No one checked on me

[Habesha91]

I'm currently on maternity leave after giving birth 3 weeks ago. So far no one has checked on me to see how me and baby doing. I have already let the team know and sent baby pic. I'm also in a WhatsApp group chat with two colleagues who I'm close to, I sent a text on the group chat last week to see how they are as well as a pic when baby was born.

If I didn't text last week I don't think I would hear from them. Am I being unreasonable to feel to feel hurt? I know they might be trying to give me some space but we are the type who chat regularly. I have also been in regular contact with one of them when she lost a parent and we never kept distance between us.

Work relationships can be strange. Over the years and in different roles there have been ones I got extremely close to, shared everything with them, more than my outside of work friendships. They helped me through some tough times, I helped them back, we shared laughs, socialised outside of work. But when leaving the workplace we didnt keep up contact, sometimes we did for a bit, sometimes 1 or 2 messages but that was it.

I dont know why but often friendships formed in the workplace end as soon as you or they leave. If a staff member is on longterm leave it is often out of sight out of mind. It is only after reading your post I recall that my closest workmate at the time bought presents for my baby to be before I left, then maybe 1 or 2 occasions messaging to fill me in on the gossip. I didnt think anything of it as was doing my own thing. When I returned she was heavily pregnant. Same thing, I give gifts, kept in touch a little to fill in on work based gossip. When we were both back we were close again, even turned down a job share promotion as it would have meant working separate shifts. But still when we left we only met up a couple of times and that was that.

Just enjoy your baby and your everyday life, it doesn't mean they don't like you, just workplace friendships can be conditional on you physically being there

I dont know why but often friendships formed in the workplace end as soon as you or they leave

@BrokenWingsCantFly - because like I said above they aren't real friendships and it surprises me how many people don't get this. They are relationships based on convenience and proximity only; they don't run to any real depth. Your colleagues are not your friends.

Why would they be? For the most part, the only thing you have in common is that you work in the same place. It's like your neighbours; they are random people who live near you. If you lined all of these people up and interviewed them for the role of "your friend", 99.9% of them wouldn't get a second interview. They are people who are ok and pleasant enough to while away a coffee or a lunch or after work drink with but not enough to make any real effort with once that convenience is gone. It can look like more because if you are in an emotional crisis human nature is to talk to people you are seeing regularly to unload so it can feel like its deeper but it isn't.

It's possible for people who spend years working in one place to not understand this, delude themselves into believing they have a tightknit band of really good friends at work and get a nasty shock when they leave when no one can be bothered to even pick up the phone.

Aren't some people awful.

Congratulations on your baby - bit sad that nobody has been in touch.

Almost like posting a question on a forum and then totally ignoring all the replies.

On 2 separate threads as well

@mutleyschuckles

Thanks for that - great username btw!

OP - I've just looked at your other recent thread about these same colleagues (you didn't come back to that one either!).

It's quite rude to ask for advice and then not acknowledge anything that has been said, yet you are upset that nobody has responded to you IRL. Ironic.