Currently having an actual panic attack about Russia bombing the UK and me and my kid dying.

Was Paul Newman, discuss

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

If you’re married with young kids, how do you share finances?
Do you have a joint account?
I’m 30 and married and we have 2 toddlers.
I prefer to keep my money separate to my husband. For a long time I was the breadwinner as he was in training for his role and so I built up savings and investments. We both contribute to household bills and things for the kids, and have roughly an equal amount of “fun money”.
Recently he’s brought a well run franchise and needed money for the deposit (around £30k) so of course I gave it. When I told my friends I expect it back later they were surprised and said it’s his too.

My sister went through a messy divorce and ended up with nothing and me and husband are happily married I just feel more comfortable having my own foundation, is that unreasonable?

I've just come to bed and I'm disappointed again by the terrible quality of the items I bought.

I paid for next day delivery several hours before the cut off (I paid at 2pm and the cut off is 7pm) but my items didn't arrive until three days later.

I ordered one pair of soft feels like down king size pillows and one pair of 200 thread count plain pillowcases.

The pillows are incredibly flat and feel empty. Yes, I chose the soft version but they're about an inch thick and don't feel soft at all. My old pillows have been in use for about 18 months now and are still double the thickness. One pillow has a section with no filling at all.

The pillowcases are genuinely awful; incredibly rough even after washing several times. They're so rough they've irritated my skin and I can't use them. I washed them at 30c as the label advised, using Fairy laundry detergent which I use for all of my washing. One case also had a long piece of cotton hanging from it. When I looked more closely there is a hole in the seam.

Overall I'm incredibly disappointed because the quality of both products is absolutely shocking. I can't return the pillowcases because I've washed them, and I removed the tags from the pillows so they can't go back either.

I'm genuinely considering asking my back to do a charge back because the items were not worth the money.

dusk.com/products/pair-of-feels-like-down-pillows

dusk.com/products/pair-of-plain-dye-classic-pillowcases-200-thread-count-white

Be it Vinted, EBay or charity shops.

What brands were or are known for quality in design and materials like wool and silk?

My partner was on a tram with our 4 year old and a woman was having a loud call on speakerphone so the whole tram could hear and was swearing loudly so my partner told her to stop swearing in front of our child. I think he should have avoided a potential confrontation and just moved away or got off. His argument was there was nowhere on the tram you could go where couldn’t hear her. Am I being dramatic or is it really not that much of a big deal.

DC is starting year 11 in September. They are not academic and don’t want to do A levels. They want to go to college. They have always said they want to be an actor and done some performing related stuff but not a lot. They want part time studies so they can work too.

I not sure how to guide them towards other courses and which ones ? They also mentioned music.

They will probably do part time acting course but need a backup career/job something that provides a steady income so they can make a living. They also said they didn’t want an office job.

The first I met this guy was at an event, felt an immediate strong connection to him like I need this person in my life. I had the best day for a long time just being with him.

Anyway I am quite content single after my break up last year, so really not too fussed about dating! But when he was quite persistent in going out, I thought why not.

We went out today and we were together for 10 hours! At one point we bumped into my friends too and they loved him. Now here's the thing - I felt there was flirting banter, lots of extended eye contact etc...he rubbed my shoulder at one point and took my hand in his briefly to inspect my fake tattoo from a festival we went to (and I did the same with him!) - but no kiss! I put myself right up close to him on two occasions, once in the bar, and when we were lying down in the park, that would've given him the chance. I'm kind of wondering if the attraction wasn't strong enough for him because of this?

We hugged at the end and he immediately suggested meeting up again. AIBU? I worry we're going to fall into the friendzone. I don't know if it's my expectations.

11yo DS is autistic and has an eating disorder called ARFID. Im begging for help but no-one seems concerned.

When diagnosed 4 years ago he was between 25th - 50th centile for weight. Since then he has gradually slipped down the char until now hes off the bottom (below 0.4 centile).

Hes so weak and tired that 5 minutes at a park completely wipes him out. Hes breathless walking up the stairs. Because of the autism he struggles hugely with demands so I cant just tell him to eat/drink.

Though he does eat its very restrictive and every day there's a calorie deficit of 800-900 calories. He has several vitamin deficiencies but cant tolerate the oral supplements. We've attempted what feels like all supplement drink/shake options and he just gags and refuses them. Fljid kntake is a huge concern also - drinking around 500ml a day (can be less) is normal for him.

