No one checked on me

[Habesha91]

I'm currently on maternity leave after giving birth 3 weeks ago. So far no one has checked on me to see how me and baby doing. I have already let the team know and sent baby pic. I'm also in a WhatsApp group chat with two colleagues who I'm close to, I sent a text on the group chat last week to see how they are as well as a pic when baby was born.

If I didn't text last week I don't think I would hear from them. Am I being unreasonable to feel to feel hurt? I know they might be trying to give me some space but we are the type who chat regularly. I have also been in regular contact with one of them when she lost a parent and we never kept distance between us.

Perhaps something is going on at work which they don’t want to bother you with right now. Or for the key players in their personal lives. If you’ve done nothing wrong, it won’t be about you. Enjoy your baby and try to forget about work!

Do they know you want them to check on you? Do you need some support or something? Normally it's not appropriate to contact staff on leave.

I wouldn’t expect to chat to a colleague on maternity leave. The whole point is that you’re away from work and focusing on you and your little one.

Its nice to have a pic and then meeting the new baby on your KIT day but other than that I’d think it strange if someone kept messaging the work chat.

have they responded or reacted to your message about the baby's birth?

As a new mum too I can understand why you might feel put out esp if you thought you were friends.

However I think the hormones might be at play here. You haven’t done anything wrong, they are probably giving you space or busy or just got a lot on.

I haven’t heard from anyone really at work apart from 2 texts, and it feels a bit off when you would normally speak daily at work. But this is the true line of friends vs colleagues

YABU. They are work colleagues not your friends. They are busy doing their own thing.

Congratulations on your little one OP.

I think you’re very pretty occupied with work and the various group chats as you often start threads about them. Do you perhaps think you see your colleagues more as friends while they see you more as a colleague?

Regardless, put work and the group chats out of your mind and enjoy this time with your baby

You are on maternity leave, you really need to just forget about work for a bit.

Nobody at work wants to disturb a new mum when she might be sleep deprived and trying to just get on with it.

Congratulations on your baby. Your work mates are probably not in touch as you’re on mat leave and probably know how intense a newborn can be. Maybe once you’re ready take the baby into work for coffee/lunch with your colleagues and use your “keeping in touch days” if you have them. But for now, try not to take things personal.

YABU. They're colleagues with their own lives. Friends and family can be expected to 'check on' you. Not people who are only in your life because of work.

They are giving you space. You’re off work so they likely assume you don’t want regular contact with colleagues.

I’d say they are probably just giving you space and don’t want to bother you after you’ve just had a baby! Congrats!

Why do you want them to check on you? They’re being professional giving you space. I’m not sure what you mean

As long as they responded to your announcement and photo with appropriate congratulations I think this is pretty normal. I would only contact a colleague on maternity leave if we had an extremely close (the kind where I think we will stay long term friends even if one of us leaves the job). Everyone else I would assume they're busy with their new baby, won't want to hear about work and I'd leave them alone.

Is this more about going through a transition and feeling a bit uncertain through the change? Rather than actually wanting to hear the minutiae of your colleagues working lives. Try and put work out of your mind for the immediate few months.

I would think it’s quite rude to contact a colleague on leave with a 3 week old baby when they’ve already updated you. They’ve got the update that you and baby are healthy, that’s all they need

Why would they check in on you? You are on maternity leave and it would be very inappropriate for work to contact you to check in on you. Some people would complain about that.

Some places are like this now, sadly. Ours did no messages for a woman off with cancer, and there's someone who has been there over a decade who's been off months now and no one but the line manager messaged (and only in line with sickness policy), while they're doing a collection for someone who's been there far less time. It's face fitting. Not many of their staff have been there long and you can bet I won't be, sorry but it sounds like your place is one like mine.

Gently, yabu. Enjoy mat leave.

I really like my colleague on mat leave but it feels really wrong to text her randomly, so maybe they are waiting til you are back.

It doesn’t sound at all like that based on the little info OP has provided. Sorry your work place is awful but not mithering colleagues with newborns is normal healthy workplace behaviour. I’m sure her ‘face fits’ fine

They’re trying not to disturb you

I think this is normal. I am assuming they congratulated you on the birth of your child, that is all they need to do really. When I was on mat leave, I had the initial congratulations messages when my son was born, but then I didn't hear from anyone until I went back 9 months later.

I’d say you know your own workplace and what seems ‘normal’.

3 of my colleagues visited me at home (and were welcome to) after DS was born, and actually we’d popped into the office with him before he was a week old, but it’s a small team with a low turnover so we’ve all known each other and each other’s personal triumphs and disasters for years. One of my team recently had a month off sick and I know at least 3 colleagues visited her during that time.

Other workplaces may be (from what I can ascertain from MN) more standoffish and hold a firmer line between colleagues and friends.

Congraulations on your baby OP.

this.