People and lifts!

[PearsandAlmonds]

What is it about lifts that brings the worst out in people?

We have a woman who is currently interning for a short period of time in our department (in her thirties - not a teen).

While I don't directly work in the area she's in, her manager got in contact with me because we live in the same area and asked if I could bring her in for about a month, six weeks at the most, until she is moved on to the next department in her internship. She's been waiting at the end of my road every morning, and I have been picking her up with absolutely no issues for about a month. She is on time, always ready to go. Perfectly pleasant.

I am away for work for a few days, so I mentioned this to her in advance and also let her manager know in passing that alternate arrangements need to be made (as he thought the 6 weeks were fully covered)

She turned up this morning, knocked on my front door, and when my DH answered, said that she expected that 'someone' would drive her in because I was away.

He laughingly said, 'What, on the handlebars of my bicycle?' She got very affronted at that. (He was dressed in cycle gear, to be clear, and had a bike out in the hallway ready to go - as he was on the way to his job)

She then just stood there and asked what he was going to do about it (not aggressively but obviously expecting him to solve or do something) - he said 'I am sure you will work it out' and cycled off

Who does that?!?

Ahahahaha that is so weird. But your manager shouldn't have asked you anyway! I would have just declined.

That manager is out of order for even asking you!! You get a job, you find a way yourself to travel to your workplace! Why is everyone fawning over this helpless employee. I wouldn’t be happy she now knows where I live. The manager’s handled this badly imo. And she’s a nutter, expecting someone in your household to drive her in!

Interested this ‘intern’, has managed to stay alive to long enough to reach her 30’s? 🤪

I honestly completely and utterly despair. I’ve known teens on work experience who manage perfectly well (in this day and age too) to come into work on their own speed. (By themselves).

Because if she was being paid from the company to drive the women then it might have been an agreement and part of her internship, as someone else already said up thread.

If the company wasn't contributing to petrol money, and this woman didn't offer, then no way would I be continuing being a taxi service when I returned to work!

but the question wasn't about the company paying the OP, it was about the CF "contributing".

And even if she was contributing, it would make no difference. Demanding a lift when someone is not home is just insane. I would report her to the office because she cannot be seriously suitable for the office 😂

If the company was in fact paying the OP for it then when they found out OP was away for work surely they would have paid for a taxi for this woman?

If transport costs were included, this woman (who was also aware OP was away) would have simply taken a taxi from her house to work and passed the bill on to the company

OP, are you insured for business use as well as commuting? Would your insurer deem a ‘company directed’ lift to be a work task and therefore business use? Are you covered? (This might be solution to avoid being volunteered for future lifts?).

he said 'I am sure you will work it out' and cycled off

ha ha ha, this tickled me!

I need to be more like OPs husband 🤣

How an adult gets to work is not your problem. The manager should have never have even asked you to help. How she’s get to work should have been arranged by her before the first day even started

It would be close to that for me. I hate giving lifts. I like my me time in the car listening to the podcasts I want to listen to. I don't like having to make small talk especially in the morning. I'd prefer not to be distracted while driving.
Definitely would not be offering up lifts willingly!

Back at work today so I can answer some questions.

The internship a Introductory step towards a professional qualification
No ND that I am aware of or was advised to accommodate for (but I am no Dr)
No petrol money; I am insured to take staff in my car - I was happy to help as the commute is not far. It was for a set time only, and as I said she's been on time and perfectly pleasant throughout.

Update from the woman's manager (for this part of the internship): he apologised, agreed that I will not be offering further lifts, and, by way of explanation, all he said was 'she is the most pathologically passive person he has ever met in his life'

He has invited me out for a coffee at lunch (I think it is so he can give me the full lowdown off work systems and business premises :D )

*passively waiting for the post lunch update.

Has she got learning difficulties? It’s too odd for words. Can’t she get on a bus or get an Uber? How can she possible do a full time job with so little initiative?

We both had to move the chat forward as we had other stuff pop up later in the day, so only time for a quick chat over a coffee with very little detail.

The long and short of it:

He said it is as if her life goal was to do as little as humanly possible to get by. At first, he thought she might be in need of some extra guidance, but then he realised after having a few conversations with her that her passivity is a choice on her part. Essentially, she is of the opinion that if you leave a gap, people cannot help themselves but step in to fill it and solve the issue.

While she didn't outright say this, she inferred that it made her awkward enough that people don't give her any responsibility, don't ask anything of her, and don't expect anything from her. It seems, according to her, it is a very successful way to get promoted out of a department (Or maybe get put on a cushy internship so that you are replaced in a role that requires somebody to be proactive)

Her manager was rather frustrated, as previously, when we have hosted internships, the placement involved working directly within the department, which required formal feedback. This would have allowed him to highlight this behaviour. However, this initial part of the internship is focused entirely on introductions. There is no requirement for formal feedback, and when he asked to provide some, he was advised it was not necessary at this stage, as it is a tour of what we do, our working areas, and our facilities, rather than the practical placement stage, which will come later and require formal feedback.

She sounds infuriating! Passive and lazy people drive me mad!

He said she was the most oddly mercenary person he had ever met; she seemed to think it made people happy to help - so she put herself in a position that required helping, and it was a win-win. People got a warm fuzzy feeling; she got whatever needed sorting sorted out.

What a wild way to think about the dynamics of the world.

That's wild

This is fascinating and bizarre. Did you find out how she got to work after sitting on your wall for a while?

I think there are an awful lot of adults who think the whole world exists to manage their life for them. they absolve themselves from the responsibility and expect someone else to manage it for them.
There was a mum at primary who constantly wanted driving places, to spoon feed her every bit of information she needed, sort out everything for her child.
Ive worked in schools and these people are not a rarity sadly.

Sorry, I forgot to say - she called the manager from the previous placement, said she was stuck, and he sent someone to collect her.

Which I suppose proves her point quite neatly.

There are spoilt children who grow up like this. That being pretty and pleasant your contribution, and other people will provide.

That is a fascinating attitude to have!

Am I the only one wondering what hold the passive one has over the previous manager ?

I love the phrase "pathologically passive" it seems a step up (or perhaps just a drift away) from weaponised incompetence. I know that leaving gaps in a conversation can encourage others to speak but never thought to extend it to all areas of life.