Please or to access all these features

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

I finally said something in public at work

131 replies

AlPaccacino · 15/09/2026 22:20

We had a training day at work about making assumptions and the way that we as emergency service workers need to think about how and why we stereotype.
Part of it was looking at celebrities and saying whether we thought they were sad or bad (holding up cards) And lo and behold JKR came up. Of course there was the usual (twattish) bloke (TB). “Oh she’s so bad. She’s a transphobe” I immediately said she’s neither. She’s a bloody queen. And also pointed out that she’d never said anything that could be considered transphobic, but standing up for women.

A surprising amount of other people agreed with me and then gratifyingly, the trainer also said that before including her in the series of photo, he’d read through everything she has said and he agreed that all she has done is to protect women’s spaces.

I was so happy, scared, worried etc but I bloody did it. I’ve only ever spoken in the shadows, as it were, with people that I’d quietly sounded out before. À year ago, I would probably have been looking at the possibility of a discussion with management if not a disciplinary, and now this.
TB made some grumbling about what he’d heard and read and then settled down into a grump. He has form for being a twat generally in discussions but this time he got shut down by the room.

OP posts:
AimsAndObjectives · 16/09/2026 09:37

PartyHard · 16/09/2026 09:32

Well done, OP. The eejits questioning you have no idea how hard it has been for women to speak in recent years.

I objected to use of the the phrase ‘trans children’ in a large meeting at work a few weeks ago. Only one person of around 60 staff asked me (in a quite indignant way) ‘why?’ and I calmly explained why I thought it was morally wrong to impose adult ‘gender identities’ on to children, and why we should allow them time to grow up and certainly not be socially transitioning them. A lot of head nodding in agreement in the room and no negative comebacks then or since.

Even a year ago I probably wouldn’t have said it, and if I did, I probably would have received complaints to HR etc.

The tide is turning.

That is excellent news. This isn't going to end until all children are safeguarded from this social contagion. Well done.

DialSquare · 16/09/2026 09:38

PartyHard · 16/09/2026 09:34

And for my comments, specifically - there is no world in which they are ‘transphobic’ and anyone who seriously thinks they are is ‘safeguarding-phobic’.

And truth-phobic (to quote The Proclaimers!)

NotBadConsidering · 16/09/2026 09:41

Every post I see from women hating organisations, posting things like the Matrix dude and Roxy Tickle etc is full of people posting their support for JKR and Sall Grover. Numbers are on the side of supporters of women.

Abouttoblow · 16/09/2026 09:43

alcovecupboards · 15/09/2026 22:52

Is that what it is when you believe in women's rights and biology but don't obsess over trans people? Lot of that around here.

🤡

augustuss · 16/09/2026 09:49

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 15/09/2026 22:26

Ravelry FB group are starting and finishing every post with FDT and FJKR. Apparently in the name of resisting fascism. So proud of themselves they are, saving the world with their proud resistance.

Isn’t Ravelry about knitting patterns and tips??!

GriseldaandMike · 16/09/2026 09:51

augustuss · 16/09/2026 09:49

Isn’t Ravelry about knitting patterns and tips??!

Yes the actual Ravelry site appears to be just that but the associated FB page is mental!

BridgetYourFortyDaysAreUp · 16/09/2026 09:51

Thank you for speaking up, OP. A lot of women cannot or don't think it's prudent, given their employment situations, so the more that feel they can, and do, the better.

And the more women speak up, the more we realize that most people feel the same about women's and children's rights.

This regime has been imposed upon us by threats and coercion, and history teaches us that those who want us to say and think and believe only what they tell us to say and think and believe, can achieve this only as long as they use Control and Fear. And people will only take so much of that before they revolt.

The history of Russia, in particular, shows us how this all goes. The days of the activist gods are waning. Just like Putin, they would rather be feared than right. It's all they have.

BridgetYourFortyDaysAreUp · 16/09/2026 09:55

Igmum · 16/09/2026 08:50

Great job @AlPaccacinoand I’m so pleased that you found yourself in a sea of TERFs. There really are sensible people everywhere.

Please ignore alcove. They spent about 3 seconds saying ‘I’m GC honest’ and now aim for about 10 snide interruptions on every thread. I’ll not sure if they’re American or a vampire but have ordered in some extra garlic just in case.

Hey! I like garlic! 😉🇺🇸

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 16/09/2026 09:58

augustuss · 16/09/2026 09:49

Isn’t Ravelry about knitting patterns and tips??!

That was why I went there… I need some knitting advice, and it’s good to see what other people are making.

But I’m not sure I trust the output of people who are so bigoted. I can’t deal with people who put ideology before individuality.

The performative has rotted their brains. It’s like a mindless reflex. Sorry for the babble. It’s hard to find the right words.

GriseldaandMike · 16/09/2026 10:24

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 16/09/2026 09:58

That was why I went there… I need some knitting advice, and it’s good to see what other people are making.

But I’m not sure I trust the output of people who are so bigoted. I can’t deal with people who put ideology before individuality.

The performative has rotted their brains. It’s like a mindless reflex. Sorry for the babble. It’s hard to find the right words.

