Sis said no to plus one at Xmas?

No, it isn't the only answer. Some people are happy to have an open house, and others are not, and both are fine.

I wouldn't have invited my friend without asking but in your sister's position I'd definitely have said yes. The idea of leaving someone alone at Christmas when they don't want to be is incredibly unchristmassy.

I think it would be lovely to be welcoming and warm, but thinking of our own situation: we do the hosting, I wouldn’t want BIL bringing one of his random mates to our family Christmas. It would a bit depend on the person. If I knew them and they would fit in well, yes maybe for the meal only. Not like the opening presents with my kids in their pjs in the morning. But thinking of BIL’s friends, they are likely to be hard work and bring the vibe down. They would almost certainly be very hungover, possibly doing lines of coke in the bathroom, and jonesing for a drink. No thanks! I’ve offloaded my dysfunctional family. I don’t need anyone else’s misfits.

If they know them and they are close, it would be different. But it’s not a wedding! You don’t need a plus one! You are there with your children. They should be enough. Absolutely invite your friend to yours though.

I think your family are being a bit mean spirited to be honest. It’s Christmas! A time for inclusion and good will to all men. My parents would never turn away any waif or stray we brought to their door at Christmas and neither would I. What are they worried about exactly? There’s always more than enough food so no need to buy anything extra and squashing in is just part and parcel of a UK family Christmas as for the most part, we all have such small homes.

Yabu. You don't invite people to someones house without their permission. Do Christmas at yours for lunch if you want your friend there.

I don’t think both are fine - one is welcoming and kind and in the spirit of Christmas; the other is mean and Scrooge-like. Better hope
none of us are ever alone for Christmas!

I'm with others here. You should have asked family member initially, and before inviting your friend. However, it's not particularly in the Christmas spirit for your sister to refuse to have the friend there. She may only be refusing as she's cross at you. Maybe leave it for a couple of weeks?

Why is it mean to not host someone you don’t know at your house on Christmas Day?
That’s the weirdest logic I’ve ever heard. How many strangers had breakfast in yours this morning??

Because they don't want too, why has life become 'i have made this decision i demand that people agree with me or they are wrong'

Why is it so hard to understand you don't invite people to someone's house with out checking first

Isn't that what Christmas is all about, or are we now leaving friends alone at Christmas because it doesn't fit in with the "idea"

Tell this family member she's your plus one, there's weeks to go yet, its not like its the day before.

I lived overseas one Christmas and would have been alone had it not been for a friends family inviting us over for Christmas with their entire family. It was a fantastic day. But they were Christian people who appreciated what Christmas is all about, and they were kind and generous. On the other hand op your SIL sounds like a cold-hearted little cow who hasn’t a clue what Christmas is actually about. I’d stay home. She sounds insufferable!

Because it’s Christmas! And the Christmassy thing to do is to say yes. The family sound weirdly protective of their preferred vibe - it’s just a person, they’ll probably show up with a nice bottle of wine and good conversation and add something extra to do the day. It’s very hard to be on your own at Christmas - why would you not take the opportunity to be kind when you have it?

Quite frankly even if it was! Has anyone ever catered so little at Christmas they can’t fit an extra portion in?

That’s happened twice (different friends). I took champagne and chocolates as a thank you. They couldn’t have been more welcoming.

Nowadays I’m happy to spend it alone but back in my twenties when I’d lost both my parents (we don’t do longevity well in my family) their kindness made the difference in being able to bear an already difficult day, rather than triggering off a period of depression.

Not everyone has a nice cosy nuclear family to spend Christmas with.

They’re being a bit mean but it’s their home so can do what they want.

Just invite her to yours.

I host Christmas most years for all the family. I wouldn't mind at all if one of the family invited someone who would otherwise be alone. We've had various additional attendees over the years and that has been lovely as has made the dynamic more interesting. Its in the spirit of Xmas to be kind and welcoming in my view.

I agree with other posters. You can only invite people to your own house. TBH I'd be surprised if your friend would even want to go to a bunch to total strangers' house for Christmas. Go to your family's for lunch, and invite your friend to your house for the afternoon/evening bit.

But can't people's partners be " strangers"?

I've been with my partner 11 years. Neither of us have met his youngest sisters husband , and I wouldn't be able to pick any of the family member out in a line up having met them maybe less than half a dozen times and always when they are dressed up( weddings usually)

Yes and what has having kids got to do with it? They won’t give a shit, too many presents and too much food to worry about a stranger in the house - most would just ignore. Most friends of family members aren’t opportunistic paedophiles waiting to pounce on a briefly unsupervised child on Christmas Day.

The size of their house and the food aren't the issue. The issue is you can't invite someone to somebody else's house - at Christmas or any other time. All the posters talking about Christmas and kindness are missing the point. You can be kind all you want. You can invite half the people in your town if you want. More power to you. But only to your own home.

I came on here thinking it was a new partner and a shame they couldn't come and be part of the family.

Like others have said though, you can't invite someone else to somebody's house. If you invite whoever to yours, they won't be at home all day on their own.

I wouldn’t have refused because they would be on their own otherwise

but it’s their house and their dinner and their day

i wouldnt have refused but I know it would add to my stress

it’s up to you - go to your family or spend the day with your friend

I agree. Talk about the season of good will.