IToday i’ve realised how much my ds actually posts on social media. I knew he had TikTok and Instagram but not to this extent. I thought he mostly watched videos and followed bands etc but he’s got about 1.5k followers on TikTok and 53k likes altogether. He’s mostly showing his outfits, lip syncing to music and talking about bands he likes. Some of them are quite niche and he gets really into them. There’s pictures of himself too and the odd video talking about how he’s feeling. I just didn’t realise how much he was putting out there.

He’s 14, autistic and has quite significant mental health issues. He’s had a difficult couple of years and barely goes to school now. Last year they were fairly lax about his dyed hair and piercings because he was in the hub for most of the day anyway, it’s a room for the autistic children away from the other pupils. He’s got quite a few piercings already and is constantly begging me for more. The school have now changed their stance and said if they allow it for him they’d have to allow it for everyone, so he’s stopped attending altogether. It’s all got very difficult tbh.

He dresses emo/scene and it’s very much his thing. I’m not against how he looks and he’s openly bisexual on TikTok which isn’t an issue in our house. He doesn’t really have any friends in real life which I do worry about, although he’d probably tell you he doesn’t need any. Social media seems to be where he gets most of his interaction with people.

Some of the comments are a bit concerning. Some people take the piss out of him or call him weird and he’ll argue back for ages instead of just ignoring them. Then there are accounts that look like teenage girls flirting with him, calling him cute and tagging their friends under his pictures. One seems to comment on quite a lot of his stuff. I don’t know these girls or whether they’re actually who they say they are.

He does have an online friend who’s a girl and she’s 16. I’ve actually met her as they went to a small gig together and she seemed perfectly nice, also very scene and they have similar music tastes. So I know not every online friendship is dodgy and I’m not against him having friends online. They get on well and she seems to understand him. It’s the other accounts I don’t know what to make of.

I don’t want to ban everything just because I’m worried, as social media is one of the few places he seems confident and he does get a lot out of the music side of it. With him not really going to school or having friends outside the internet I worry taking it away would leave him even more isolated. But equally he’s not great at judging people’s intentions sometimes and can be very trusting if someone seems to like him. He gets defensive if I question anything and says I’m treating him like a little kid.

I just don’t know if I’m being too relaxed about the attention he’s getting, especially with his mental health being how it is. I knew he had social media, I just didn’t realise how public it all was or how many people were interacting with him.

I wonder if anyone come suggest where to buy reasonably priced Christmas decorations online? Thanks in advance.

I am divorced since July, separated since 2024. A 30 year relationship ended with revelations of his affairs, lies, manipulation. We have 2 DC 18 and 16 who live with me full time, they see him every now and again.

He is keen for them to meet the wonderful woman who he has lied to swept off her feet. I leave them all to it mostly, but since hearing about the relationship, I am struggling with enormous resentment. I am generally always knackered keeping the ship here afloat, am self employed and haemorrhaging cash. I wouldn't even know where to start developing a new relationship, where to find the time or any inclination or a few spare quid for a dinner out.

Yet there he is, seemingly a catch for someone despite everything, building a shiny new life with zero responsibilities.

I am not jealous or heartbroken (good luck to her) just so flipping tired and wondering when it gets any flipping easier! Thanks for allowing me to rant.

Roll up, roll up. What are the items in your wardrobe you buy again and again?

Winners for me:

• Tu thermal leggings. Deep waist band creates an hour glass waist, even with my thick middle. Magic tbh. And so warm!
• Jo&Joe loafers from TKMaxx. Comfy as hell. Really good quality.
• Phase 8 v-neck cotton Ts. Look perfect even after a million washes. Worth the money.
• Those slouchy Whistles dresses with the big pleat at the front. Love those.

Anyone else?

Hear me out before you attack.

Currently living in rental property after splitting with ex partner. We own the home he is living in jointly.
The landlord of my rental wants to sell and I would like to buy it but the additional 5% stamp duty rate for what would count as a second home is a killer.
Are there any conveyancing solicitors who could advise on how to avoid (not evade) this extra 5%?

This is intended as a friendly, kind, safe, warm and fuzzy place for people to share discounts, bargains and Christmas gift ideas both online and IRL. Please note the tone and intention of the thread and join with spirit as generous as DC helping themselves to the Christmas chocolate celebrations 😊 .

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I was off work for the past two days due to illness - pretty sure it was norovirus and I felt absolutely dreadful. I was in no state to work.

I knew I had a meeting with a particular stakeholder on Monday and assumed my manager would have covered me (she’s usually ‘on it’ with things like this).

