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Original poster

Intense dejavu episode

497 replies

flowngo · 02/10/2023 21:26

Posting for traffic as spooked -

Have spoken to my best friend who's a GP but also posting to see if anyone has experienced similar.

This eve was waiting for my boyfriend to ring me to catch up about some future plans, we had been together with my child earlier this eve, low key dinner and chill time, no alcohol etc.
around 2030 I thought I will just go up to bed (out of character for me at 2030) and he can wake me up to chat later on. As I thought this, I had a phone call from him, except it was like a pocket dial as he sounded a little far away but he was saying things like "...stripper pole and don't give me any bullshit about not drinking, I know you drank in Barcelona" - of course I was immediately thinking is he ok, has he been drinking, who is he talking to, what's going on. I hung up and immediately texted to say call me asap, and googled intense deja vu to see what on earth was happening. The words were consistent with something we would have a bit of a row about a good while back.

He rang me and said he hadn't realised he had pocket dialled me, and was confused about the narrative I had heard.
Of course I was completely spooked by this, my friend said to contact the GP tomorrow morning, I know that Neuro won't see me overnight at ED so unless I have any symptoms of an upcoming seizure I'm not sure what to do!

OP posts:
MoonShinesBright · 03/10/2023 06:58

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
flowngo · 03/10/2023 07:00

I also definitely was not asleep or about to fall asleep when it happened.

Find it very unlikely that he could've been in conversation with another woman at this time and it accidentally caught it but anything is possible. I will have to review the relationship today which is a shame as we had plans for various things soon but it is what it is. As I said before, it's not about the content, it's the context of how it came about that rattled me. To have such an abrupt change of tone from earlier that evening.

OP posts:
Kissmas · 03/10/2023 07:01

"I have honestly never heard of this out loud rehashing of arguments down down the line alone?? Staggered that so many do this!"

You're "staggered" that people talk to themselves? That people revisit arguments that bother them?

Forget the "down the line" bit, he accidentally pocket dialled and didn't know you were listening. That doesn't mean he's at all decent btw. The fact you even had this argument a couple of months ago is a red flag. For you to then jump straight to "this is a me problem, there's something wrong in my head" is an even bigger one. Red flag central 🚩

Libelula21 · 03/10/2023 07:02

What a strange thread, in so many ways!

i think the simplest explanation will be the true one.

He pocket dialled you, and you heard him talking to himself about you. Maybe @Kissmas ’s scenario - could well be.

People are multi-faceted and can change very quickly in the course of a few minutes - I’d be slow to dismiss it as out of character.

If he does harbour latent dislike for you, he could be enjoying your anxiety and self doubt over this.

Or else it couid indeed all be a waking dream.

As others have mentioned, your communication seems a little unusual. I found “Who knows what people will do next, see all sorts on mumsnet!” in your last post quite strange for example.

Best wishes anyway.

Original poster
flowngo · 03/10/2023 07:04

All I can say to him, is did he say this, unintentionally or or otherwise. He will deny presumably, which leaves me with only one option? It's a very peculiar thing to hold a grudge on.

OP posts:
Original poster
flowngo · 03/10/2023 07:05

Libelula21 · 03/10/2023 07:02

What a strange thread, in so many ways!

i think the simplest explanation will be the true one.

He pocket dialled you, and you heard him talking to himself about you. Maybe @Kissmas ’s scenario - could well be.

People are multi-faceted and can change very quickly in the course of a few minutes - I’d be slow to dismiss it as out of character.

If he does harbour latent dislike for you, he could be enjoying your anxiety and self doubt over this.

Or else it couid indeed all be a waking dream.

As others have mentioned, your communication seems a little unusual. I found “Who knows what people will do next, see all sorts on mumsnet!” in your last post quite strange for example.

Best wishes anyway.

Who knows what people will do next, see all sorts on mumsnet - how often have we seen the maddest situations, cheating for example borne out of the strangest scenario, many a post which has baffled the OP and turned out to be exactly what they weren't expecting.

OP posts:
Blackcoffee1 · 03/10/2023 07:07

Three options:

  • he was rehashing argument to himself
  • he was arguing with a different girlfriend
  • he was rehashing argument with his friend

Pocket dial, never meant for you to hear it, never realised you were on the other line.