Dietitian said a few months ago that if things didn't improve he would need a feeding tube as the next step. DS wants this. He is excited to have pressure to eat and drink removed and wants to be healthier. It would mean medicines and supplements can be given through the tube also.

Hes been referred for a PEG but the waiting list is a minimum of 12 months.

Monitoring his intake, noticing cold extremities and mottled skin and trying to encourage without demanding are taking a huge toll on me. He is literally wasting away in front of my eyes. But because he is 'stable' (ha!) at home and not actively in organ failure it's apparently fine to just keep going.

Im so desperately worried for him but no-one seems to be taking it seriously 😭

Our 13mo will be going to nursery soon and I'm thinking through what clothes to send her in. Nursery have said waterproof and coat and warmer clothes when needed. In nursery they go on a few trips in the big buggies and play in the garden.

When it was last cold she was obviously a lot smaller and she was in pram suits in pram with a foot muff.

What I'm struggling with is firstly she can't independently stand/walk yet and does a lot of crawling around or pulling to stand with support, so any warm clothes would need to keep legs warm and dry too. And she doesn't have shoes yet as doesn't need but perhaps I buy now?

She's also quite skinny, 8.4kg ish in weight (9th percentile) so trousers don't stay around her waist, she wears tighter leggings but they're obviously quite thin and not suitable for winter.

Any help from those been through this please? Hoping to buy a few bits this weekend so it's sorted. Thanks!

Call me old fashioned, but isn't this sort of thing likely to provoke a run on toilet rolls? Couldnt find any other threads on it, but I think there is a "preppers" topic on here somewhere. In any case, what do you think? I'm sort of concerned, should I be? Or has this gone under the radar?

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2026/aug/25/uk-to-warn-citizens-to-stock-up-on-food-amid-threat-from-climate-crisis-and-hostile-states

I met a woman through a local hobby (fitness group) that I volunteer for. When she became pregnant she stopped training. We realised we live on the same street (six houses apart) and I began going swimming with her to help keep her fitness up. I don't love swimming but it was nice for the company and it meant we could share a (my) car.

She messaged after she had the baby but said no visitors. Then when baby was there months old she offered to call over so I could meet him. I was delighted, had a gift, made the place comfortable for them both. She called over and stayed four hours even thought I was feeding DC around her. I was expecting a much shorter visit and had to get firm explaining I needed to get DC ready for bed. She ate dinner and dessert too.

Then she suggested visiting again so I said yes but let's go for a walk this time with baby and stop at a coffee shop. Three times she has come then said no it's easier to just come in, I've no blanket, it's going to rain, my hip is sore. Every single time I have to ask her to leave after the visit drags on saying "I'm sorry I have things to do" repeatedly. The last time she firmly said she wouldn't as baby was sleeping and she couldn't disturb. Then when he woke up she started setting him up for feeding and I had to carry him to his carrier, open the door and walk them home.

I don't have time to sit and chat for hours. I understand she's lonely but we aren't close friends and she never actually asks me about myself or let's me talk so it doesn't even feel like a friendship developing. I feel like some sort of public service that's there to support her keep her spirits up while she can't exercise with us.

A few days ago was the final straw. She had messaged and instead of ignoring it (as she often turns up then regardless) I replied and said don't call over, I'm far too busy. She read the message. My DH then came upstairs and told me she was in the sitting room waiting for me.

I came down and quite bluntly said "I told you I was busy, so I don't know why you're here. I'll have to ask you to leave."

My DH was horrified and said to me afterwards he was very embarrassed that I would be so nasty. He walked her around with the baby and he's not off with me.

I hadn't really spoken to him about how much she was annoying me as I thought I just need to deal with it differently.

I don't know what I'm asking but I'm feeling shitty now.

I live in a 4 in a block. I'm top floor and my garden (private) is the one shown on the left of the photo, surrounded by the fence. Neighbour is beneath and the window shown is her bedroom window. Both fences are mine, previous owner paid for them and for them to be erected.

I get on well enough with downstairs neighbour however the issue is that every time I go out to the garden, she comes out and chats, for a good half hour. She's elderly and I get that she just wants to chat, I have no problem with a short chat now and then, but last time I was out there, I had a whole day free when DC was at their dads and so wanted to get cracking on the garden, she came out 5 separate times, 3 times to chat for ages and will sometimes stand watching me from her bedroom window, which is a little awkward.