My manager did attend the call but wasn’t up to speed and didn’t give accurate updates, so a meeting was re-scheduled for this morning. My senior manager was also invited by this stakeholder, who it was clear within minutes of it starting was unhappy.

My senior manager, who is generally quite ‘direct’, challenged this stakeholder and explained I was unexpectedly absent. Their exchange then went something like this:

Stakeholder - I would expect there to have been a handover.
Senior Manager - she was unexpectedly absent.
Stakeholder - in my department, this wouldn’t happen and if someone’s absent and there’s an important meeting, they’d ensure they were correctly represented.
Senior Manager - for goodness sake, she was pissing out of her arse, what did you expect her to do.

All present were women, it is a corporate company and there’s a sort of ‘say it as it is’ culture, but within respectful boundaries.

AIBU to feel a bit put out by the comment? I did mention to my Manager who felt she was just sticking up for me and not to read anything in to it.

My son is 28. He's my only child. I'm so proud of him and his career success. He's always been focused and motivated on reaching his goals. Next month he is also flying the nest. As his mum ive tried mentally preparing for this moment his whole life. It will be sad but I am happy for him. I want him to choose his own path in life but I'm upset and concerned about a few things and would appreciate some advice on how to move on and accept it.
He has been dating a girl now for 9 months. She is lovely and they seem so cute together, it's like they were meant for each other.
However my son is adamant he never wants to marry but also neither she nor him want children ever. The thought of no grandchildren saddens me more than I know it should. It's their life but it's a heartbreaking thought. Secondly his girlfriend hates Christmas and won't go to cinemas or theatres. She seems less socially as outgoing him. These are things my son loves to do and he loves Christmas. She is physically disabled, which I get is a consideration to take on board for activities to take part in but I worry to some degree my son will get affected by this and get socially withdrawn.
Am I daft for worrying too much.

I recently started a new job after leaving a role I’d been in for nearly two years. I was genuinely excited about the opportunity, but it’s been a really difficult experience.

I was promised six weeks of handover and training, but the person I was replacing left after just seven working days. I’ve been left managing a significant workload while still trying to learn the systems and processes.

My immediate team have been lovely, but support from other departments has been lacking, and some interactions have felt quite unkind.

For context, I suffer with anxiety, so my working environment and the support around me make a huge difference to how I thrive. I’ve worked in demanding roles before and I’m more than capable of handling a busy workload, but I need to feel comfortable asking questions, particularly when I’m new.

The situation has completely knocked my confidence. I’ve been working late, constantly worrying and feeling physically sick at the thought of going into the office. It’s also affecting my home life.
I’ve raised my concerns with my manager, but my anxiety has reached the point where I’ve had to take time off.

I’m now considering resigning, but I have a young child, financial commitments and no other job secured. I’m actively applying and speaking with recruiters, but nothing is guaranteed.
I feel like a failure for wanting to leave so soon, but equally I can’t imagine continuing to feel this way.

AIBU to resign without another job lined up, or would you try to stick it out?

My ILs live 4-5h away, up north.

Dh usually wfh everyday except Tuesday, and i wfh on Tuesdays only. Yesterday morning he spontaneously announced he was wfh and going into the office on Wednesday instead, so I decamped all my stuff onto the dining table to let him use the home office corner, and did the drop offs as I usually do on Tuesday. But we got to have lunch together in the local caff which was nice, a rare child free moment together.

This morning I phoned my MIL because I wanted to tell her about something to do with DS, and also check that DH had told her about our Christmas plans. She says "oh he mentioned briefly, but I'll be seeing him later anyway". "What, seeing Ben? Today?" Yes, she says she's just getting on the tube on her way to lunch with him, didn't he mention it? Er, no he didn't... She says she's only in London for lunch. Because she barely gets any time alone with him.

What has thrown me is a) why wouldn't he mention that is mum is doing a lovely but eccentric 9h round trip just to have lunch with him, why keep that a secret and b) we are visiting the ILs for half term soon, so surely lots of opportunities for chats?

I texted dh "why didn't you tell me you were seeing your mum for lunch today" and he replied he didn't want to mention it in front of the kids because they'd be sad not to see Granny themselves. But we had loads of child free time yesterday, and he didn't think to mention it, he just made small talk about diesel and the weather and the Holborn by election. No "oh by the way im seeing my mum tomorrow". If he had, id have replied "ah that's so nice of her, don't forget to mention Christmas".

