I had an affair with a married man when I was 19. Ask me anything.

[CanYouFeelTheForce]

Jumping on the band wagon.

I see lots of threads on here about OWs and affairs but I don't want to wade in. So, here I am - ask me anything.

How can you say that the blame lies squarely, 100% with the DH, while also saying that you pursued him, you held the power?

Did you ever have a conversation woman-to-woman with the wife, without him there?
At what point did you start to feel bad for her - if it was before she found out, why did you continue?
Did you ever apologise to her? If so, how did she take it?

Can't you see that he took advantage?
He took advantage of the situation, yes. A 19-year old was throwing herself at him and he took the opportunity. But I don't think he took advantage of me. I absolutely wasn't a vulnerable innocent girl.

How can you say that the blame lies squarely, 100% with the DH, while also saying that you pursued him, you held the power?
Because he could have said "no, I'm married". I hadn't signed a contract or made vows to anyone.

Did you ever have a conversation woman-to-woman with the wife, without him there?
No. I never met her.

At what point did you start to feel bad for her - if it was before she found out, why did you continue?
It actually wasn't until I got into a loving, respectful relationship myself a few years later.

Did you ever apologise to her? If so, how did she take it?
No.

Do you think that most men, married or with someone, would not be able to resist a 19 year old coming onto them?

How did you meet him/how did the affair start?

No, I genuinely don't think it was abusive. I pursued him and I was in control the whole way through

Sorry to say that I just don't believe this. I do not believe that a 19 year old (which is actually very young) would choose to PURSUE a 38 year old married man.

It makes no sense. I could well believe:

• a 38 year old man would chase a 19 year old.
• a 19 year old might delude herself into thinking she was doing the chasing so she feels she wasn't in an abusive relationship or because it makes her feel more powerful to see herself as in control.
• a 19 year old might be manipulated by a 38 year old man into believing she was the instigator.

But a 19 year old choosing that ? Nah don't buy it. Sorry.

Either this is all a pack of lies or you have got some major major cognitive dissonance going on.

Do you think that most men, married or with someone, would not be able to resist a 19 year old coming onto them?
I think most men would be able to resist having an affair, yes.

How did you meet him/how did the affair start?
I met him at work. He was in the same big open-plan office as me but on a different team so I'd only ever said "morning" the same way as everyone did to everyone. I'd thought he was smoking hot for ages so one day I texted him (his number was on his email signature) "I want you, and I'm going to have you". It went from there.

But a 19 year old choosing that ? Nah don't buy it. Sorry.

Either this is all a pack of lies or you have got some major major cognitive dissonance going on.

I have no idea what to say to that. I'm telling the truth.

Sorry to say that I just don't believe this. I do not believe that a 19 year old (which is actually very young) would choose to PURSUE a 38 year old married man

For context, he was completely gorgeous. You say 19 is very young but I was an old 19-year old. I'd been in full-time work since I was 16, I'd been in a LTR for two years, I did all the pubbing and clubbing when I was about 15 so I only went out occasionally and mostly hated it- I'd have preferred to be at home with tea and slippers.

Was he conventionally attractive?

Ah. So you say.

If you had sent that message, he would have run for the hills.

Was he conventionally attractive?
Yes, he was.

Are you saying you targeted this man at work, knowing he was married pursuing him until he gave into your manipulative temptation then ditched him to travel the world when the shit hit the fan at home with his family?

Are you saying you targeted this man at work, knowing he was married pursuing him until he gave into your manipulative temptation then ditched him to travel the world when the shit hit the fan at home with his family?
I guess that's a pretty accurate summation, yes. It didn't take him long to "give in".

If you had sent that message, he would have run for the hills.
He didn't, he was keen to hear more.

so one day I texted him (his number was on his email signature) "I want you, and I'm going to have you".

Aged 19?

ROFL and my first ever . In fact a barrel of

Aged 19?

Yes, aged 19. Seriously, I was mature and very adventurous for 19

I don't think 19 is that young. Most of my friends had children, had LTRs, lived away from their parents, worked full time.

Daft story - as in story.

Daft story - as in story
Okay, you have your opinion. It happened. It's my life.

Did he have children with his wife?

Did he have children with his wife?
Yes, two. Aged 11 and 8.

Do you think he’d had other affairs too, or were you the only one?