'I'm not meant to be a bloke': Woman who changed gender to become man called Lee says sex swap was a huge mistake

[TrashyTerf]

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6351711/Hemel-Hempstead-transgender-man-60-regrets-gender-reassignment-surgery-11-years-on.html

Warning: DM link! (Although I'd rather click on a DM link than a Guardian link these days!)

Trigger warning: child abuse details included below

*"A transgender man who had a sex change 15 years ago has branded it the biggest mistake of his life and wishes he was still a woman.

Lee Harries, 60, of Hemel Hempstead, Hertfordshire, was born Debbie Karemer but underwent gender reassignment surgery at the age of 44.

After years of struggling with his sexual identity, he had his breasts, uterus, ovaries and fallopian tubes removed, before doctors made a prosthetic penis for him.

But years later he says: 'I'm not meant to be a bloke' and believes he is not transgender.

Mr Harries, who married his partner Alan before he transitioned, has undergone counselling, where experts have told him he has PTSD as a result of being sexually assaulted by his father."*

Heavens that is a sad story tbf
But being sexually attracted to a fishing rod
Cripes

I noticed that there were a few straight after the smoke bombing incident - I wonder if it’s had an impact?

This is so, so sad. And what we have been saying, that many people who are confused about their identity and/or sex have experienced serious trauma as a child.

The effects of sexual abuse as a child are nothing to laugh at, however bizarre they seem. She was an innocent vulnerable child abused by the person who a was supposed to protect her, her father. It is a terrible thing to have to overcome.

Middle age is a classic age to experience one's life falling apart as trauma rises to the surface after years of trying to hold it all together and keep the trauma at bay. But she was failed by doctors.

My heart goes out to them and I hope they get the help they need now.

There is a mirror story as well www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/im-still-debbie-man-reveals-13532989

It is a desperately sad story and one that should be taken seriously. It talks about the realities of surgery and life long medication.

He has spoken out on the 'taboo' subject of gender reassignment reversal to encourage others to seek talking therapy before surgery.

The original seems to be from the Mirror.

some pertinent points:

"After undergoing years of counselling, he says he has finally discovered he wasn't transgender. Instead, he says, he was a woman suffering with horrific complex PTSD after years of sexual abuse.

"Looking back now I realise that it was simply a feeling that if I didn't have a vagina, I couldn't be raped," he revealed.

"I feel completely 'mutilated'," he added."

He says he should never have been allowed to transition, claiming sexual abuse sparked his dissatisfaction with his female body.

He alleges his father raped and abused him when he was a teenager, but died five years ago, before he could be charged.

Now, he looks in the mirror "through the eyes of that terrified 15-year-old girl and see this funny little man staring back at me".

"The thing with objectum sexuality is they are addictions and I felt compelled to have them," he recalled.

"Looking back it was just a way of coping with the trauma."

Lee tied the knot with Alan in December 1997. But his self-loathing became so extreme he almost cut off his breasts with kitchen scissors.

It was in 2002 that he first heard of transgender and gender reassignment surgery while watching an episode of the chat show Kilroy in his living room.

"The programme was introduced as a 'special' where transgender men and women were on," he said.

"At the time it was a state of mind no body really spoke about.

"I remember seeing them on the TV and thinking 'that's me!'

"I suppose they seemed confident in themselves and seemed accepted.

He has spoken out on the 'taboo' subject of gender reassignment reversal to encourage others to seek talking therapy before surgery."

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/im-still-debbie-man-reveals-13532989

I don't know if the use of male pronouns is Lee's preference or because of press / IPSO guidelines. I'm hoping that its the former

ThisTimeNextYearBillionaire the laughing smiley faces on your post are disgusting.

It is really sad.

I hope Lee finds some peace from it all. Lee's partner seems to be supportive through it all and that cannot have been easy.

But this never happens, right?

This is just sad. This is why "gatekeeping" is a good thing, so that motivations can be thoroughly examined and therapy provided before any irreversible decisions are made.

Terribly sad and upsetting. I wonder how many teenage girls now deciding they want to be boys, will have been swayed by sexual abuse ?

