My work insisting I refer to a 9 year old as they/them

[TheMadGardener]

I work in a British primary school. Just started new term. Long standing pupil, a girl, is starting Year 5 now so she is 9 years old. No issues until now although parents are quite "alternative/new age."

Headteacher has informed staff that according to the child and her parents this girl has decided to be non-binary. Staff are now to refer to her as they/them and she is now using a gender-neutral shortened version of her name (think Alex instead of Alexandra or Jo instead of Joanna).

I am extremely uncomfortable with this and will definitely not be using they/them - I will be referring to the child by her chosen abbreviation to avoid using pronouns (at least it's a shortening of her real name rather than a made-up name).

Serious question: I thought new legislation discouraged schools from getting on board with this sort of thing? Or is it only they can't let children do it without parents knowing?

I'm finding it very hard to keep my mouth shut on my actual opinions in the presence of headteacher. (Colleagues I've spoken to on the quiet all think it is bullshit too)

I work in the NHS OP we all think its utter bullshit too. But we have no choice except smile and suck it up.
I tend to just use the name and avoid saying any pronouns.
Ill continue to fight the good fight outside work.

just genuinely feels like a girl in a boy’s body

How does that work, how does an adult feel that let alone a child, what the hell does that mean.

Until the people advocating for this deeply, deeply stupid ideology can explain the simplest of things, it will continue to be challenged and questioned.
With all the cheerleaders on this thread one of them should surely be able to explain that.

How does a child know, think, feel, come to believe, they're in the wrong body? and what does being in the wrong body mean?

We get quite a few mentally ill male customers in dresses. I go out of my way to just refer to them as "customer" but it's remarkably easy for "he, him,his" to come out of your mouth instead, because they are men. Despite what they like to pretend actually going along with someones pretence is hard work and does not come naturally.

How is validating this ridiculous nonsense being kind? Women being kind is what has helped to fuel the growth of the trans stupidity.

Very few people want to be defined by a set of stereotypes

Males are not emotional - bit difficult to be a world class actor if you are emotionally illiterate

Females can’t cope with life or death stresses - apart from the vast numbers of women who work in emergency medicine perhaps

Cooking is for girls - tell that to Gordon Ramsey

Max Factor was a man, Bobbi Brown is a woman both created make up brands.

The vast majority of people who are not forced into rigid stereotypes by social pressures do not conform to either stereotype. Gender critical feminism utterly rejects those stereotypes. Having a biological sex doesn’t mean you have to dress a particular way, do a particular job or have particular hobbies.

👍🏻

It’s Be Kind that helped get us into this shit show

@godmum56
No thats not true people with very rare disorders of sex development are not non binary or both sexes or any other nonsense. And this bizarre and unhelpful fixation people have with this very rare medical condition has nothing whatsoever to do with children who dont have it!
I watched quite a lot of that truly horrifying TV show about that child in the USA known as Jazz Jennings. Children should not be transitioned to the other sex nor should they be told non binary is a real thing. Ive seen some awful things in real life in secondary schools and heard some desperately sad stories but seeing that teenagers life destroyed by his parents was next level.

So what is Alex doing that is disruptive in the way someone hanging from the curtain rail is? Or using a litter tray?

Alex wants to be called they/them. There is an easy workaround if you dont want to called Alex they or them, you use their name.

If they are still using the female facilities, toilets etc, why is this such a problem. If you make it a big deal it will be a big deal.

Yes, because children are gullible and easily persuaded, that's why they can accept lies and ridiculous concepts far more easily. Thats not an excuse for adults to groom them into believing harmful nonsense

Damaging???
You might get pissed off and come to the conclusion that they’re an idiot but if you are damaged then you’ve got bigger mental health problems that need addressing. Expecting everyone around you to collude in your fantasy would come under that definition IMO

It must be hard in health care. I am generally of the view that I respect people’s wishes if they want to have female, male, or neutral pronouns. But I do find myself blanching at “pregnant people “ “people with a uterus “. On the other hand, if a person didn’t access the healthcare and advice because the language wasn’t inclusive, would that be wrong too? I’m asking not telling btw.

Bringing DSDs into the discussion is only ever an attempt to muddy the waters and manipulate people into doubting the truths they know about sex.

There is zero connection between people who identify as trans or non binary and people with DSDs, as far as I’m aware anyway.

It is. It puts other people under duress. It creates, deliberately or otherwise, a power dynamic.

It’s not a feeling, it’s an is.

I don’t feel like working most mornings however sadly reality has a different view of the facts….

I think that clarity for the majority is the important thing here. “Trans men” and “non binary people” should not hold public services hostage. Additive language is one thing, and I think the lesser of two evils. So “women and other pregnant people”. But they are women, and basically I think society should stop pandering. Red lines.

It's almost as if children are vulnerable and susceptible to brain washing...

This adult agenda is not good for dc. No one should be asking that they can’t tell between a boy or a girl.

It started off with being 'kind' about pronouns and before we knew it 6 foot four inch blokes like Lia Thomas were getting boners in the girl's showers.

The tiny minority of people who believe in gender ideology absolutely have the right to think there are 100 genders if they want. But we have an equal right to think it's nonsense.

I would use the child's abbreviated name out of politeness, but I will never be forced to use the wrong pronouns. We have to balance our rights, and the rights of all the other children in the class - most of whom will also not subscribe to gender ideology.

The problem is that for years the people who believe in gender ideology got away with thinking they were the only people who's rights mattered. Thankfully now, we know that's wrong. And we have the law on our side.

You can privately think what you like, but I imagine it will come across very poorly to ignore the guidance you're given by senior staff in your workplace. I think that's quite unprofessional.

It's also confusing for the dc to have to make a choice about whether to report that an adult is not using the correct pronouns, or perhaps they'll feel unable to report it. A 9yo shouldn't be responsible for those sort of choices, it's harmful. So, I think that if you aren't going to follow the direction you've been given, I'd expect you to address that directly with your line manager, like an adult.

Though, honestly, if this is the hill you're willing to die on, I think teaching is probably not the right profession. You'll be expected to respect children's pronouns in any school.

Are you actually kidding?!
Or just kidding yourself?

The adult has all the power over this child. They have the ability to hurt, humiliate and horribly upset them. Nb kids are already vulnerable because they're different.

Lots of teacher are homophobic, racist and misogynistic. They would say those are beliefs.

Teachers and other adults within a school are in loco parentis. They are supposed to support, respect and show kindness to children. Anyone who doesn't is in the wrong profession.

As for parents supporting their nb child - that's what the they're supposed to do, as well.