I'm not sure if it would be unreaonable of me to heighten the fence a little to give me privacy? I don't want to completely block her light, just her view into my garden! I was thinking of popping a trellis on top, so that light still gets through. Maybe pop some climbing flowers on it. The taller fence that can be seen is 6ft tall, i was thinking of matching the trellis height to this. Local planning permission dictates 6ft 6 inches is the limit that you can have fences, so I don't think I would be breaking any local laws. I'm sure she will complain as she's quite fixed on how she thinks things should be, so I'm not sure if it's unreasonable of me to do this?

Bear with me MN community as I try and articulate this.
Been married for 16 years. Two children, 12 and 9.
About 5 years ago I posted on here about finding a bag of cocaine on my driveway. It was 830 in the morning and my husband, when confronted said it was a one off, he'd been struggling etc. Said he'd felt suicidal etc. I helped him at the time.
Fast forward to now. No particular concerns since the last "one off" event. But I walked into the kitchen a week ago to find him with a rolling pin and a bag of powder, crushing it down. He immediately barged past me to get rid of it out of the the house and spend two hours lying about what it was. Initially tried to tell me it is was "German energy powder". He then said it was amphetamine he'd got from the dark web after feeling concerned about extreme fatigue and he was preparing it as a precaution rather than planning to take it. He was about to leave to pick up our kids from their grandparents.
I know the answer here but is there any chance he's not a complete addict who's had a problem since I caught him out the first time? I'm quietly planning a divorce. I am the bigger earner and the house is mine so it's not about assets, I just feel like a dick, especially when he is still saying these two times I caught him out were isolated incidents. I don't care about the marriage now - that's over - but how do I discredit his crap?

My fiance (M33) didn't come home last night after a night out in our nearest city. I (F33) am so shocked my anger hasn't kicked in yet. We get married in 7 weeks.

He had this night out planned for a little while, going out with a work friend for some food and one of those interactive game places to do darts etc. Later in the night he bumped into a mutual friend of ours who I know is a big drinker and one for nights out. The last time I heard from him was 9:30 where he sent a selfie of the two of them and a comment about our friend's crazy stories. He said he was getting the last train at 11:30 so would be home around midnight. So I went to sleep.

I wake up at 6am to our hungry cats, notice he is not in bed or the spare room and nothing on the Ring doorbell to show he had come home. I presumed he had stayed at friend's house in the city and just said 'look send me a message when you wake up and I can pick you up'. He replied quite quickly saying he was getting the first train home. I asked where he slept and he gave a garbled response saying our friend left him and by that time it was 2am. He went to a late night place and then just walked around and then slept outside a church. He had a thick rain coat on but I was so shocked at his response and disregard for his own personal safety. He had just been paid so could have afforded a taxi or got a cheap hotel or something. He was still quite drunk when I picked him up but he seemed remorseful and in fact quite shocked at his actions. He's sleeping it off now and we'll talk later. It was pouring with rain outside as well.

For context, my partner does like a drink but is not a frequent drinker. His last crazy night out was his stag in June and before that a few months before. We do drink together. I have no concerns about him cheating or anything like being aggressive. But it feels like a switch goes in his head and he just has no regard for his actions and keeps drinking.

He is a good, loving, kind, funny man, he is very loving, affectionate and we have a good relationship. But this has thrown me. If this happened more frequently I wouldn't be with him. If this was earlier in our relationship, it would be a big red flag. We got together in our mid twenties when this kind of thing could be laughed off as part of youth but at 33 you should know better.

I know I sound horrible. I know I’ll get lots of hate saying leave him the poor man but I know a lot of women feel the same.
I love him but he just gets on my nerves anyone feel the same? Give me stories / things your husbands do that grate on you like a fork on a brick wall. 😂 I know I sound vile. I’m honestly not, just ughhhhh shudder.

