Is it normal not to share wedding photos with guests, even when their children are in them?

[Throwawayquestioning]

My SIL got married six months ago, and it was a lovely day. They hired a photographer who took lots of photos, including plenty of the children playing outside throughout the afternoon. She hasn’t shared any of the photos with us, although she has posted some on social media for birthdays and other occasions, so I assume she has received them.

Is it normal not to share wedding photos with guests, even when they include their children? I’d love to see the professional photos of my children, as the photographer was really good and it would be nice to have those memories.

I’ve sometimes wondered whether my SIL and I have quite different personalities, so I’m not sure if I’m reading too much into it. We have the same first name and then the same last name when I married her brother, and there was a slightly awkward moment when I joked about her having a different surname after getting married. It wasn’t a serious comment, and I wouldn’t have minded what she chose to do, but I did wonder at the time whether the joke had been taken the wrong way as she was adamant to me she was keeping her name all the way up to the wedding, when she took his last name, which I’d suspected she would do all along. It just felt like she was being deliberately awkward with me. There have been many many moments like this.

I’m not suggesting the photos have deliberately been withheld from us, as there could be plenty of reasons why she hasn’t shared them. I’m just curious whether it’s usual for couples to share professional wedding photos with guests who appear in them. We had a very small town hall wedding ten years ago, so it’s not something I’ve experienced myself, but I think I’d be happy to share the photos if I were in that position.

Have you just asked her?

We didn’t share the photo’s. It didn’t even occur to me to do so and nor would I have had time to sit about sharing every photo directly with each guest (I presume you wouldn’t be ok for pics of your kids to be shared with just anyone at the wedding so it would involve contacting everyone separately). Why can’t you or your DH just ask?

When you say share what do you mean? Let you see them? Surely not give them away? No one does that

i had to ask my dil

Now this may be completely irrelevant as I got married ages ago and the photo package may have been v different. We were given all the pics with a watermark on them and had to choose which ones we wanted to buy, so we didn’t actually have every single
phito that was taken unless we bought it. I suspect photo packages have moved on now, but could this be it by any chance?

it was a bit annoying as we were told there was a photographer and not to take photos, luckily we didnt listen

With ours, we shared the link to the album with immediate family. If the photos had been ready when we sent out thank you cards, I’d have included the link on the card to make things easier, but they weren’t and by the time they were ready, I was mentally done with wedding admin and didn’t want to contact every guest again. As time has gone on, I’ve shared them with other guests when it’s come up in conversation.

If I were you, I’d just ask (or get your dh to ask if you’re not sure about your relationship with your SIL) if you can see the photos of your family.

Have you asked? I don’t think it standard to be sent the access as quite frankly a lot of people wouldn’t care so it’s hard for the couple to decide who to send to, but also when it has come up in conversation with my own friends they have always offered to share them with me when I have said I would love to see them. So I think you just need to make her aware you would like to see them if you haven’t done so already

When you asked to look at the photos how did she respond? Give you a flat out no, give you a reason?

did you take photos yourself op?

Last wedding I went to where they took photos of my children the bride sent the images to me. We aren’t especially close. When I got married I shared photos with those that were in them too. It seems strange not to for me.

my cousin shared a link and code to the wedding photographers website so we could get into it and order whatever ones we wanted. they all appeared to be there.

I didn’t even think to share mine. I’ve never had someone else’s wedding photos shared with me.

It's your husband's sibling. Get him to ask his sister if you can see the photos. Would she refuse him?

It’s symptomatic of the fact that you aren’t friends that you are only interested in seeing the photos of your children rather than the wedding photos generally. Most family would say something like: “I’d love to see your wedding photos when you get them”.

I think asking to see only your children’s photos now might get you what you want but won’t help your relationship.

When my brother got married they shared all photos. Even gave us some framed ones for Christmas just after the wedding. TBH I would ask.

I sent on a few particularly good ones, but I don’t think that’s a set expectation. I would have been happy to share with anyone who asked.

I’ve never known general wedding photos to be shared. When I was maid of honour I was given a framed photo of me with the bride. When we got married we got one photo of us framed and gave it to the parents. If anyone had asked I would have been happy to share other photos.

may be they are planning to give them as christmas presents?

Oh yeah I meant ask for them all not just the ones of the children! Asking for the ones just of the kids could make it seem like OP has just used them for some nice professional photos for free, at least feign interest that you would like to see them all!

i guess the couple pay and to share would be generous when they might not have the time or inclination

It's standard for the bridge and groom to buy the photos and have an online album and a link to share that album with guests who attended.

What do you mean by sharing the photos? Letting you look at them/giving you physical copies?
Most people probably think a couples wedding photos are for them, should they be offering their photos to every guest?

Just ask. You’re over-thinking it.

I did send a digital edit of my wedding photos to the guests, but I think it’s also perfectly normal not to do this.

That’s a good shout.

also, she got married 6 months ago. It generally takes a month or 2 to get the official pics back. Life goes quickly. Maybe she and her husband haven’t had time to sit down and organise pics?

or she’s very unhappy with the photos and doesn’t want anyone else to see them?

I wouldn’t take it personally. I wonder if your feelings around the name thing have led you to over think her behaviour?

I’d get DH to ask her.