To be upset over this

Wow op I think you’ve had some revelations including how self centred your husband his and how you’re not a priority for him at all. He’s just worried he will have to do more for his parents without the house slave around. Have you any family members or friends who can go wiht you to get your stuff? If he won’t let you in or gets aggro, you can call the police as its your house too and he can’t stop you going in and getting your stuff.

remember not to continue to put yourself last here- you have the right to everything of yours and half the joint stuff really. So if there are dishes blankets cake pans you particularly like, pack them up too when you go- snap a photo of The item and the cupboard so he can’t spin lies.

Your real problem is conveyed here:

If I start spending time with friends my husband will get funny and say "Oh I tnink they realise your not bothered about them" which makes me feel guilty.

To me this is more damning than anything else you've said about your OH. You've bust your balls running around after his parents and yet you don't get to have time out and do what you want and see who you want that will bring you relaxation and relief? Fuck that shit.

i recently threw a party for me and my DH's 25th anniversary, and we felt obliged to make short speeches.

Mine was basically quoting Esther Perel:

1. “Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy. Our need for togetherness exists alongside our need for separateness.”

1. “Today, we turn to one person to provide what an entire village once did: a sense of grounding, meaning, and continuity. At the same time, we expect our committed relationships to be romantic as well as emotionally and sexually fulfilling. Is it any wonder that so many relationships crumble under the weight of it all?”

I think we're successful (so far)because a huge section of our lives is autonomous and on our own account. Ever since our two kids were tiny we've still gone out and done stuff on our own/in our own spheres. We have a very well established/ancient friend network so there's always someone to do something with.

But OP why is your partner not getting that you need your own connections/family time and fully supporting you in this? You are doing all your roles perfect. Why is he being guilt-tripping about this basic stuff?

Why do couples sabotage each other? Isn't it easier to bless your partner with those little getaways/adventures/time outs, and get brownie points, and hear about it later?

You poor thing, they really saw you coming. Distance yourself for your own sake.

You can ask the police to accompany you when you go to the house to collect pets and belongings

OP, they've groomed and moulded you into a model of what they've wanted (knowing you'll conform to their whims and desires) by laying on the 'you're our daughter' schtick and when you've pushed back, they've thought nothing of ostracising you and making you feel you're the problem.

You're husband comes across as a spineless bastard who is his parents sidekick. Lose the lot of them and live your life in peace and tranquility. Focus on the people that matter- you and your family and friends. You only get once chance at life so make it count.

Wishing you luck and a happy future.

Oh my goodness OP.

I am so sorry.

As expected.

You were targeted by your husband for your youth.

He and his parents have used and abused your kindness for years thanklessly.

The penny has dropped and you have said no more.

Your controlling abusive husband will not stand for this and is now turning up the pressure on you to get back in your box, shut up, and do as you are told.

Absolutely call the police.
Tell them you have left your highly controlling abusive husband and are afraid for your safety to return for your pets and belongings.

Take all important paperwork with you.

Get good legal advice and divorce him.

You are still a young woman with a great future ahead of you.

You don't need to waste it being carer for a horrible old man and his parents.

Do not doubt yourself.

Their upset, tears and fury is because their skivvy has said no more.

Please keep posting.

We are here for you.

I suspect you will see the full breathe of his ugliness and nastiness the more you stand up for yourself.

All financials, pensions, shares, pay slips, band accounts, property deeds.

A forensic accountant via your solicitor would be money well spent if you think he will hide money.

Funny how it's acceptable to use and take the piss out of people, but as soon as you put boundaries in place 'you' are the problem.