Long story short DH and I have been married 6 years and have 2 very young dc.
About 3 years ago I snooped and found sexual messages to a woman. I confronted him and he admitted it was an old flame and it was just a couple days of messaging, he was sorry etc. we’d been going through a short separation completely unrelated to cheating and we’d just got back together, so I couldn’t understand why he wound message her while he was reconciling. However I’ve never gotten over it and it’s spiralling out of control. I can’t bring myself to ever check his phone again, I’m so frightened. It’s made me deeply insecure, I even check the woman’s Facebook and torture myself. I get paranoid, like tonight his phone is on flight mode - It’s left out and I took it off flight mode just to see if anything popped up. I cannot live like this anymore. I feel like I am going crazy, I don’t know wether I am severely paranoid from this or he’s up to something all the time. There’s no talking to him either, I’ve tried and his answer is it’s been years and to get over it. Why can’t I seem to move on?

What is it with women (I’ll say women as I’ve never personally known a man to do this) who want to make a huge fuss for their own birthdays, involving others spending £100s ! Not even big birthdays, say 39 or something??

I’ve got a newish friend, and we met as our daughters grew close over the last few years as they’re in the same sports activity every week. We get on, not best friends but meet for coffee etc. We have been away overnight with the girls when they compete.

Anyway, I’ve been invited to her birthday night out end of September, and she wants to go to another city by train, book a hotel etc. I’ve politely declined and said I would go to a local night for for a meal or something. I’m not paying for hotels, travel, food, drinks etc for someone’s birthday. I would never expect anyone to spend that on me, and I can’t believe anyone thinks it normal to ask others to drop loads of money to celebrate them.

Before anyone says, just say no, you can decline etc. Well I’ve declined and she’s messaged away from the group chat she set up, to say she’s disappointed I can’t make it and asked why?

I haven’t replied yet but I’ll be honest and say I’m not paying £300 or more for a night out.

Is it just me who would never ask people to fork out hundreds of pounds for their birthdays. If people are willing to, that’s great and have fun, but if they decline why question it?

Weddings I understand, spending money on my kids, happy to! Same with my husband and parents big birthdays, happy to go all out, but I’ve been asked to spend about £300 on someone’s birthday, said no, and I’m being asked why??

With my absolute best friends, we just go out for a meal, no fuss.

Years ago, someone else wanted me to spend nearly all I had in savings to go to Vegas for her wedding, and I said no to that, and she was put out by that too! (And got divorced a year after the wedding).

AIBU here?

I’ve always been a very sociable person and this worked well for me as a child through to university. I made friends everywhere I went as a child, invaluable on family holidays, starting new hobbies etc.
as I’ve got older I’m finding it near on impossible to communicate with people, everyone is so closed in their own world.

a few examples - I started a new job just after Christmas. On my break on first day I went into staff room and saw a colleague sat there on her phone so I walked over all cheerful and said “hi, I’m Patoot, it’s my first day!”. She glanced up from her phone, gave a fake smile and said “ok, hi?” ??? I followed up with “what’s your name?” So she said “Sheila”. I asked how long she’d worked there at which point she looked visibly annoyed and said “sorry i need to reply to this message” and started typing away on her phone. I made myself a cuppa and then went to sit again at her table at which point she gathered her stuff and left!!

another example - I joined a new fitness class. Before the class started I saw a woman sat on her own and went across to say hello. She smiled and told me her name so I asked if she’d done this class before and she said she had. I asked what it was like and she looked annoyed and said “it’s a fitness class?” And shrugged. I asked if she does any other classes and she got her phone out and just ignored me from then on.

example from this morning! I got on the bus, there was a woman sitting alone so I sat next to her and cheerfully commented on the traffic. She smiled, nodded and then fixed her eyes on the window away from me.

what is wrong with people these days?? AIBU to think the UK has got much less friendly or do people just become less sociable as they age??

I'm currently looking at my wardrobe and what I might want to update it for autumn.

I'm mid50s, 5'7" and size 14.

I'm currently looking at these:

Boots
https://lanxshoes.com/collections/womens-boots/products/edgworth-brown-distressed

Jacket
https://www.marksandspencer.com/faux-leather-harrington-jacket/p/clp61227207?color=SAGE&extid=ps_ps-pla-pmax_ggl_ww_ch__-UK-_-_bau_tier1&cq_src=google_ads&cq_cmp=23464567334&cq_con=&cq_term=&cq_med=pla&cq_plac=&cq_net=x&cq_plt=gp&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=23459513439&gclid=CjwKCAjwtKrUBhAhEiwAr77ZouxSW1TOKd2eot-kyFgHD7u41KdbxQwXep71n0a8z0pK0sj6BWAaWRoCJVAQAvD_BwE

And carrot shape jeans.