I feel like they both think that I keep him a prisoner or something? He goes out to see his mates of an evening sometimes, and he has lunch with various people, I never stop him from any of that or even ask questions about who he sees, there was no need to keep it a secret.

I now don't want to go up north for half term, I wish he'd just go alone with the kids if I'm so in the way. But the kids would miss me, DS is only 2.

I'm a bit upset, please talk me out of this, mumsnet

I'd like to get rid of our bath and install a shower cubicle which would free up some much needed storage space in our small family bathroom.

No one in our household has had a bath in years and I feel a shower cubicle would work better for us (me and two adult DC).

The master bedroom already has a small en-suite shower room which DH uses.

But I'm concerned no bath could put people off buying when we sell up in a few years time (5+ years).

Would you be happy buying a house with no bath?

What next? …upcoming “engagements” ….humanitarian projects….will they ? Won’t they? 🤷‍♀️
welcome everyone 👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋

DH and I have been together for 20 years. I have never liked his mother. For good reason - she said racist things to me early on in our relationship (I am not white and he is) and also made snide comments about me being northern and that being undesirable. And also a never ending slew of passive aggressive comments.

Anyway since our children were born, and after DH told her to stop, she stopped making these comments.

But I can’t make myself like her. She managed to manipulate DH (us) to moving near her and I have never liked it in this area. But it’s been four years now and I’m resigning myself to it.

DH lost his job in June and he asked his mother for help. She is incredibly wealthy and did help him. Now it’s like she owns us, she comes in whenever she likes. I just… don’t like her.

I want to get over it. How do I get over it? We do need her help until DH gets another job because my salary isn’t enough to cover all our life expenses. And I really appreciate that she isn’t making us feel bad about the help she’s giving.

She has been away for a month and is back and already popped over unannounced. Just walks in and talks at us for a couple of hours.

How do I get over this? She’s my husband’s mother, I have a son, I don’t want to be a cliche and she is helping us financially. I hate being beholden to someone I don’t like, but I don’t have any choice here.

i know I’m the unreasonable one. I just don’t quite know how to stop disliking her.

I don’t show it, by the way. I am always very nice. Despite how awful she was to me for YEARS.

I honestly dont even know why I’m posting. I just feel like I cant do this anymore.

He’s 13, turned 13 three weeks ago. I know he’s a child and I know how bad this sounds but I hate him. I hate saying that about my own child but I am at the end of my tether and nobody seems to listen when I say how bad things have got.

His dad died when he was 7 and I’ve brought him up on my own since then. I know he’s had a lot to deal with but I cant keep excusing everything because of that. I dont know what else I’m supposed to do.

This morning school sent him home because he was sick. He’s been sick again since he’s been home but he went to sleep for a bit and seems fine now. He asked if he could go out tonight and I said no because he’s been ill and I dont want him going out and then being sick again somewhere. That was it. Apparently I’m picking on him because he’s been ill, I’m always ruining everything and I never let him do anything. He started shouting at me and calling me names. I said I wasnt arguing about it and he got even worse.

He’s shoved past me to get out of the room and shouted that he hopes I die. Just screamed it at me. I honestly dont even know what to say to that anymore. I told him to get away from me and he carried on shouting. Now he’s in his room and I’m downstairs trying to calm down and he’s probably forgotten all about it already.

This is what its like here all the time. I can ask him to do something completely normal and it turns into a massive argument. He calls me a stupid bitch, pathetic, thick, says nobody respects me and that I’m a shit mum. If I get upset he says I’m being dramatic. If I shout back then apparently I’m the one with the problem. He knows exactly what to say to hurt me and sometimes I honestly think he does it on purpose.

I know I let him get away with things. I tell him the xbox is going off and he argues for ages, swearing and following me around the house, and sometimes I just give up and let him carry on because I havent got the energy for another row. Same with his phone. I’ve taken it off him because of things I’ve found on there and then ended up giving it back because I just cant cope with hours of shouting. I know people will say I’m making a rod for my own back and maybe I am but I’m so tired. I cant spend every evening fighting with a 13 year old.

The stuff he says online worries me as well. I’ve seen messages where he’s making really nasty comments about girls at school, mocking their looks and saying things about women being good for one thing. He’s watching these men online who talk about women like they’re worthless and repeating what they say. When I challenge him he tells me I know nothing and girls are just as bad. He doesnt seem to see anything wrong with it. I’ve tried putting restrictions on his phone but he gets round them and then I’m back to another argument.

