Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

1 in 7 men in UK admits to having used a prostitute

100 replies

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 31/08/2012 12:15

I was taken aback to read this survey in which 1 in 7 men admits to having used a prostitute. That means I and all of us, must know men who have paid prostitutes.Does anyone else find that shocking?

www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/oct/20/trafficking-numbers

OP posts:
Snorbs · 31/08/2012 12:31

I am astonished it's anywhere near that high. Sadly, though, your link doesn't work. Could you try again?

Original poster
EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 31/08/2012 12:47

I cant get the link to work at all. Have found another study which puts the figure at more than 1 in 10 men from a Home Office Study in 2010. And refers to another study that talks about 1 in 12 men. For obvious reasons accurate figures are always going to be hard to obtain. But we are talking about a lot of men.

And this link works. www.metro.co.uk/news/810695-one-in-10-uk-men-has-used-a-prostitute

OP posts:
namechangeguy · 31/08/2012 12:48

I can't follow the link.

However, I don't think this is how statistics work is it? Unless they have interviewed every man, everywhere. What if it interviewed 1,000 men in Sydney, and you didn't know anyone who had been to Sydney? You wouldn't know any of them.

LastMangoInParis · 31/08/2012 14:06

If you go to work, interact with neighbours, acquaintances etc. and/or have a reasonably wide or varied social circle then you probably know several men who buy sex from prostitutes.
Are you going to try and guess who they might be now?

SardineQueen · 31/08/2012 14:07

I am not particularly surprised having seen figures like this in the past.

I also know quite a lot of perfectly nice, kind, friendly, personable men that have used prostitutes. It surprised me the first time I found out that someone I knew quite well and was "normal" had - now I'm not really surprised at all.

Original poster
EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 31/08/2012 14:09

I naively hadnt realised until recently how many men used prostitutes. And i do find it shocking that so many men must do so, including men I know fairly well

OP posts:
Snorbs · 31/08/2012 14:11

It is a shocking and depressing statistic. I can only think of one work colleague from years ago who admitted going to prostitutes, an admission that got a solid wall of WTF?! expressions from everyone else.

LastMangoInParis · 31/08/2012 14:13

Shocking, why, Eats?
And I don't mean that in a 'why so shocked, you bungling ingenue' kinda way, but shocking, why? Because of illicitiness, their loneliness/frustration/unwillingness to meet women for sex in more 'acceptable' ways? The possilibility/probability that they're turning a blind eye to trafficking, false imprisonment, etc. (and in that case may well effectively be rapists, 'unwittingly' or not)...
Shocked, why, though?

wem · 31/08/2012 14:14

It's almost exactly how statistics work namechangeguy. The whole point is to investigate a sample and extrapolate the results to population level. There are issues with how large the sample size is etc. but unless there is something particularly unusual about the men in Sydney (or more relevant, a city in the UK) it is likely that the percentage of men that have visited prostitutes in the survey is comparable to the percentage of all men that have visited prostitutes. And therefore, if 7-12% of men have visited prostitutes it is likely we all know someone who has.

FrancesFarmer · 31/08/2012 14:16

It is shocking.

I don't think I could be friends with a man who uses prostitutes.

Original poster
EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 31/08/2012 14:17

There is various research into why men use prostitutes.
So they can use women for sexual acts that other women would never consent to.
Because they cant get sex in a consensual relationship and so believe they have a right to pay for it
Because they want the control of a womans body

And yes prostitution is paid rape

OP posts:
LastMangoInParis · 31/08/2012 14:18

I don't think I could be friends with a man who uses prostitutes.

So how do you deal with this, Frances?

  • ask all male potential friends and hope they're telling the truth?
  • assume you know everything about your male friends?
  • avoid all men as potential friends?
LastMangoInParis · 31/08/2012 14:21

And yes prostitution is paid rape

Sometimes it is, Eats. Sometimes not.

And there are some men who buy sex from prostitutes because they want 'no strings' sex and can't bothered to make the effort of 'pulling'. Or feel that paying for sex is more honest than chatting to someone for hours on end simply because they want sex.

FrancesFarmer · 31/08/2012 14:21

Ha, I'm hardly going to go around quizzing all the men I know, LastMango.

What I'm saying is that if I found out a man I knew had been with a prostitute, I would have severe doubts about his character.

Original poster
EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 31/08/2012 14:21

Yes with stats like this, the reality is that we all probably are friends, work with or have close male relatives who use prostitutes. And they are hardly going to tell us!

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 31/08/2012 14:22

Eats the men I know who have paid for sex, it has almost exclusively been on stag holidays / "lads" holidays, usually in eastern europe.

Although I can't say for certain, obviously, I think that this was something that happened on holiday rather than being an ordinary part of their life, and the reason was the availability and "everyone's doing it" and that in that area on that holiday it was the "norm". Part of the reason for this is I doubt they would be so open about it otherwise.

Unfortunately amongst seemingly large swathes of men the whole paying for sex on lads hols has been really normalised (not to say that all the men in the group pay for sex though but for ones who are interested there is little to stop them).

LastMangoInParis · 31/08/2012 14:23

I get you there, Frances... Brew Smile

MooncupGoddess · 31/08/2012 14:24

Interesting Sardine - and depressing that it's seen as OK to pay for sex with Eastern European women abroad, when it wouldn't be seen as OK to pay for sex with the same women in Britain.

SardineQueen · 31/08/2012 14:26

Yes I think paying for sex in the UK would be seen as "seedy" and desperate, whereas paying for sex as an adjunct to going to a lapdancing club while on holiday is viewed as all part of the "fun".

FrancesFarmer · 31/08/2012 14:26

I know of a group of single men who go for a yearly trip together to Thailand. I'd like to think it's just to get sunshine but I doubt it.

Original poster
EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 31/08/2012 14:27

sardine - Do you think it is okay for men to pay to use prostitutes abroad? Does the fact they are on holiday make a difference?

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 31/08/2012 14:29

This is amongst the sort of people I know anyway.

I was also shocked when a long distance lorry driver told me that women used to go around knocking on the cab doors of the places they park up to sleep. Not sure why I was shocked really, but I was younger and more naive I guess.

SardineQueen · 31/08/2012 14:30

I don't think paying for sex is ever acceptable.

Not in the world that we live in.

LastMangoInParis · 31/08/2012 14:30

Yes I think paying for sex in the UK would be seen as "seedy" and desperate, whereas paying for sex as an adjunct to going to a lapdancing club while on holiday is viewed as all part of the "fun".

So once a lapdance becomes affordable it magically loses any trace of seediness?

FoodUnit · 31/08/2012 14:30

Most of the men I know who have used prostitutes all seemed to have gone to Amsterdam to do it in their teens and 20s, as a kind of 'try it out' thing as a group of lads. Many would not do it, but one or two would, and then would keep going back again and again in the same trip. They tended to be the kind in the group that would go further in just about everything- eg- taking a joke further, taking a crime further, being kind of untrustworthy/dark underneath their 'joker' personas with an odd lack of boundary. I imagine they still occasionally use them in the UK too - thinking about it. Also pretty much all men in the armed forces use prostitutes so I've heard, which I've been told very pointedly by someone in the paras that this is their right and you 'couldn't take that away from them'.

I don't think all men are equally likely to use prostitutes, there are many men who actually value reciprocity in sex and wouldn't turned on by the deviance, ease or power of paying for it.