What have you got your eye on?

In reference to The Most Beautiful Man thread,

Just for balance, I thought we ought to show the women as well...

Gong Li
Zhang Ziyi
Louise Brooks
Cyd Charisse

https://www.dunelm.com/product/emily-metal-bed-frame-1000295082?defaultSkuId=31055771&size=Small+Double+4ft&colour=Cream

Am I being unreasonable to think that the gap between the bars could present a risk to a tween/young teenager, if their head were to become stuck between them? (I haven't measured the width of the gap). Or am I unreasonably stuck in some sort of baby / toddler safe sleeping mode? Tell me if IABU. Teen likes this style.

I'm in my 70s and currently writing/updating my will, and I'm struggling with something I’d really appreciate some perspective on.

I have one son, who is in his mid 40s, and no other children. I always wanted a daughter, but never had one. In a strange way, I feel like I got that daughter through my DIL.

My son and DIL have been together since they were teenagers, so I've known her for most of her life. Before they were married, she would come over on weekends, cook in my kitchen, go shopping with me, and we would do all sorts of “girl things” together. I absolutely adored having her around. My son was always a lovely boy and I love him very much, but having her in my life felt like finally having the daughter I never had.

They have now been married for many years and have three children a 16 year old boy, a 14 year old girl and an 8 year-l old boy. They are wonderful grandchildren and I’m very close to all of them.

The issue is my jewellery

I have quite a lot of valuable jewellery that originally belonged to my mother. Some of it is very sentimental to me, and I would like to leave the jewellery directly to my DIL rather than to my son.

My thinking is that I want her to eventually pass the jewellery down to my granddaughter. I feel strongly about that because these pieces came from my mother, and I would love for them to continue through the women in the family. I don't really want my son to inherit them and then decide what happens to them.

There are also some properties/villas that I own, and my current thought is to leave those jointly to my son and DIL.

This is where I'm wondering whether I'm being unfair to my son.

When my DIL's own parents died, she inherited their estate in her name alone. My son wasn't put on any of it, and he never complained or seemed to think there was anything wrong with that. I completely understood that it was her parents' money and their decision.

So part of me thinks I should be equally entitled to make my own decision about what I leave behind.

My son is financially very successful and so is my DIL. They have a very good marriage, both have high-paying careers, and neither of them needs my money to be financially secure. Whatever I leave them probably won't make a major difference to their lives.

But this isn't really about money for me.

My DIL is the person who checks on me medically, makes sure I'm doing okay, visits me roughly once a week, helps with things and generally keeps an eye on me. My son does plenty for me too, and I don't want to diminish that, but if I'm being completely honest, my DIL is the one who has been more involved in my day to day wellbeing.

I love my son, but I also genuinely see my DIL as my daughter.

Would it be wrong or hurtful to leave the jewellery directly to her while leaving the properties jointly to both of them?

I don't want to punish my son or make some statement that I love him less. I simply want to leave certain things to the people I feel they belong with emotionally.

I'd really appreciate some honest perspective, especially from people who have been through wills/inheritance issues in their own families.

My partner has recently died, after a long fight with a disease. It was heartbreaking and I feel like I need a change of scenery. I’m considering going away from London for three to six months.

I’m self-employed, so I could either work from somewhere else or take a complete break. I haven’t decided yet.

Where would you go?

I have both UK and EU passports. I’m in my late 40s and prefer cooler temperatures. I’m crap at learning languages, so ideally somewhere I can get by with the languages I already speak (English and French). Somewhere where locals and expats mix, and where I could feel welcome by both. I’m not expecting to make best-friend-level connections, but I’d like some human contact and a sense of belonging.

I like cities, but I’m slightly worried that I’d just be another faceless person in the crowd. Renting a flat overlooking a beautiful lake sounds peaceful in theory, but I suspect I’d get bored very quickly.

I don’t want to cram my calendar with activities as a way of avoiding the pain. But I also don’t want to spend three to six months alone with my thoughts 24/7. I’m imagining something fairly simple: reading books, going to the cinema, wandering around, finding a pub where people are happy to have a laugh and a chat, sleeping properly, maybe working a little if I feel like it, and generally just being somewhere different for a while.

With all of that in mind, where would you go?