My partner’s 15-year-old daughter moved in with us during the week after spending around two years out of mainstream education while living with her mum.
She now attends school locally and lives with us Monday to Friday, returning to her mum at weekends and during school holidays. We also have a young child together.

Recently, a dental appointment revealed longstanding issues with her teeth that hadn’t been addressed, which has raised concerns about the care she’d previously received.

We’ve now been told her mum is moving from a two-bedroom house into a more expensive one-bedroom apartment, despite having a teenage daughter who still stays with her. To add to this, her mum now wants her to spend even more time with us.

We’re already providing the majority of her day-to-day care, schooling, meals and general support. Her mum still receives child benefit, and maintenance payments haven’t always been consistent.
I completely understand that circumstances change, but I can’t help feeling that her mum is gradually stepping back from her parental responsibilities while we’re expected to pick up more and more.
This isn’t about not wanting my stepdaughter here. It’s about questioning whether it’s reasonable for one parent to keep reducing their involvement.

As a mother I cannot fathom not doing anything and everything I possibly can for my child. I would go through fire and back if it meant supporting and protecting them.

We've been together 15+ years, married with kids last 5, I thought we covered all the topics when it comes to values and principles - especially related to the way we raise our children but turns out he was full of it - to put it bluntly.
Essentially, with meeting new kids/parents through nursery/school - I now realise he is very much leaning toward being,well, racist 😔
You would think - how did I not notice this before....well the thing is he was always respectful to friends or colleagues regardless the ethnicity - but now when we discuss behaviour that our child picks up from the nursery from another child - he attributes/explains behaviours with 'well ofcourse this happened considering he is x'.
Then slowly such vocabulary moved into every day conversations about e.g. neighbours - he'd say derogatory things about particular nation based on behaviour of a single person that affects us.
I am just so blindsided and can't stop thinking about how this will shape our children.
How could I have been so blind...or could he had just pretended all this time, and why??
Or can people change their views about something so basic so dramatically?
Recently he started making mean comments about LGBTQ community too - I mean we have friends that he loves or I thought so...
I am also thinking his mum's recent visit may have encouraged him to speak up - clearly these are the values he was brought up with.
I am also ashamed... I am looking at my DS atm sleeping - he is such a warm friendly loving and a smart boy and he is being exposed to comments like this. He loves all his little friends. He was talking proudly about friends he'd like to invite to his bday and his grandma actually asked him what colour is a certain child...she also described a 4 yo girl in the playground as fat.
I am sorry if this is a jumble of topics here - a husband showing true colours years later, a toxic mil, a clash in values, challenge with co-parenting, protecting a child from instilling wrong values...
So is it that I was blind all this time (YANBU) and I just never got to know him - or people actually can just change their core values so drastically (YABU).

Has anyone else considered not doing Christmas at all?
I live alone, with dogs, and have no children or partner. Jan 2025 my mum, with whom I usually spent Christmas, died. She was in hospital Christmas Day dying and I went to visit her, but it was obviously very painful. Last Christmas I went to a friend's for a Christmas lunch, which was nice - and extremely kind of her to invite me - but also just felt wrong and not Christmassy at all.
I'm not a Christmas hater, my childhood memories are of the best times. But.now all family are dead, except my siblings who live in different countries, it feels too painful to celebrate. My grief is still very strong, and Christmas in particular brings it all back for all those family members I have lost.
I am thinking of not putting up any decorations and not acknowledging it is Christmas, other than a few gifts for friends. Has anyone else done this?

Exactly that. Married 25 years. Had a huge arguement tonight as he moaned about lights being left on and it escalated. I said in anger that he can not expect a birthday celebration tomorrow. He said fine.
I’m now not sure what to do?

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I’ve finally accepted that high street bras are never going to work for me. I’m 34G/GG and have had a horrible summer of itchy, sweaty boobs squished together, skin tags, irritated moles and general grumpiness!

I’m going to bite the bullet and order from the site but I can’t find my tape measure 😁. If you’ve bought from them, do you find the sizing consistent with other brands?

