Or is this victim blaming?

Actually men are spiked too, these days.

I 100% believe that no one gets raped if men aren’t rapists, it is always the man’s fault.
But I struggle sometimes because I have a teen daughter and I always talk about keeping herself safe, not walking down dark alleys, not going to hotel rooms with men you don’t know etc. (and yes I know you can be assaulted by a man you know, and in daylight and at home, I know all that) We all take steps to keep ourselves safe and we advise our daughters to avoid risky situations. So yes it will always be the rapists fault, but I wouldn’t go to a hotel room with a stranger as I know it’s risky and I wouldn’t have any control if that man was a rapist. So I guess despite agreeing that it’s always the rapists fault, I can see what op is saying about women putting themselves in risky situations. None of us would tell our daughters this kind of risky behaviour is the right thing to do would we? And yes it would always be the rapists fault but we have responsibility over our personal safety to the greatest extent that we can.

Yes. They may have been happy to have sex / sexual contact with the man they’ve just been on a lovely date with / had a great time at a club with. That man can change very quickly once in a private space where he thinks he has complete control of the victim. If she no longer wishes to have sex with him and he rapes her it was not her fault

Why is everything so black and white on this site??? Some risks are unavoidable, some aren't. Is that really such a difficult concept to grasp!?

On a wider note/observation... MN is a high profile site where lots of women chat. It could be a really useful resource, instead its full of women belittling and arguing with each other. It's full of aggression and hysteria, if anything the extremist and unreasonable takes are undermining to progression.

All the posters and the OP agreeing the handbag and valuables analogy...
How are women supposed to leave their bodies elsewhere while they go about their business?

And I agree with the PP who mentioned NAMALT, that I would bet money on the rape apologists trotting out a NAMALT whenever a man commits a violent crime against a woman, yet women are supposed to be these trusting entities, namalting to spare the men.

It depends how you were brought up (I posted just now on that and my own dear dad’s influence) and I thank the judge for clarifying things so that younger women don’t have to be on their perpetual guard like we were.

I think that judge deserves great commendation as his words will really make a difference. Good man.

I haven't read the full thread, but I agree 100% with the OP.
She is not victim blaming, she is merely pointing out that when a woman behaves in a reckless manner, she has more chance of coming to harm.
Same as if you cross the road without taking care, you have more chance of being hit by a car.
As a woman. I know at times (when younger) I put myself in situations that were pretty stupid, thankfully there were no predatory men on the prowl.
Had I been raped would I have been to blame? Of course not.
Stupidity isn't morally depraved or illegal; rape is.

I do see where you are coming from OP.

When I was 21 I had a one-night stand with a guy I met in a bar one weekend. I went back to his and slept the night there etc. Nothing bad happened to me but even now, 20 years later, I still can’t believe I was so stupid to have done it and that I risked my safety so carelessly. He could have done anything to me and I guess I was just lucky that he was a normal decent guy when he could have just as easily been the opposite.

one of my friends was raped by her ex who just called round because they had stayed friends, according to the OP's logic this makes her culpable
one of my family was date raped went out with a man, went back to his hotel, he raped her, do you truly think she was to blame?
I have been seriously sexually assaulted twice, the first time was a man I'd been drinking and dancing with at a club, I let him walk me home and on the way he dragged me off the street, beat and assaulted me. was this my fault or his?
Another friend was raped by a taxi driver
Another family member was pounced on by two men, shoved into a hedge and told "you look worth fucking"
A friend had their drink spiked and only managed to evade a creepy man due to being watchful mates.

There is no excuse whatsoever for the vile things that some men do and having a woman trying to victim blame is just adding to the never ending crap that women have to put up with

Because the only reason for it to be 'pointed out' is to victim blame.

Completely agree. I won't stop warning my DDs about risks and discourage them from putting themselves in the most risky situations. I also won't try to completely curtail their freedom, a balance must be struck.

But if anything happens to a girl or woman in a situation that I perceive to be risky, I won't blame anyone but the perpetrator.

Is it really so hard to grasp that walking alone in the dark in London is not a risk for many of us?

But even if it were, suggesting women not walk alone after dark is only going to make the streets more unsafe. You call this hysteria. I call it cowering.

I got blind drunk at a party night a long time ago (wasn’t my finest hour) and the husband of an acquaintance said he would make sure I got home safely. He then raped me when I was drunk and incapable of giving consent. When I confronted him weeks later he didn’t think he had done anything wrong as I hadn’t said no. That was because I was unconscious and only came to with him “finishing off”. I blamed myself for years and years for being that drunk and don’t drink to this day. I was meant to be safe with him and I wasn’t.
Edited to correct my phone typing its own thing!!!

I understand what you're saying. I think victim blaming can be and has been so bad and also people just accept limitations on women's freedom of movement which is frustrating. However, I think some cases do just make me wonder what the woman was thinking. I remember a case a few years ago where a woman agreed to meet someone online in a darkened hotel room. The person they were speaking to said they were conscious about how they looked so wanted to meet in a hotel room with the lights off. The woman agreed to it. This was the first time they'd ever met in person.

You have a point OP. Imo, you only go back to a hotel room for one thing. If that's not what you are looking for, stay in a bar. What other reason is there to go back to a room?

That being said, obv going back to a room doesn't entitle someone to take what they want, but, what are you there for though?

Yes! This absolutely rips my knitting so see these analogies. We are not inanimate objects. Much like I'm not an unlocked safe in a bank, or whatever other analogy people like to use. I'm not a possession.

I am there for sex. But not non-consensual sex.

I don't see it as victim-blaming, either, OP. If someone has been the victim of a crime, of course they should have justice, and any blame goes to the criminal alone. People don't 'deserve' to be victims because they weren't somehow 'vigilant enough'. But it doesn't change the fact that certain behaviours and choices will sometimes increase the risk of someone becoming a victim. That's not to say that anyone can always avoid becoming a victim, even if they make 'perfect' choices every time, but we can definitely increase the chance of it happening to us.

I'm not smug about making choices that I hope will keep me safer, because I know I could still find myself in a horrible situation someday, but I don't see the sense in denying that there are things I can do to protect myself and decrease the amount of risk in my life.

I understand all this, I really do but I hate that we live in a world where we describe ourselves as “lucky” because we weren’t assaulted when we took a risk.