Given you’ve said it sounds like he was addressing you directly, I am guessing number 2. But nowt strange as folk so could be number 1.

Either way, he has lied to you about saying those words because he cares more not getting himself in trouble. The fact that he is maintaining the lie even when you’re talking about having neurological problems makes him a POS.

Blueey · 03/10/2023 07:08

OP, you've mentioned a few times how weird it would be for him to start thinking about this again, let alone ranting to himself about it, when the argument around holidays and drinking was months ago, and your latest texts were about planning a trip.

But it's not unusual if he is still feeling a bit pissed off about it, and in fact talking about normal or nice stuff can wind people up more if they feel like their partner has just 'forgotten' about the argument/issue and is cracking on like normal. Maybe he's still holding onto something and feels frustrated like he can't say anything, as you've both ostensibly moved on. So he rants a bit to himself. I have internal silent one sided arguments sometimes, it's not a stretch to think that some people might have these out loud.

Thinking about it your incredibly stubborn refusal to consider that he might not actually be past the argument suggests even more strongly to me that there's probably absolutely no room for him to raise it again as to you it is so DONE. If that makes sense?

What's the part about the stripper pole if the argument was about you drinking with friends? Were you on a hen do for that holiday and is he jealous/anxious about a male stripper? That sort of thing can be really difficult for some people to move on from. And if he has made the argument about alcohol, when it's really about strippers, then of course there'd be no resolve for him yet, as you will have been talking about it at cross purposes all this time.

It seems far more likely something like that then you had an out of the blue auditory hallucination that coincided perfectly with a phone call.

Original poster
flowngo · 03/10/2023 07:12

I just never realised that ranting out loud alone was such a common thing.

I certainly don't think he would be enjoying my panic over it, calling my GP friend was the best thing to do at that time rather than worry unnecessarily all night long, or visit ED etc.

I'd like to think, if he had an issue he would be direct with me about it, as we have been so far.

OP posts:
Original poster
flowngo · 03/10/2023 07:13

But the argument was, you had a couple drinks on hols with your mates so how come you won't with me on this couples holiday we are on - understandable, makes him feel like I don't enjoy his company as much maybe, or don't feel safe drinking around him perhaps.

Easily resolved argument by me, we moved on.

OP posts:
surreygirl1987 · 03/10/2023 07:14

This is not de ja vu.

Libelula21 · 03/10/2023 07:15

It was the “who knows what people will do next” when the only people we are considering here are you and your BF.

If you’re planning a trip away, perhaps that’s brought the last trip back to mind… maybe he was at home muttering to himself about how he wanted the upcoming one to be different?

Original poster
flowngo · 03/10/2023 07:15

surreygirl1987 · 03/10/2023 07:14

This is not de ja vu.

I said this as it was exceptionally close if not the same wording as I had heard many months back in an argument between us. I thought I was re- hearing it.

OP posts:
Original poster
flowngo · 03/10/2023 07:16

Libelula21 · 03/10/2023 07:15

It was the “who knows what people will do next” when the only people we are considering here are you and your BF.

If you’re planning a trip away, perhaps that’s brought the last trip back to mind… maybe he was at home muttering to himself about how he wanted the upcoming one to be different?

The trip we were discussing was a child's bday day out, hardly a drinking den so no, unrelated.

OP posts:
Libelula21 · 03/10/2023 07:16

Maybe you instinctively don’t feel safe drinking around him?

  • Ah, okay, I misread the upcoming plan - sorry!
Original poster
flowngo · 03/10/2023 07:17

Libelula21 · 03/10/2023 07:16

Maybe you instinctively don’t feel safe drinking around him?

  • Ah, okay, I misread the upcoming plan - sorry!
Edited

I'm happy to have one or two every so often but I don't like to drink alcohol full stop! It's not a him issue. I explained this. We moved on.

OP posts:
BurnToastAgain · 03/10/2023 07:23

OP, I mean this very kindly but have you ever been diagnosed with a personality disorder? Your style of communication was odd yesterday and remains so today. If this is normal for you and reflects your usual way of viewing the world and other people then I think you do need to seek help. The help I have in mind is not from what you term ED but rather from your own GP (not your friendship group, your actual GP) in the first instance.

