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Original poster

Genuine question - how much personal info do you share with your colleagues?

71 replies

LookItsMeAgain · 15/04/2021 11:25

I work in a very small team, there is me (woman), my colleague (woman) and my team leader (man). That's it.
My colleague transferred to the team during the second lockdown and I trained them in over the internet and using WhatsApp or whatever software we could use to have online meetings at the time. I've never worked in an office with this colleague being part of my team, only remotely (in case this is relevant).
This colleague has over the past few months divulged when she is on her period, when she has migraines, when she has a smear test, when she has a urinary tract infection.
I'm uncomfortable with this information being shared with me. I don't want to know any of these things about any of my colleagues, whether they are my team mates or not.

My question is twofold. How much personal information do you share with your colleagues and is what I've described considered 'oversharing'??

OP posts:
BlowDryRat · 15/04/2021 11:43

Migraine info is par for the course as they can affect your ability to work. I wouldn't share the rest though, unless I was feeling too ill to work.

muddledmidget · 15/04/2021 11:49

I think I'd know about the migraine, smear test and UTI for any of my colleagues, the period probably for the 2 that still have them (and I know about the hysterectomies of those that don't still have them/that they're on the mini pill so don't have them!). We're a very oversharibf bunch, but we do work together in close physical contact, and also work within healthcare which really does mean no topic is off limits! With someone I'd never actually met in person, no I don't think I'd want to know

Paspourmoi · 15/04/2021 11:57

Oh goodness! I was going to say that I share loads - my colleagues and I know plenty about each other’s families, pets, parents etc. But no, not personal health stuff, and definitely not periods. I work in a team of four, and other than me two are male and the other woman is in her 60s. So I’m the only one having periods and it would be bizarre to draw attention to them!

Original poster
LookItsMeAgain · 15/04/2021 11:58

@BlowDryRat - would you not just say that you have an appointment with your GP and you'll be taking a longer lunchtime or something? To actually share that you have to bring a sample in to the GP or whatever and then to share that your GP has diagnosed X or Y that you may have (which will be cleared up by taking a course of antibiotics)...I'm not normally squeamish but I'm just trying to gauge where the line of normal conversation is and where oversharing is too.
I mean I don't tell anyone my medical information unless is has a direct affect on their workload (for example when I got Covid earlier this year I had to take time off to recover so I had to tell them that, but if I was having a smear test done, I'd arrange for it to be done either before or after work and I wouldn't mention it to my colleagues as it wouldn't impact on their workload).

OP posts:
whattocallhim · 15/04/2021 12:04

God totally normal in my work, though we are a team of 4 youngish ladies. If someone said they have a gp appointment and no details we would start to worry!

goodwinter · 15/04/2021 12:08

I would tell my team about a migraine but none of the others. However I wouldn't feel uncomfortable about any of that other stuff being shared with me.

MaidEdithofAragon · 15/04/2021 12:10

All woman team. Pretty much all details are shared!

EventuallyDistracted · 15/04/2021 12:14

Female colleagues that I get on well with the pretty well anything goes healthwise. Male colleagues, maybe not so much. However if it makes you feel uncomfortable it's oversharing. Maybe next time say "too much information!" and smile, hopefully she'll get the hint.

LolaSmiles · 15/04/2021 12:14

It depends on the team and the situation.

Some colleagues I've worked with a big oversharers and I feel a bit uncomfortable with it because we seemed to get a regular update about their various ailments, their family's health, the spot on the back of their husband's back, the love lives of their siblings.

Other colleagues that are friends tend to have a more friendly share level. One of my work friends knew when I had fertility appointments and I knew about some of their medical tests. It wasn't a team conversation and even though we've both moved on, we are still friends.

CommandoDog · 15/04/2021 12:24

All female team? I don't think having a period is a secret - in fact it annoys me that women can't speak more openly about something so bloody common and every day, we all have smears too - of we are responsible. Migraine or UTI can make you feel pretty miserable. I don't think any of these are that shocking to share really.

UnwantedOpinionBelow · 15/04/2021 22:01

I don't see anything wrong with sharing these details. Even today my colleague announced she was on her period and I have also said when I have had a uti. I personally wouldn't mention having a smear test, but I wouldn't look at my colleague differently if they told me they had one. Periods and smear tests are nothing to be ashamed of.

WonkyCactus · 15/04/2021 22:03

I wouldn't tell my colleagues about any of that stuff apart from the migraine.