I have tried asking for help and I honestly feel like I’m talking to a brick wall. He seems to have no limit to how nasty he can be when he’s angry. He’ll say the most horrible thing imaginable and then carry on as if nothing happened. I dont know how I’m supposed to keep dealing with this on my own.

I’ve even thought about ringing social services and saying I dont want him anymore. I havent done it but the thought has crossed my mind more than once. Just saying I cant have him here, I cant do this anymore, someone else needs to take over because I’m done. Then I feel disgusting for even thinking it because he’s my child and he’s only 13. But I genuinely dont know how much longer I can keep living like this. I dont want to abandon him but I also dont know how to help him when nobody seems willing to help us.

I hate what our relationship has become. I dread him coming home sometimes. When he’s out I feel relieved and then feel guilty for feeling relieved. I dont even want to speak to him after what he’s just said to me. I know people will say I’m the adult and I shouldnt feel like this but I’m a person as well and I can only take so much.

I know I’m not perfect and I shout and lose my temper. Sometimes I give in because I just want peace. I’m not proud of it. I just feel like I’ve reached the point where I dont know what to do next.

My DS turns 1 on Christmas Day so I need to think of a few gifts for his first birthday and Christmas! We will most likely do a half birthday in the summer but I want to mark the occasion.

I’m completely stuck for ideas. He has a 3 year old brother so we already have a lot of toys. Grandparents have bought him a baby walker. Does anyone have any suggestions?

My teenage daughter looked at what I picked up on a whim yesterday and said, 'It's 2026 ... why are you buying slim jeans."

But I really like them ... I wanted something other than blue/black jeans which I can't wear to work ... and they had my 'long' size in stock ... can I keep them? 🤔

www.next.co.uk/style/su767555/y54038

My ex FIL passed away and his funeral is next Friday but I’m away the night before at a show with a friend (booked and paid for months ago, hotel and tickets etc…)

I liked him he was a lovely man and I still seen him on occasion due to my kids birthdays etc or events for them. I also get on well with his wife (not my ex’s mother) Ex and I get on well and I’ve been with my current partner for 10+ years for context.

I visited exFIL the week before he died 3 times at home with my DC (we know it was terminal) and I’m pleased I did. Ordinarily I’d absolutely go and if we’d just planned to go for a day out without having pre booked I would have cancelled but as I say it’s pre paid and non refundable (£250 between us) and that would mean my friend loosing her money too.

We’re going to a different city about 2 hour drive away or 1.5 hr on the train. Funeral is at 11am so for me to make that we’d have to be up and out by 8am if we drive and whilst ok I thinks it’s a bit rubbish for my friend who was looking forward to having a night away and it’s going to cut it short and she’s going to have to clock watch and be careful what she drinks, if she has to drive a few hours earlier than anticipated.

It feels like it impacts her experience the night before too, as we won’t be able to go for a drink after the show etc and I know she wanted to do that. If we have a couple of glasses of wine with a meal before hand then 1 or 2 wines at the show then one or two after it adds up. Yes she doesn’t need to drink, however she enjoys a nice meal and drinks. We live in different directions part of the way so one of us would drive the other to pick up their car and even if we get the train we’d have to leave at similar time.

The plan was to have lunch then leave as we didn’t need to get back until tea time. If it was a close friend or relative I would cancel but really that’s not the situation. So I feel I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

I could make it back for the wake but again it’s still cutting her time short and tbh I won’t know most people there and the coupe of people I do know I don’t like.

What would you do?

I’ve already told his wife we’re away but I’ll try to make it and she was understanding tbf

Is it really possible to fall pregnant straight after a period? I’m very much of the understanding that we typically have a few days during ovulation when we can conceive, and for me that’s usually around halfway between my cycle (day 14/15).

Came off my period on Sunday, had sex with OH Tuesday and didn’t use contraception. Spoke to a close friend earlier who told me this was how she conceived her third baby….

Our boy is 7 and has recently developed itchy flaky skin. Food is royal canin. Is on anti-inflammatories, gets omega oils and a pre/probiotic. Vet has him on 2 antibacterial shampoos a week. He’s still itchy! Any ideas?

Welcome to the 12th thread, we still have 50 days till the daily unboxing officially starts, although I very much doubt any of our calendars will remain untouched until then 😂
Still time for lots more friendly chat, tips and discount codes - to cut down on links as a poster requested, here's link to some very comprehensive run-downs of the calendars https://beauty-detective.com/category/beauty-advent-calendars/
When enjoying those breakdowns please remember that some are OOS already - Harrod's Fragrance, Harrod's Beauty and Selfridges Beauty to name a few.

