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Original poster

I had an affair with a married man when I was 19. Ask me anything.

115 replies

CanYouFeelTheForce · 04/07/2018 15:40

Jumping on the band wagon.

I see lots of threads on here about OWs and affairs but I don't want to wade in. So, here I am - ask me anything.

OP posts:
RoseWhiteTips · 04/07/2018 19:13

Why would you be proud of trying to cause innocent people pain?

YearOfYouRemember · 04/07/2018 19:14

I think the fact you had an affair with a married man proves your immaturity Hmm.

RoseWhiteTips · 04/07/2018 19:15

Are you not trying to bigyourself, OP, for some bizarre reason?

You are not unique.

RoseWhiteTips · 04/07/2018 19:15
  • big yourself
susej · 04/07/2018 19:22

I believe you OP. I also think what you did was bloody horrendous, I’m only 20 and I know 2 girls my age having affairs with married men with children. Not my circus and all, but I think the wives should know, both the men are very “normal”.

19 isn’t that young, and you should have known right from wrong, and I believe the girls I know doing it also know that they’re doing something wrong, but they simply don’t care. To them, there’s nothing more to it, it is what it is, is that how you felt?

RoseWhiteTips · 04/07/2018 19:23

Agree that the OP is suffering from a bout of mentionitis. She is thoroughly enjoying going over this sordid episode again.

Failingat40 · 04/07/2018 19:26

Are you not worried that what goes around comes around?

You say up thread you don't believe in karma but I'm afraid you don't need to believe in it for it to come and bite you and your family in the future Wink

gekiort · 04/07/2018 19:29

Sorry to say that I just don't believe this. I do not believe that a 19 year old (which is actually very young) would choose to PURSUE a 38 year old married man.

Really? Why would you find that so unbelievable? From about 19 until I got married at 25 I pursued many older and married men.

LuckyAmy1986 · 04/07/2018 19:30

Why would anyone actively
Pursue a married man? I don’t get it!

RoseWhiteTips · 04/07/2018 19:32

Is that sort of behaviour deviant?

Djnoun · 04/07/2018 19:33

I pursue older men. I like them. In fact, I prefer them.

Newerversion · 04/07/2018 19:34

I don't get it either LuckyAmy! But some people's moral compasses are pretty screwed at times.

Newerversion · 04/07/2018 19:35

Pursuing and preferring older men is a very different thing to knowingly pursuing married men though.

IcedPurple · 04/07/2018 19:36

Yes, aged 19. Seriously, I was mature and very adventurous for 19

Course you were.

Every single teenager who has an affair with a man twice her age is oh so mature and he of course is 'young for his age'. I mean, you'd barely be able to tell the age difference if you didn't know.

At least that's what the married blokes tell the 'mature' teenagers they target. And due to said 'maturity', said teens swallow every word, hook line and sinker too.

gekiort · 04/07/2018 19:38

Why would anyone actively
Pursue a married man? I don’t get it!

Because they were safe. They couldn't hurt me (in the emotional sense).

I am autistic (I didn't know at the time) so looking back it was probably because I found relationships so difficult.

And yes o do feel deeply ashamed at what I did. Very much so.

Unicornandbows · 04/07/2018 19:43

Why are women so bitchy and seek out the 'ow' it's the man's decision to enter an affair regardless of op activily seeking out a relationship or not. It's a shitty thing to be cheated on believe me been there before but like op said she isn't the one who signed the contract for always and forever. Why should she get karma etc why is she the homewrecker lol control your own husband and sort your own insecurities before blaming others when it's your partners fault in the first place. Rather than take the scumbag back in to play so called happy families. Women are women's worst enemies.

BigCarrot · 04/07/2018 19:45

You said you weren't proud of it. Why then start this thread and share the sordid details? Surely you wouldn't want to relive it. You sound pretty proud. Sounds like you helped cause his marriage breakdown then he wasn't fun anymore and you're probably a bit resentful he eventually went back to his wife because you weren't that special to pine after.

Newerversion · 04/07/2018 19:47

Women certainly can be other women's worst enemies- as this thread illustrates perfectly.

Men who have affairs are scumbags, there is no doubting that but women who actively pursue married men are not innocent parties now are they?

Unicornandbows · 04/07/2018 19:50

To be fair she doesn't exactly owe anything to anyone she's single and free. If she pulls out her fishing rod and a married scumbag bites well... Its fair game. Some people are okay with married men hunting others are not. I personally wouldn't want to pursue this option but that doesn't mean I would condone someone else who would.

Djnoun · 04/07/2018 19:52

I've been involved with married men more than once. Like @gekiort says, it feels emotionally safer. But I have huge father issues, which I'm aware of.

keenoonvino · 04/07/2018 19:55

I really hope your husband has an affair and you find out all about it. You sound like an utter cowbag.

Newerversion · 04/07/2018 19:55

So you wouldn't condone it, unicornandbows? you would agree it is morally wrong then? or is there another reason you wouldn't condone it?

NotTakenUsername · 04/07/2018 20:05

Pretty sure that’s an obvious typo and it should say condemn.

Johnnyfinland · 04/07/2018 20:06

I believe you OP. I was 21 when I pursued a man with a long-term partner that I met at work. The whole office was on a work night out and I told him I wanted to check his hotel room for a minibar. He obliged without much persuading. It was, horrific as this might sound, on my bucket list to have an affair with an older man. The first few weeks were exciting, then the novelty wore off and I told him I didn’t like being the OW. He left his partner for me, sold his house, and we were together for a year. I dumped him when his misogyny became truly apparent. He was incredibly possessive and had some very antiquated, shall we say, ideas about women. He had three kids from his previous marriage (that he left when he was caught having an affair, actually with the woman who he left for me, so he had form). He was 40. I really hated the ‘stepmum’ role and wouldn’t date a man with kids again.

I’m not proud of it, but I’m not ashamed either. I was naive and silly. I wouldn’t pursue married men or men in relationships now because after the initial rush it was actually quite demoralising to have to put up with him phoning his girlfriend in the toilet while we were together.

CSIblonde · 04/07/2018 20:16

Was he open about being thrill of the chase bastard who liked them young as he could exploit their naievety? My experience: I was a virgin, v sheltered, v vulnerable 19yr old still grieving my Dad's recent death. He told me he was separated. When I found out he wasnt he didn't give a monkeys, I still have massive trust issues.