I'd like to get rid of our bath and install a shower cubicle which would free up some much needed storage space in our small family bathroom.

No one in our household has had a bath in years and I feel a shower cubicle would work better for us (me and two adult DC).

The master bedroom already has a small en-suite shower room which DH uses.

But I'm concerned no bath could put people off buying when we sell up in a few years time (5+ years).

Would you be happy buying a house with no bath?

As the subject says, I would be grateful for recommendations. M&S only have crew necks, everything from JL shrinks. Looking for light jumpers to wear under wool blazer for work. Thank you.

I've loved charity shopping for over 30 years, but like many I've long mixed it with online second hand shopping.
The stories in this Guardian article are not new to those of us who've read threads on here, work in the shops or know people who do.
I never sell online myself and am a very mindful donatter, but my own eBay addiction and Vinted dabbling is contributing to this in a way.
Shops won't want to discourage donations, but it seems more push back on the mountains of crap is needed.

www.theguardian.com/fashion/2026/oct/13/people-sell-their-best-stuff-on-vinted-how-charity-shops-became-a-dumping-ground-for-unsellable-clothes

My ILs live 4-5h away, up north.

Dh usually wfh everyday except Tuesday, and i wfh on Tuesdays only. Yesterday morning he spontaneously announced he was wfh and going into the office on Wednesday instead, so I decamped all my stuff onto the dining table to let him use the home office corner, and did the drop offs as I usually do on Tuesday. But we got to have lunch together in the local caff which was nice, a rare child free moment together.

This morning I phoned my MIL because I wanted to tell her about something to do with DS, and also check that DH had told her about our Christmas plans. She says "oh he mentioned briefly, but I'll be seeing him later anyway". "What, seeing Ben? Today?" Yes, she says she's just getting on the tube on her way to lunch with him, didn't he mention it? Er, no he didn't... She says she's only in London for lunch. Because she barely gets any time alone with him.

What has thrown me is a) why wouldn't he mention that is mum is doing a lovely but eccentric 9h round trip just to have lunch with him, why keep that a secret and b) we are visiting the ILs for half term soon, so surely lots of opportunities for chats?

I texted dh "why didn't you tell me you were seeing your mum for lunch today" and he replied he didn't want to mention it in front of the kids because they'd be sad not to see Granny themselves. But we had loads of child free time yesterday, and he didn't think to mention it, he just made small talk about diesel and the weather and the Holborn by election. No "oh by the way im seeing my mum tomorrow". If he had, id have replied "ah that's so nice of her, don't forget to mention Christmas".

I feel like they both think that I keep him a prisoner or something? He goes out to see his mates of an evening sometimes, and he has lunch with various people, I never stop him from any of that or even ask questions about who he sees, there was no need to keep it a secret.

I now don't want to go up north for half term, I wish he'd just go alone with the kids if I'm so in the way. But the kids would miss me, DS is only 2.

I'm a bit upset, please talk me out of this, mumsnet

My other half has got a rotten cold and is right in the thick of the blocked-nose stage.!

I fell down a right rabbit hole reading up on it and found a study [ doi.org/10.1183/09031936.03.00047903 ] saying that nasal blockage can mess with breathing during sleep (causing things like apnoea and drops in oxygen). I know that study was about completely blocked noses, but my anxiety has kicked into overdrive worrying about his breathing tonight!!
To make matters worse, he asked me to pop to the shops for some decongestants earlier. It was just before closing and I could have made it if I'd sprinted out, but I messed about and missed it. Now I'm sitting here feeling like a terrible partner, terrified that his oxygen is going to drop or he'll stop breathing in his sleep!! 😥

He’s definitely going to be mouth-breathing tonight.. but his nose isn't 100% sealed shut.
I read somewhere that your nose has little built-in sensors that basically act like a reminder switch for your brain to keep breathing properly. Since he'll be breathing through his mouth, I’m stressing: does even a tiny trickle of air or a little breeze in the room keep those sensors happy even if he'll be breathing through his mouth so his brain doesn't 'forget' what it's doing?

