. Yes the usual negative stuff, but I was really impressed with how close knit the families were and how seriously the girl’s saw their own value within their community, a lot of self worth was there. I did ask OP about the marrying young aspect but I don’t think that was addressed.

The families are usually very close, often genetically too. A lot of double cousin marriages. The close knitted side can be really good when everyone toes the line, but when your MIL is also your mum's sister and your SIL is her daughter and also your brother's wife, things can get extremely nasty when things go wrong. When you fall out with someone it's for life and people can literally murder over it.