Or is this victim blaming?

I can understand advising someone against red flags such as in an abusive relationship.

If it has already happened though, it is victim blaming to tell her that it wouldn't have otherwise happened. There's also no way of knowing that is true either considering a woman is actually more at risk when trying to leave an abusive relationship.

If an abusive man is capable of raping his partner, he isn't going to change just because she breaks up with him and may still decide to rape her anyway.

Well, you made a really rude comment to another poster, I haven't bothered reporting btw, telling her she isnt what she says she is, which is purely a personal attack and added nothing to the debate. I just don't like seeing it that's all. For all you know the OP might do way more for feminism than the rest of us.

I remember that, it made all the papers because the comments from the judge were so disgusting, and that was 40 years ago.
Attitudes have certainly changed since then.

Knowing that too many men will commit rape at any opportunity, women need to take some responsibility for their own actions.
I am not on about women walking home or out jogging. But going to a hotel room with a strange man, celebrity or otherwise, is taking a risk that could have been avoided. Most of you will probably accuse me of victim-blaming. But are you also saying that women should be excused from having some commonsense?
A neighbour's daughter died a couple of years ago in a car crash. After going to a house party, she got a lift home from a guy who was drunk and drugged up. He walked away with minor injuries, she died. If she'd had commonsense, she would not have got into the car.

I don’t think risk assessing and keeping ourselves as safe as we can is a complete illusion. There are definitely things that women and men can do to help keep themselves safer than they might otherwise be. Nothing is foolproof but saying it is a complete illusion is unfair and unhelpful as it suggests we should not bother to risk assess or take precautions in life as there’s no point.
I think most of us have agreed that we advise our daughters to take safety precautions even though we hate that they have to

I agree with you. You’ll have the die hard militants that rightly say, it’s never a woman’s fault independent of what she says / does / wears and they’re theoretically right.

But we live in the real world and it’s a case of play with fire and risk getting burned.

Would you victim blame someone who was robbed for wearing a Rolex in Johannesburg?

You are really very naive. I can't tell if it's real or faked. Are you really not aware that the reason the rate of rape prosecutions is so low is because women are blamed for what they are wearing or drinking? And for walking alone/ flirting with men/ not protesting loudly enough/ not fighting them off?

It’s fine to warn of situations in life that potentially pose risk. We all do that with kids and friends etc. We tell our kids to wait for the green man to avoid being run over. If your kid got run over would you blame them for not assessing the risk appropriately?
Its not fine to imply that a women is EVER to blame for being raped.
That’s why you’re not a feminist. HTH.

Really? That's what you'd think?

Your point of view makes more sense now.

If I saw someone was attacked it would never occur to me for a second to question their behaviour, mainly because I believe that humans have a right to go about their lives as they like, as long as they themselves are not committing a crime or hurting anyone.

If you tell your DD not to do certain things in order to avoid rape, and she happens to do one of those things (as many young people do) and is raped, the first thing she will do is berate herself for doing the 'wrong' thing.

I don't think any girl or women needs to be told over and over what to do to 'keep themselves safe.' I don't think it's possible to get to teenagerhood a girl without realising what a threat men are. So helpfully warning women just does men's work for them, by reinforcing the idea that women who can't 'keep themselves safe' are to be questioned and judged.

The problem with this question is that on the surface it seems reasonable, if unfair (for women).

But where's the line? A woman shouldn't go home with a man she doesn't know? okay, that's a line. But... what if she does know him? How well does she have to know him befre HER behaviour was "not risky"?

A woman shouldn't drink in public? Okaay... that makes her more vulnerable. But then are we saying all drinking is bad? Or suggesting that women should not do perfectly normal things that all men can do without a problem?

On that point, where is the line when it comes to women and men being abnle to do the same things? So, if a woman is at risk alone after dark, she should "sensibly" not do it. But we shouldn't be upset about the fact that men can and do? We just accept that women will have to self select out of many many things?

That's the problem witn this "it's not her fault BUT....." argument. the line is way too fuzzy and it makes no sense because it's also completely random. Women get raped by men they know, men they LOVE, all the time. So even if they DO choose not to go home with strangers, they're STILL at risk of rape.

I find it hard to believe the OP has never put herself in a risky situation.

Have you ever babysat at someone else’s house? the dad could have raped you.

have you ever walk to a bus stop alone? you could have been jumped.

have you ever taken a taxi? so dangerous when there have been so many instances of drivers committing rape.

have you ever met up with someone online? you should have your parents vet dating prospects instead.

have you ever been examined by a male doctor? well more fool you.

have you ever taken a train after dark? you shouldn’t have been out in the first place.

etc. etc. etc.

We need to have zero tolerance for this way of thinking because once you allow it, women’s worlds will only get smaller.

it is scarily easy to socialise men into removing women’s freedoms and it’s scarily easy for women to fall in line and self censor.

i suggest you read about ancient greece, present day afghanistan and even the uk attitudes towards women 60 or so years ago when women would be turned away from bars if they weren’t accompanied.

The men in those societies are not biologically different to the men around us today. We women have to stick together! zero tolerance for narratives that encourage women to make their worlds’ smaller.

‘I just don’t get why a woman would put herself in a position where something scary like this could happen.‘

women are raped in their own homes. By men they know. By Friends, relatives, ‘safe’ men in ‘safe’ places.

If we stop putting ourselves in dangerous situations, where do you propose we all go?

My rape was the morning after when was pretending to be a nice guy the night before, everyone from work knew him, he was in a law enforcement role. 'safe' on paper right?

The morning after he raped me after I tried to leave and said no, twice, he apologised after and took me for the morning after pill. At some point you need to take a chance, and end up alone with a man if you want a relationship.

The woman in the Russel Brand case was at work.
Should we all give in our notice?

It’s in the OP doll.

My rapist broke into my flat and raped me, I was sleeping in my bed. Should I avoid going to bed? This was years ago, I still cannot walk through a door without checking 3 times that its locked behind me.
What you think is a lively discussion point on MN is someone else's trauma. Every woman who walks through a door, doesn't expect to be raped on the other side, and if she does? She'll spend the rest of her life asking the same question, and why should she?

Its long past time that shame should have switched sides.

You’re awful. Pray you don’t have daughters.