When in sixth form, my friend had an unplanned pregnancy, went into a bit of denial and by the time it emerged she was definitely pregnant it was too late to terminate. I think she was about eight months pregnant at our mock A levels and deferred the real thing until the following year.

She then went on to have two more children (same dad, not that it matters) and so her family was complete by the time she was 25. At thirty, she went to university, trained as a teacher and has been working successfully and happily ever since. Her children are now 27, 25 and 21, have all finished university, she and her DH are 45 and tbh have had a great life.

I know it sounds like I’m bitter and I’m 100% not! Shes awesome. But I was thinking about the sneery comments she had at the time this morning (I posted a birthday card to her) and now I think how well it’s gone for her. I kind of wonder sometimes if it makes sense to have your kids really young. But then not many people are in a stable enough relationship then. But if you are … I don’t know, maybe it’s something that should be considered.

What next? …upcoming “engagements” ….humanitarian projects….will they ? Won’t they? 🤷‍♀️
welcome everyone 👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋

What worked for us: draw names for the adults so each person buys one nicer gift instead of eight small ones, keep the kids as everyone buys for everyone, and agree a budget and a date. Then one place for lists so nobody is chasing people in the group chat. A Google Sheet is fine, a shared list app is easier. Ask people to say what they have bought, not just what they want, that is the bit that prevents duplicates.

IToday i’ve realised how much my ds actually posts on social media. I knew he had TikTok and Instagram but not to this extent. I thought he mostly watched videos and followed bands etc but he’s got about 1.5k followers on TikTok and 53k likes altogether. He’s mostly showing his outfits, lip syncing to music and talking about bands he likes. Some of them are quite niche and he gets really into them. There’s pictures of himself too and the odd video talking about how he’s feeling. I just didn’t realise how much he was putting out there.

He’s 14, autistic and has quite significant mental health issues. He’s had a difficult couple of years and barely goes to school now. Last year they were fairly lax about his dyed hair and piercings because he was in the hub for most of the day anyway, it’s a room for the autistic children away from the other pupils. He’s got quite a few piercings already and is constantly begging me for more. The school have now changed their stance and said if they allow it for him they’d have to allow it for everyone, so he’s stopped attending altogether. It’s all got very difficult tbh.

He dresses emo/scene and it’s very much his thing. I’m not against how he looks and he’s openly bisexual on TikTok which isn’t an issue in our house. He doesn’t really have any friends in real life which I do worry about, although he’d probably tell you he doesn’t need any. Social media seems to be where he gets most of his interaction with people.

Some of the comments are a bit concerning. Some people take the piss out of him or call him weird and he’ll argue back for ages instead of just ignoring them. Then there are accounts that look like teenage girls flirting with him, calling him cute and tagging their friends under his pictures. One seems to comment on quite a lot of his stuff. I don’t know these girls or whether they’re actually who they say they are.

He does have an online friend who’s a girl and she’s 16. I’ve actually met her as they went to a small gig together and she seemed perfectly nice, also very scene and they have similar music tastes. So I know not every online friendship is dodgy and I’m not against him having friends online. They get on well and she seems to understand him. It’s the other accounts I don’t know what to make of.

I don’t want to ban everything just because I’m worried, as social media is one of the few places he seems confident and he does get a lot out of the music side of it. With him not really going to school or having friends outside the internet I worry taking it away would leave him even more isolated. But equally he’s not great at judging people’s intentions sometimes and can be very trusting if someone seems to like him. He gets defensive if I question anything and says I’m treating him like a little kid.

I just don’t know if I’m being too relaxed about the attention he’s getting, especially with his mental health being how it is. I knew he had social media, I just didn’t realise how public it all was or how many people were interacting with him.

Hear me out before you attack.

Currently living in rental property after splitting with ex partner. We own the home he is living in jointly.
The landlord of my rental wants to sell and I would like to buy it but the additional 5% stamp duty rate for what would count as a second home is a killer.
Are there any conveyancing solicitors who could advise on how to avoid (not evade) this extra 5%?

