Is it normal not to share wedding photos with guests, even when their children are in them?

[Throwawayquestioning]

My SIL got married six months ago, and it was a lovely day. They hired a photographer who took lots of photos, including plenty of the children playing outside throughout the afternoon. She hasn’t shared any of the photos with us, although she has posted some on social media for birthdays and other occasions, so I assume she has received them.

Is it normal not to share wedding photos with guests, even when they include their children? I’d love to see the professional photos of my children, as the photographer was really good and it would be nice to have those memories.

I’ve sometimes wondered whether my SIL and I have quite different personalities, so I’m not sure if I’m reading too much into it. We have the same first name and then the same last name when I married her brother, and there was a slightly awkward moment when I joked about her having a different surname after getting married. It wasn’t a serious comment, and I wouldn’t have minded what she chose to do, but I did wonder at the time whether the joke had been taken the wrong way as she was adamant to me she was keeping her name all the way up to the wedding, when she took his last name, which I’d suspected she would do all along. It just felt like she was being deliberately awkward with me. There have been many many moments like this.

I’m not suggesting the photos have deliberately been withheld from us, as there could be plenty of reasons why she hasn’t shared them. I’m just curious whether it’s usual for couples to share professional wedding photos with guests who appear in them. We had a very small town hall wedding ten years ago, so it’s not something I’ve experienced myself, but I think I’d be happy to share the photos if I were in that position.

Weddings I’ve been to have usually shared the photos in a google share link, or facebook. It’s not often people get professional photos done so it’s a nice thing for people to get their photos out.
Just get your husband to ask.

Bride, oops.

in whose circle is this standard

Everyone who got married in the last 10+ years and is a normal person.

I’ve been to countless weddings in the last 10 years. I’ve received an online album twice. This is absolutely not standard

Yep, it is. You must know older people.

Have you asked?

I’ve never had an online album either and know people of all ages.

I am at peak wedding age (late 20’s) so been to about 4 weddings a year for the last 3/4 years and I’ve only received all photos on a few occasions, and all were family weddings where the link was shared into our family group chat. I’d say most of the weddings had a Google drive set up for people to share photos of the day to, but the professional photos have never been uploaded to that.

We sent the link to the photos but I knew the photographer personally and we uploaded the photos to a Googledrive. Not been sent the link to any other wedding photos though the couples have posted a handful on social media, and that’s over many years. More recently most weddings have skipped the professional wedding photos altogether as it’s got too expensive

Would you not be expected to buy any professional photos, so I would start with asking to see them all, then ask for the photographers details. Or am I very out of date.

I would ask her to see them.

I think it’s normal not to share (albeit 15 years since we got married so a slightly different era) simply because it would be a pain to share with everyone.

I had to ask my daughter, and she shared the link to Google photos,

All the people getting married were/are in their 20’s. So no. It might be ‘standard’ in your circles. It certainly isn’t for everyone.

Never occurred to me to share ours.

None I’ve ever heard of!

Unless you and your husband are especially close to your children and you I doubt they paid the extra for the photos of you all! The photographer always takes general background photos of guests as “fillers” around the main ones. Unless the B&G specifically want these ones and pay extra for them then I doubt they made the album! Don’t be “that” person who demands photos of “her family” at someone else’s wedding and make it awkward when they tell you there aren’t any photos with you in because they didn’t want to pay for them! What would they do with them?🤷‍♀️ unless it is to specifically give them to you which isn’t a usual thing then they are hardly going to have them in their fancy albums! This is reserved for close family and friends and you already said you are not close and have made some unpleasant/goading comments to the sister in law! In her position I wouldn’t have chosen the photos with you and your kids in! There may be one photo with every guest in but if that wasn’t specifically done and they like it then there won’t be any
maybe focus on trying to build a relationship with your sister in law and that also involves wanting to see photos of THEM - the actual bride and groom? The reason you went to the wedding?

To be fair to the OP I assume she just meant access to the photographers online album that they could then choose to print some photos from themselves

No. We didn't.

Thanks for the responses, it’s a general mix.

I didn’t consider that they may have had to pick certain ones to keep within a budget and if that’s the case, my families definitely won’t have made the cut. So I’m just going to leave it completely I think. As lovely as it would have been to see the photos I don’t want to put them in an awkward position if 1. They didn’t purchase any and 2. Give them the satisfaction of having something else to use as gossip ‘Now she’s asked for photos of her kids, how cheeky is she?!’

I’m also not particularly bothered about building a relationship with SIL as she’s not my cup of tea, we see each other at Christmas and birthdays and are cordial, that’s good enough for me.

Thank you for the advice

She paid for them so they're hers. So she can do as she sees fit

I can think of lots of reasons why she might not have done. But if you want to see them cant you ask?

Agreed. Not standard at all. Some people do it, but most don't.

I think the way the photos are received also depends on the photographer. Some packages just provide you with all the pictures digitally for you to do what you want with them. Others aren't like that and access might be restricted to certain people, or any additional photos would have to be paid for by whoever wants them etc.

There will probably be a link with a password. Just say, as PP have suggested, that you’d love to seem the photos, and is there a link they can share? No harm asking

I think it’s the couples photos. I’ve never even been given a photo of bride and groom for most weddings I’ve attended.

What an odd response.

Why would you want to be so cold to your SiL ?
Your families are presumably going to be interlinked for decades. Would it really hurt you so much to try to be a little warmer towards her, and find some mutual ground to chat about occasionally ?