Just wondered if any legal peeps could answer this.
we got married 25 yrs ago in France. Have the legal
french document but never registered here. I’m now thinking wills and possibly divorce. Do I have any legal rights? Do I register the wedding here? We have lived here since marriage and I’m from the UK

I need some advice. I’m single with two kids (10 and 12) who live with me. I started a new job a few months ago and worked fairly closely with a man who is 8 years younger than me. He is lovely and very good looking and made it clear from day one that he fancied me (staring at me across the room and then holding my gaze for minutes at a time, his friends elbowing him and looking between the two of us whenever I sat near him, an insane chemistry whenever we lock eyes to the point where we just drift towards one another and then can’t look away) then I found out he was engaged. Not mentioned a thing about it after months of this. We’d even had work trips together with nothing mentioned. I was absolutely devastated and think the world of this man but obviously since that, I pulled back hugely. Fast forward months and it’s all kind of ramped up again. I still feel the same level of intense interest and can tell that he does too. Problem is that I’m 45 and should probably think about finding a new partner but I know I’d rather flirt with this colleague for the rest of my life rather than lose him or the joy seeing him every day which seems like I’m going to have a pretty miserable life! We followed one another on instagram and he watches every story I post and vice versa. I don’t know how to move on as I’m absolutely crazy about him. Thank you in advance for any suggestions!

As of last year, I started working almost entirely from home, so I no longer need to dress smartly for the office. My casual trousers currently consist of jeans and… more jeans (both slim and baggy!). My old work trousers feel far too smart for the school run, a coffee or a day working from home.

I’m a pear shape, size 8–10 on top and 10–12 on the bottom, with chunkier thighs. I tend to wear slouchy, wide-knit jumpers (think Joseph/Jigsaw/COS/Émile Sézane style) in cream, oatmeal, pink, grey and green.
I’d love some suggestions for casual, comfy trousers that still look and feel lovely with this sort of knitwear. I worked in an office until last year and I think I’m struggling a bit to find my feet style-wise now I’m not dressing for work every day. Jeans have always been my default, but they used to be easier to rotate with office clothes!

I caught myself enviously eyeing up two mums at school pickup recently who’d clearly been in work and both looked lovely and perfectly autumnal. Nothing particularly dressy, just really nice outfits that looked effortless. It made me realise I’ve lost my way a little bit and would love to feel a bit more me again.

My actual life is very much school runs, dog walks, the odd coffee, working in my home office and occasional trips to the gym. I live rurally, so a swishy city look wouldn’t really work, and I don’t want to feel overdressed for my day-to-day life.

What trousers are you wearing that strike that happy medium between comfy and casual but still feeling a bit pulled together? Particularly interested in styles that work with chunky knitwear and a pear-shaped figure. Would love any brand or outfit suggestions! 😊 budget flexible (I rarely buy anything unless a moth eats it so happy to invest a bit)

I don't know if I'm overreacting or not because I can go 0-100 and start catastrophising.

My partner and I have two daughters aged 2 and 9 months. He's not good with emotional regulation and sometimes shouts at our 2 year old when she's moaning, whining, crying or repeatedly calling for him. Typical 2 year old behaviour.

I'm not saying I don't raise my voice at times but it's usually when she's hurting her younger sister, doing something dangerously or not listening after I've calmly spoken to her severallll times.

When he shouts at her, usually she just continues as normal but today she started crying and it broke my heart. I'm tired of talking to him about this. I know he's struggling with this stage of them being so young and not having the words to express themselves and I try to give him grace about his emotional regulation issues (I come from a family of psychologists and also trained as one so I can clearly see he would meet a diagnosis of ADHD and ASD), but I also don't think that should excuse his behaviour.

I start thinking I should leave the relationship and limit contact (not keep them completely from him but take majority custody) to protect my girls. Am I overacting?

Anyone the child of a father who yelled at them a lot? How did it affect you?

We’re getting married in 8 days… been together 15 years and decided to do it a few months ago for sensible reasons but planning a lovely small civil ceremony. It’s a smart/casual low key thing.

Nearly husband ordered his suit about a month ago and Royal Mail were due to deliver it today but haven’t.
This was literally the only thing he had to do!!

He’s convinced it will arrive tomorrow as Royal Mail delivery times are guides and not exact (he says this has happened before and things have arrived the next day).

I know if needs be, he can go into our local town and probably get something off the peg but I’m feeling so wound up tonight.

Help! I feel like sleep is not going to happen and I know being stressed like this is achieving absolutely nothing.