England did reasonably well in the latest PISA results, much better than Scotland and Wales
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cvgy6n0l4rdo

I'd be interested in comparing opinions on how much credit Gove's GCSE reform of 2013 deserves for this.

I don't like Gove (a Brexiter who famously said that all schools should be above average...) but I am open to admitting that I can disagree with someone on a topic but still agree on another.

It's not clear to me what the main difference between Gove's GCSE and the previous system was: did coursework use to count in the previous system, whereas he made the GCSE reliant only on the final examination? Has this made the results fairer and more reliable, to the extent that the test and the marking are the same across the country?

It's also not clear to me how the Welsh system differs. I remember many comments from Welsh politicians against teaching to the test and in favour of a more comprehensive approach, but I do not understand what it means in practice.

What was most striking for me was that the results were not driven by socio-economic factors, and that English students in deprived areas still did better than Welsh students in less deprived areas (based on the press - I haven't analysed the reports myself), so it's not a matter of London being richer and skewing the results.

Thoughts?

I slept with a senior colleague and now I'm panicking that people might have noticed and that I've completely ruined my reputation. I was feeling fine until this evening when the worry set in after I told my sister and she more or less called me a slut (different words but message was clear). I've never done this before (nor had I planned for it!), but it just happened and I feel pretty emotional now.
It was at a work event and I didn't think that anyone had noticed us missing but 2 people made comments to me today which make me think that they might have been hinting, and I've been ruminating. I'm probably catastrophising but now unsure what will happen if someone noticed and reports this to HR? Can I get fired for this if we aren't in a line manager employee situation?
This is my first proper job with a career opportunity and now I'm freaing myself out maybe.

I’m a single mum to 4, DD13, DS10, DS7 and DD3. DS10 is autistic and needs quite a lot of support with everyday things, especially changes to plans and busy places. He’s not a naughty child, he just gets overwhelmed quite quickly and once he’s past a certain point there’s not much I can do except get him somewhere quiet and let him settle. I’m not really sure how to explain it without making him sound like a nightmare because he isn’t, but it can be hard work.

DD13 has always been quite independent and doesn’t ask for much. She’s into music and seeing her friends and mostly just gets on with things. I’ve probably relied on that a bit too much if I’m honest. Last weekend she wanted me to take her and a friend into town and then collect them later. DS was already having a difficult day and I couldn’t make it work, so she ended up getting the bus with her friend instead. She was fine at the time but yesterday she told me she’s sick of everything being about him and that she feels like she doesn’t matter unless I’m needed for something.

It wasn’t said in a massive row either, which probably made it worse. She was helping me put some washing away and just said it like she’d been thinking about it for ages. I asked her what she meant and she said we never do anything she wants because I’m always worrying about how DS will cope. She brought up a day out we’d planned in the summer that we cut short because he was struggling, and a cinema trip we’d talked about but never actually booked. I could feel myself getting defensive because I do try, and it’s not as if I deliberately choose him over her.

The awkward thing is I don’t have loads of help. The younger three’s dad is around but he’s unreliable, and I can’t always count on him to have them when he says he will. My eldest’s dad has her alternate weekends, but he lives far enough away that he can’t just pop over and take her somewhere. My mum helps if she can, but she’s got her own health issues and I can’t expect her to manage all four.

I know DD13 has missed out on things and I hate that she feels this way. At the same time, I can’t just pretend DS doesn’t have additional needs because his sister wants to go somewhere. Sometimes I can arrange for someone to take him or stay with him, but it isn’t always possible, and I can’t afford to pay for childcare every time either.

I did tell her she matters just as much as the others, but she said she knows I love her and that’s not the point. Which I suppose is fair enough. I just don’t know what I’m meant to say when I can’t promise things will change overnight. I don’t want her to feel she’s had to grow up quicker because she’s the oldest, but I also can’t magic up another adult to help me.

