Sis said no to plus one at Xmas?

Perhaps it’s the difference between introverts and extroverts. The latter tending to enjoy meeting new people and the more the merrier. The former tending to prefer smaller and more known guests.

I'm a bit torn. I don't think it's the done thing to invite someone to a home/ event someone else is hosting. But on the other hand it's kind to your friend and they know her so not a new stranger.

I would also feel very annoyed about sister graciously telling me I was allowed to invite my friend to my own house.

I think if I really wanted to spend the day with my friend I would say ok I'll spend the day at home with my kids and friends instead. Family can come over in the evening if they still want to, let me know, or we could do Boxing Day instead. It's still early November so enough notice to change things around.

Jeez, it’s Christmas. Are people really so mean they would see a friend of their sibling alone for the day? Really?? In my family anyone is welcome, we’d never see people alone if they didn’t want to be. Where are people’s Christmas spirit?

I wouldn’t be happy if someone just invited someone to my house on Christmas Day, especially if they hadn’t checked first.

Of cours you should have asked the host first if you could bring your friend. Now you have dug yourself into a hole if you've already invited this friend. You could explain the hosts don't have room for them but you'd like them to come to your house on Boxing day and Xmas evening.

I mean, if you were my sister, of course you could bring your mate. If I were you, I would just spend it with your friend and your adult kids. You don’t really need more than that. You can see the others on Boxing Day.

Where on earth does this '+1' entitlement come from?

No invites do not naturally include a '+1' on them, a partner is extended family and should automatically be invited to most appropriate things but its not just a 'If they get to bring their partner and I don't have a partner then I should get to just get to bring any random'.

Nah they're being mean.

Think I've got an extra 2 for a late Christmas day meal? I'm working until 2. I might invite exdh too. Our table isn't big enough but I can get the pasting table out too 🤣. Dh will suck it up. Adult dcs be here.

I used to go to Church in my old home town. A couple used to open their home to people for a christmas buffet for christmas day. Usually people her dh had met in the pub who had no one. How lovely is that ❤️

‘Christmas spirit’ isn’t a thing for most people outside of movies. The friend presumably hoped for a pity invite (you don’t tell people you are on your own for Christmas unless you are hoping for an invite). Why would you want to be invited to something out of some kind of obligation because it’s Christmas?

You sound lovely OP and I am a bit surprised and saddened by some of the responses on this thread.

i am single, with one young adult DC. I don’t have a large family and quite possibly in the future I will be one of those people who is reliant on the kindness of friends and strangers. Except that there does not seem to be much kindness or friendship on offer, judging by this thread !

Not sure it’s fair that he has to ‘suck it up’ - that sounds like he is reluctant about it and it’s his Christmas too.

There is no chance any of my family would say no to this, we have had various extras join us over the years but I know my family are those sorts of people.

Some people aren't, surely you would know what your family are like with stuff like this? .

I think its miserable but that's just because I can't imagine saying no to someone who otherwise would be alone.

funny how generous people are with other people's time, resource and comfort. It's not kind and in the spirit of christmas to make more work for her sister.

Kindness to strangers is good but people feel pressurised to spend time with others just because we are sold the image of tables groaning with food and hundreds of people sat round.

I think being alone at Christmas will increasingly become the norm (smaller families etc) and people will adapt.

Yeah on MN you're lucky if your welcome if your immediate family, and definitely extremely lucky to be invited if you're a step child, and if you are then expect to be treated very differently to all the other DC 🙄

We have often had last minute guests too, my next door neighbour went overdue with her baby so couldnt host or travel to family so they came over to join us. We have often had SILs or BILs family come also (as in our siblings partners families)

Anyone is welcome!

Would you want to be somewhere where they are just tolerating you because you are a friend of a relative? I wouldn’t.

Yeah, I don’t get the “it’s a family day” and “no strangers”. Isn’t the whole point of Christmas that when someone turns up unannounced, and needs some kindness, you give them shelter? Have people forgotten Mary, Joseph and the baby Gee? Surely it’s a “what would Jesus do” situation.

The more the merrier as far as I’m concerned. I trust the judgement of my family and if someone is good enough for them, they are good enough for me. I can imagine being so mean, I left someone sitting alone on Christmas. In this situation, I’d be declining the big family Christmas and hosting the guest at my house.

Don't worry about him. He'll have a great time. He just grumbles for a few minutes but that's his personality. He loves it really. And likes everyone coming. It's one day.

We're off lots before and after Christmas so plenty of time to chill.

Honestly, if any of my family members wanted to bring someone they could. One extra person for xmas dinner doesn't really make any more work. Even if it did then I'd still happily do it.

I highly doubt it - it’s Christmas and most people push the boat out even a little… but even if that is the case that’s clearly not the case for the OPs family so it’s a moot point

People always talk about being kind but actually it often involves putting someone else out so you can been seen as kind

It would annoy me that you did not ask first. I think it is respectful to ask before and not as an after thought. However I would not say no unless I outright did not like the person.

No but me, nor my family would ever feel we are tolerating an extra person, we would be happy to do it.

I thought I had read all OPs posts, unless I have missed some big back story here.

If OP’s family would be so rude to make someone feel this way, I wouldn’t want to be around them myself.

But it isn’t any more work to host one extra person at Christmas - you cook exactly what you would have cooked anyway! Unless the OP is going to say she is a gluten free vegan with a nut allergy, it’s no more effort at all