Neonprint · 15/04/2021 22:06

Could you expand on why you feel uncomfortable with this information. Beyond it is personal? I genuinely font understand why this would make you uncomfortable.

Imnothereforthedrama · 15/04/2021 22:09

I agree that’s too personal for a colleague. Maybe in confidence but not just random talking . What do you say hey how was your smear tears? Oh it was great thanks.
Bizarre what some people share

SadSongsAndWaltzes · 15/04/2021 22:09

Oh. I tell my female, and some close male, colleagues everything...I'm now worrying that people are secretly cringing when I talk. I know I over share sometimes, but equally I think these things shouldn't be taboo or shameful.

Imnothereforthedrama · 15/04/2021 22:09

Test not tears Grin

Clangerschick · 15/04/2021 22:11

Would talk about all of the above with both female and male colleagues and much much more and think absolutely nothing of it. Also healthcare based job though there are literally no limits or boundaries to cross :)

RolloTomassi · 15/04/2021 22:16

I'd definitely talk that kind of stuff with two of my colleagues, both young women like me who I consider to also be friends.

I'm more discreet around the others (even though all are nice), and definitely wouldn't enter health/personal care territory with any of the men.

saraclara · 15/04/2021 22:17

Honestly? I have no idea why people share this sort of stuff. Why do they think I care when they're in their period/have a uti/have a smear test or anything else medical/ involving body parts?

I listened politely of course, but it wouldn't occur to me to share this kind of thing.

I shared enough about my family stuff with my team to be a real person to them and to be able to empathise with their own issues etc. But mostly I compartmentalised my life. I hate gossip, and my life was pretty different from theirs. I didn't want colleagues showing an unhealthy interest in me, my friends and my life.

Jobsharenightmare · 15/04/2021 22:22

Have never worked anywhere after being 22 where people share this level of personal info OP. It seems like there are no boundaries and this woman behaves as though she is amongst friends with no adjustment to it being a workplace.

MrsCrosbyNRTB · 15/04/2021 22:25

I’m a HCP working in the same team for about 20 years. There’s a few of us dinosaurs who’ve worked together for the whole of the time - we’ve done breakups, coming out, marriages, babies, divorces, bereavements, affairs, health issues, MH problems etc together so NOTHING is not discussed! The more junior staff have latched onto this pretty quick and join in. It’s great. When one of our team was TTC and stressed as it took a long time we sorted her rota so she’d be off when she was ovulating (13 hours shifts incl nights).

We are very frontline so this closeness really really helped us get through covid as it was properly awful in our area.

I do get that we’re pretty niche though. DH thinks it’s bizarre Grin

Livingonadream · 15/04/2021 22:29

I HATE sharing medical information. If my colleague said to me they were attending a hospital appointment and didn't offer any further details then I would take it they want to keep it private and leave it at that.
My workplace is not like that unfortunately. I'm currently under investigation for what I hope is nothing serious and do not want to share at this stage what it is with anyone I work with. My appointments are done in work time as I'm full time but I don't get paid for the time off I have (fine by me) but my colleagues down right nosiness about where I'm going and what it's to do with drives me insane. They know it's a medical appointment, surely that's enough information shared!

Ellenthegenerous · 15/04/2021 22:33

I started a new job last year and have made a conscious effort to not reveal much. I’ve never been an over sharer re periods or whatnot. They know very little about me and I want it to stay that way. I have nothing to hide but I’m there to do a job. While it’s a pleasant working environment and I get on with my colleagues, they are not my friends.

nagrama · 15/04/2021 22:37

I'm also in a very 'sharing' team, and to be honest I don't like it. Lots of conversations about health, periods, marriages etc. It's not that there's anything 'shameful' about the subject matter, I just don't find it terribly professional. Plus, I find it quite frustrating when people (regularly) engage in a personal conversation for an hour and then complain that they haven't got time to get their work done. I'm not a robot, I'm quite happy to be friendly - but a 5 minute chat about last night's Line of Duty or your summer holiday destination while you have a coffee and then back to work is what I'm looking for, not a blow by blow account of their childbirth or their sister's marriage problems. It can be quite tricky in an open plan office to avoid the conversations. Headphones seem rude...

Nonmaquillee · 15/04/2021 22:38

All of this except the migraine is oversharing, I would feel uncomfortable around colleagues who were talking about such personal issues.

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