Okay - get a cuppa this is going to take a while...
So Monday afternoon I get sudden shooting pains while breathing and my temperature kicks up to over 39. Tuesday, breathing is easier but fever still a problem. Wednesday I am feeling fine...great even and I go to work and play a badminton match. Thursday afternoon it starts up again, fever and breathing pain. This morning I am better, no fever but still some pain.
So I go to the doctor....I see a lovely woman who I have never met before (it is that kind of surgery). I tell her the above. She pokes and prods and then gets out her stethoscope, I imagine to listen to my lungs. After a while she gets this worried look on her face and after a microsecond of panic I realise that she isn't listening to my lungs but to my heart.
Me:"Just so you..."
Dr: "shh - I need to listen"
Me: "but"
Dr: "shhh"
Me:"You should know..."
Dr:"Just wait a moment"
Dr:"what were you going to say?"
Me:"I have a hole in my heart, it's supposed to sound like that"
Dr:"oh. I should have let you finish, it would saved saved some time"
Now here I have many choices, including simply saying Yes you might want to try listening to patients in general, or reading their notes before getting in a tiz etc but I take pity and opt for:
"I would have warned you but I thought you were doing my lungs"
This turns out to be a good call as she then diagnoses me as having...wait for it....a New Bra.
I try to point out that it was going better for a while and is now worse again and she rediagnoses me as being stupid enough to go back to work/badminton to soon with an unhealed injury caused by a new bra.
"Ahha" I cry "but what about the temperature?"
After a long debate concerning whether me and my husband are between us capable of detecting the difference between "feeling a little flushed" and "having a fever" armed only with a digital ear thermometer and more degrees from oxbridge than most people have fingers on their left hand, she concedes that I probably also have 'flu' and was therefore even more stupid to go back to work too soon.
I have retreated to the relative safety of my office were people only accuse me of being stupid a few times a day...and am reflecting that over all it was probably a 1-1 draw...although both goals were own goals.
So no antibiotics for me....although I'll take any spare that are going around just in case bra-flu isn't the correct diagnosis...