Has anyone else been in this position with siblings, especially when one child needs more support? How do you make the other children feel seen without making promises you might not be able to keep?

You’re not going to want to listen to me, but you must.

Please take your bag of salt and vinegar crisps and put them in the freezer for a few hours.

Enjoy a bowl of them straight from the freezer.

Please report back with your findings.

I'm currently divorcing my husband. I've been strong and angry, but totally I'm just feeling heartbreakingly sad. I've tried some Taylor swift songs but they just aren't sad enough. Anyone got any recommendations for some songs I can just be utterly broken to for an hour before I sick it all back up and crack on. I've currently got hurt by Jonny cash on but it's not quite the vibe I want.

My daughter and this girl have been friends since preschool and the girl recently celebrated her 8th birthday. We found out that my daughter was not invited. That girl has been invited to all out parties since preschool and even to my daughter's 8th birthday party just a few weeks ago.

The mum and I are quite close and I am not lying, I am a bit hurt that my daughter was not invited. They don't go to the same school anymore but I do feel like she should have been invited considering the mum and I are very close friends and our families see each other quite often? I found out through a mutual friend who attends the same school as the girl and the girl blurted out to my daughter when we dropped by their place to give her a birthday present.

I actually regret even giving her a present because I felt like my daughter was left out. Aibu?

I haven't brought it up to my friend and I am guessing she assumes we don't know that they had a party. I don't know if i should bring it up or just let it go and keep my distance now.

Welcome to the 12th thread, we still have 50 days till the daily unboxing officially starts, although I very much doubt any of our calendars will remain untouched until then 😂
Still time for lots more friendly chat, tips and discount codes - to cut down on links as a poster requested, here's link to some very comprehensive run-downs of the calendars https://beauty-detective.com/category/beauty-advent-calendars/
When enjoying those breakdowns please remember that some are OOS already - Harrod's Fragrance, Harrod's Beauty and Selfridges Beauty to name a few.

Hi, I’m wondering if people can give their perspectives on this relationship and whether I’m fighting a losing battle.

I’ve been with my partner 5 years. He has DD10 and DS11. They are with us every weekend and on Wednesday evenings.

Currently my partner is running a tennis club on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. These classes are 6pm until 10pm (travel inclusive).

This leaves us with Wednesday as “our time”. I’ve expressed in the past that this doesn’t feel enough for me. But he’s told me that he’s unable to drop the commitment at the tennis club.

At the weekends, his Dds are here. DD10 has SEN and acts younger than her age. I love them both every much, I’ve been in their lives for 4 years. But weekends are full on - either driving to clubs, family days out. They go to bed around 10 meaning we don’t have evenings together either. I accepted this and fully embrace them being here. It does feel nice to feel like part of their family and I can’t fault them, they’re lovely kids.

My issue is that I feel like me and my partner are passing ships.

He’s just told me he intends to join the reserve army? He said training will take place Tuesdays 6:30-9:30.

I’m very hurt. It’s the one day a week I feel we have time to be a couple. I think we’ve lost sight of this and function more as a family unit. I know parents do not have time “off” parenting, but I am a parent’s partner. I did chose to date a man with children and I would never begrudge them being here. They’re only here 3 days a week. But every time they’re not here, DP is out doing his tennis, and now, the reserves. If he joins, it will also mean a weekend away from DDs. He’s said that they’re still welcome to come over, and of course they are, but where’s the consideration for what I want?

I’ve told him I think it will negatively affect our relationship if he maintains his tennis club and army training.. he says I’m controlling. Do you think I am controlling?

I'm looking for a corduroy dress, probably button through, preferably elbow length sleeves, just above knee length. It needs to be a petite fit ideally- I'm 5ft 1 and size 16. I've tried a couple from Next - a green one from m&co- sleeves too tight and restrictive and a beautiful dark red one from love and roses - too a line for me. Any ideas anyone please? Any suggestions of an alternative would be welcome. Just needs to be warmish and suitable for a nice pub lunch. Can anyone help please?