I don't understand. The person the story is about says: "'I'm a woman I'm not meant to be a bloke." The person is biologically female.

Whey are they using masculine pronouns in the article?

Ah! I'm really sorry. I didn't read the article. It sounds like i've misjudged the contents. I'll report the post. I didn't mean to offend.

Whey are they using masculine pronouns in the article?

It may be the preference of person interviewed.
They may have a GRC and so be legally male?

It may be the papers' inhouse guidelines.

It may be IPSO regulations.

Grace

The UK press is apparently paranoid about getting it wrong, so much so that in this case, they've got it wrong.

The UK press is apparently paranoid about getting it wrong, so much so that in this case, they've got it wrong.

They are also quite tightly bound by agreements / policies following lobbying by TransMedia Watch etc

Editors alluded to this when questioned during the Home Affairs Committee back in April:

threads:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3233421-Home-Affairs-Committee-Hate-crime-enquiry-Newspaper-editors-interviewed

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3238618-Trans-Media-Watch-has-written-to-parliament-saying-trans-identified-male-can-be-considered-as-hate-speech-and-that-Mumsnet-users-referring-to-penises-are-being-transphobic

Kirkup's article in The Spectator response discussed here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3237268-James-Kirkup-article-Why-are-some-MPs-trying-to-shut-down-the-transgender-debate

Such a sad story. I'm glad at least she seems to have a supportive partner.

I saw a documentary years ago, about people in the states who are convinced they have one limb too many and are able to persuade surgeons to amputate for them. I found myself saying repeatedly "And months or years later, when you realise it was not what you really wanted, how will you feel?"

Sunk costs fallacy clearly doesn't work for everyone.

This is heartbreaking.

I hope she finds peace.

She seems to have made peace with the situation. However, I hope that she sues the people who did this to her. The lawsuits are what will end this madness and scare people off.

So sad.

And the evidence of the infections he suffers and the issues of the hormones causing problems shows the potential drawbacks lying ahead for any one going through surgery and hormones treatment. Hope he can find peace.

Adding to R0wantrees' post, here are some other pertinent points from The Mirror.

Warning: graphic content & possible "misgendering" (Since this person says unequivocally "I'm a woman, I'm not meant to be a bloke" & "I'm still Debbie", I'm going to use female pronouns. Reading all she's said, using male pronouns feels wrong.)

In The Mirror, she describes complications she has suffered from the medical interventions:

"After the second operation I had an infection in my vagina caused by the testosterone upsetting the 'normal' flora of the vagina. Puss and blood kept coming out and I had to wear sanitary towels again!

"The infections left such a terrible smell - as if something had died.

"I lived with the smell of rotting flesh for years. I've had countless infections with my body rejecting what is happening to me.

"I now suffer with recurring bladder infections as all the invasive surgeries have left it incredibly weak."

In The Mirror account she also blames "the huge mistake" of her transition on two things: the trauma of being sexually abused by her father as a teenager AND "the lack of talking therapies" offered when she initially decided to explore transitioning in her 40s. She saw a private psychiatrist who prescribed testosterone the first visit.

"I should have had help somewhere along the line," she said.

"Nobody ever raised the idea that I could feel like this due to trauma. Not once - until it was all done."

"Nobody ever raised the idea that I could feel like this due to trauma. Not once - until it was all done."

It's due to trauma for an awful lot of people, and those TRAs trying to suppress that information are actively preventing people from getting the help that they need.

So much medical negligence, where is the care? Shocking story, so brave of her to share it.

"Nobody ever raised the idea that I could feel like this due to trauma. Not once - until it was all done."

I know I quote this a lot, but Stephanie Davis Arai, who deals with trans children, has said she has yet to see a girl transition, it wasn't either a lesbian, autistic, or suffered from some kind of sexual trauma.

I certainly think that exploring if someone has been abused should be paramount, prior to affirming transition.

I can't believe it isn't. This poor woman went privately. Does anyone know if sexual abuse is something that is discussed in NHS clinics?