It's so weird that they can't see how Handmaid's Tale it is to have to follow every minor knitting crochet question with under his eye FDT /FJKR. I came across a snarky "well I could help but as you are obviously a Trump lover I won't" reply to someone who was asking for some help but hadn't added FDT at the end of their post and thought this isn't for me and left. Not because I'm a Trump fan but because it's so bloody irritating.

CrossPurposes · 16/09/2026 10:38

GriseldaandMike · 16/09/2026 10:24

It's so weird that they can't see how Handmaid's Tale it is to have to follow every minor knitting crochet question with under his eye FDT /FJKR. I came across a snarky "well I could help but as you are obviously a Trump lover I won't" reply to someone who was asking for some help but hadn't added FDT at the end of their post and thought this isn't for me and left. Not because I'm a Trump fan but because it's so bloody irritating.

That sounds deranged. Actually, it is deranged.

Grammarnut · 16/09/2026 10:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AimsAndObjectives · 16/09/2026 10:44

CrossPurposes · 16/09/2026 10:38

That sounds deranged. Actually, it is deranged.

OMG I just went to have a look. What an unhinged bunch of people😱

INeedAPensieve · 16/09/2026 11:13

CrossPurposes · 16/09/2026 10:38

That sounds deranged. Actually, it is deranged.

Yeah, that's just batshit! It's a FB group about knitting!!!!?! Why should anyone be forced to declare their political or ideological beliefs before getting help with knitting patterns?

lcakethereforeIam · 16/09/2026 11:39

All that tension!

TheywontletmehavethenameIwant · 16/09/2026 11:40

lcakethereforeIam · 16/09/2026 11:39

All that tension!

😂

(that's so old it's got hairs on it)

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 16/09/2026 11:43

What’s really annoying is the slapping they hand out to anyone who questions it. Apparently if we want a group that isn’t about parroting political slogans (sound familiar?) we need to go somewhere else because this one is.

But they’ve effectively stolen the name (familiar?). If they called it Ravelery Rebellion or something then I’d happily move along.

To be fair to them, I seem to remember it happened as a result of the red hat knitting which raised money for something important. I seem to remember I was in agreement with that, whatever it was. That’s when political pushing and shoving began, and it may well have been intensified by the MAGA people trying to shut down the red hat people.

But it’s the usual over correction and radicalisation. To the point of derangement, as you say.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 16/09/2026 11:44

Bravo @lcakethereforeIam

Monty36 · 16/09/2026 11:57

I will be honest and say this doesn’t sound very professionally led.
The object of the exercise was to identify how people stereotype. With I assume a purpose to just be aware of your own prejudices and how to manage them.
The object of the trainer is not to divulge his or her opinion in such an exercise.

Heggettypeg · 16/09/2026 13:04

INeedAPensieve · 16/09/2026 11:13

Yeah, that's just batshit! It's a FB group about knitting!!!!?! Why should anyone be forced to declare their political or ideological beliefs before getting help with knitting patterns?

The most distasteful part is what they're sharing. Even something like an obligatory "Praise the Lord" or "I vote (whatever)" would be a bit 1984, but at least positive. Bonding over a ritual hate and making it the price of acceptance is something else.

MmeGallimaufry · 16/09/2026 13:24

Well done OP. Very heartening to hear of the reaction you got.

Every time a woman speaks out it gets a bit easier for everyone else and makes it harder to claim we're a bitter, backward minority on the wrong side of history.

RhannionKPSS · 16/09/2026 13:30

Good for you 👏👏👏it’s not easy to speak up in a crowd especially if you think you are the only one who feels that way.

PoppySeedBagelRedux · 16/09/2026 13:34

I believe Ravelry was developed by a woman and her husband and then he decided he was a ladee, hence the blue and pink decorations in places.

well done OP and the trainer.

Thechickenhasmypillow · 16/09/2026 13:39

AlPaccacino · 15/09/2026 22:20

We had a training day at work about making assumptions and the way that we as emergency service workers need to think about how and why we stereotype.
Part of it was looking at celebrities and saying whether we thought they were sad or bad (holding up cards) And lo and behold JKR came up. Of course there was the usual (twattish) bloke (TB). “Oh she’s so bad. She’s a transphobe” I immediately said she’s neither. She’s a bloody queen. And also pointed out that she’d never said anything that could be considered transphobic, but standing up for women.

A surprising amount of other people agreed with me and then gratifyingly, the trainer also said that before including her in the series of photo, he’d read through everything she has said and he agreed that all she has done is to protect women’s spaces.

I was so happy, scared, worried etc but I bloody did it. I’ve only ever spoken in the shadows, as it were, with people that I’d quietly sounded out before. À year ago, I would probably have been looking at the possibility of a discussion with management if not a disciplinary, and now this.
TB made some grumbling about what he’d heard and read and then settled down into a grump. He has form for being a twat generally in discussions but this time he got shut down by the room.

This is wonderful!
Everyone i work with knows I'm a Terf and most of them agree.
The one or 2 that don't can never quite pinpoint what JKR said that's transphobic.

We all actually rub along nicely because it's the real world and not a frothy echo chamber

Lins77 · 16/09/2026 13:40

Were sad or bad the only choices?

I'm wondering who the other celebs were now!