QueenofTerrasen · 03/10/2023 07:24

I don't understand how you haven't considered that you might have actually misheard what he was saying seeing as it was a pocket dial? It's a huge leap to assume you have some sort of illness because you were half asleep and someone pocket dialled you.

SuperCam · 03/10/2023 07:27

@flowngo How long have you been with your DP? I don’t think you’ve said.

And do you have any diagnosed conditions, either physical or MH-related?

People talking out loud to themselves is not unusual.

But - immediately googling intense Deja vu, ringing round your HCP friends, ringing your best friend who is a GP, casually considering a chat to Neuro, thinking about a trip to the ED (A&E?), thinking about sleeping downstairs with the door unlocked, wondering if you’re in a “post ictal confusion stage” - none of that is usual behaviour.

You were posting until nearly 1am here and back on again before 7am.

You certainly seem to have some health related anxiety and I appreciate you’ve got family histories of neuro and bipolar, but you yourself don’t have anything diagnosed? Just all seems a very extreme reaction.

Ozarkz · 03/10/2023 07:29

flowngo · 03/10/2023 07:15

I said this as it was exceptionally close if not the same wording as I had heard many months back in an argument between us. I thought I was re- hearing it.

Show quote history

But that still wouldn’t be Deja vu!! I agree with others that you sound quite unwell

inamarina · 03/10/2023 07:34

flowngo · 02/10/2023 23:10

It was almost word for word something he had said back then or even a typical sort of rant he would go on. Almost positive there isn't another woman.

OP, you keep saying you can’t imagine your boyfriend going back to an argument you had four or five months ago (not such a long time really) and that it feels like a personality transplant.
On the other hand you say it was typical for him to go on rants about stuff like that back then. ‚Back then‘ is not that long ago, it’s last May/ April. It’s not a discussion you had ten years ago.
The reason for the argument is weird too, but why is it so unlikely that someone who ranted at you for not drinking four or five months ago would also do it now?

Batalax · 03/10/2023 07:36

I’d think you were right about the auditory hallucinations if it wasn’t for the fact he actually did phone you. That’s the point people are focussing on. Me too.

or maybe the phone ringing happened at the same time as this and is connected.

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/23234-hypnagogic-hallucinations

Hypnogogic hallucinations are just at the point of falling asleep. You say you were tired. They seen very real at the time. It really does seem as if you are totally awake. But you aren’t.

Hypnogogic Hallucinations: Causes, Symptoms & Treatment

Hypnogogic hallucinations are brief hallucinations that happen as you’re falling asleep. They’re common and usually not a cause for concern.

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/23234-hypnagogic-hallucinations

inamarina · 03/10/2023 07:41

flowngo · 02/10/2023 23:17

He's not some known gaslighter, has no past vengeances against ex's. Is laid back and keeps himself to himself, low drama etc.

He‘s laid back, yet a few months ago he ranted at you for not wanting to drink alcohol.

winteriscoming2022 · 03/10/2023 07:42

It sounds to me as if you heard the actual conversation you had a few months ago.
I wonder what your bf would say if you contacted him and said 'I heard your words from the exact conversation/ argument we had around me not drinking when with you but with friends on holiday'
Why don't you ask him OP? be clear and assertive. You know what you heard so tell him so. and ask him how this could have happened rather than letting him think you think you're going mad.
My feeling is there is a recording, this all could have been accidental, however I'd bet it wasn't

Original poster
flowngo · 03/10/2023 07:42

SuperCam · 03/10/2023 07:27

@flowngo How long have you been with your DP? I don’t think you’ve said.

And do you have any diagnosed conditions, either physical or MH-related?

People talking out loud to themselves is not unusual.

But - immediately googling intense Deja vu, ringing round your HCP friends, ringing your best friend who is a GP, casually considering a chat to Neuro, thinking about a trip to the ED (A&E?), thinking about sleeping downstairs with the door unlocked, wondering if you’re in a “post ictal confusion stage” - none of that is usual behaviour.

You were posting until nearly 1am here and back on again before 7am.

You certainly seem to have some health related anxiety and I appreciate you’ve got family histories of neuro and bipolar, but you yourself don’t have anything diagnosed? Just all seems a very extreme reaction.

It really did spook me. Maybe nobody else would be concerned if their DP went from calm to suddenly ranting about a past topic in an aggressive monotone?

OP posts: