I had an affair with a married man when I was 19. Ask me anything.

[CanYouFeelTheForce]

Jumping on the band wagon.

I see lots of threads on here about OWs and affairs but I don't want to wade in. So, here I am - ask me anything.

Hi OP.

I was 20 when I was seeing a man who had a long term partner and child. He was 30 and it ended very quietly when I realised he wasn’t going to leave her.

I can believe you were a mature 19 year old. I had a 2 year old daughter and a house to run by myself by the time I started this affair.

I feel nothing but shame now when I think about it and so relieved that as far as I know his poor girlfriend never found out. His son still has his dad at home and I believe him and his girlfriend are still together.

Do you really not feel even a bit to blame? I feel like I was just as guilty as he was.

I don't know why anyone would doubt you. I did very similar at 19. It didn't really hit me that the dynamic was abusive until I had my own 19 year old child. It really IS young in lots of ways. If she was going out with a married 40 year old DH and I would kill him be extremely cross.

Do you think he’d had other affairs too, or were you the only one?
He said he'd kissed a few women on nights out but not slept with anyone

Do you really not feel even a bit to blame? I feel like I was just as guilty as he was
I feel guilty and I guess I feel to blame in the sense that it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't pursued him. But he was the married one, he was the one who'd made commitments to his wife so in that sense I don't feel responsible.

I don't know why people don't believe this. I knew a lot of girls when I was that age who would've done exactly the same. I knew several who'd instigated an affair with an older married man - I think they liked the power and the thought that they were preferred to the wife.

Not every 19 year old girl is nice!

Do you ever wonder if kalma will catch up with you after you wrecked a family?

What I mean is, I don't like it was six of one, half dozen of the other. I feel it was like two of me and four thousand of him.

Terrible analogy

Do you ever wonder if kalma will catch up with you after you wrecked a family?
I don't believe in karma

**I don't feel like it was six of one, half dozen of the other

But you were the one who sent him that message! You really shouldn't take such little blame for the whole thing.

Wow, you sent that text to a man you knew was married. You not only enabled him to but actually wanted him to put his wife and children through hell. He was a twat, a pathetic flattered twat.

Not a question but you shouldn't be ashamed. It's the past.

Just aswell really as if you had any conscience you would be worrying that this would catch up for you.
Well I think there’s a special place reserved in hell for spiteful women who set out to cause other women and little kids distress.

It is utterly pathetic not to accept more of the blame. Karma does exist, btw.

Any man aged 40 or so who has an affair with a 19 yo is a total perv and a 19 is in no way comparable to a proper adult-ie 30 yo- woman.

I also don’t know why some people don’t believe you. You are coming across truthful and genuine. People will also vary in terms of maturity and behaviour.

Bollocks. You wouldn't remember the age of his kids. You weren't arsed about his family and it was 11 years ago. I have trouble remember the ages of my relatives kids. You wouldn't remember their exact ages.

Enid, you may be on to something...

Why on earth wouldn't she remember the ages of his children? It's not that long ago.

Enid, the op admitted that she still looks him up on Facebook which means she is probably checking out the wife and kids too so that could be how she knows the kids ages.

Its amazing the lengths people will go to disbelieve the perfectly believable.

What is the point of this thread. You're not seeking advice or in need of help. You simply want to discuss in great depth, a scenario which is only relevant to you and which happened 10 years ago. It's hardly an uncommon scenario either.

Really weird.

I believe the story. And I believe no matter who came into my DH he would tell them to do one. So in that respect yes it is the mans fault for not saying that to you. But at the same time actively going for a married man is so wanky. But then you were young and stupid. Sounds like you wouldn’t do it now.

Cloud tree - Given all the stuff about Facebook stalking I think the purpose of this thread was for the op to relive it. She probably can’t talk about it much I’m real life because people would react badly.

I think she enjoyed knowing she could take another woman’s man, (you get some insecure women who prove their worth In this way) and has started this thread to relive what happened by talking about it.
Op am I wrong?

What is the point of this thread. You're not seeking advice or in need of help. You simply want to discuss in great depth, a scenario which is only relevant to you and which happened 10 years ago. It's hardly an uncommon scenario either.

Could not have put it better myself

OP, you seem very detached and almost blasé when answering these questions.
Makes me think that you're actually nothing but proud of yourself.