Would you accept this money?

[money26]

I live alone and am sort of seeing a guy (it’s complicated) for a while, we’ve known each other a long time
he earns more than me and is living with his parent while he saves to buy a house (I already own)
his parent won’t allow visitors so he always comes to mine on average twice a week. He’s said as I cook, he uses my hot water for showers, drinks out the fridge, snacks, food etc he feels like he should pay something towards things and has offered £100pm

I cook usually as I enjoy it but if we get a takeaway he pays and will bring sweets/chocolate for me

I feel £100pm is too much, he says he doesn’t want to be a drain on me

i work as a contractor for the police. He has no secret wife, he had to be vetted as much as me and I am incredibly aware of DV, relationship red flags etc etc
he is simply someone who had a huge crisis and needed help from a parent. My dad would have done the same
we are just two people who enjoy being at home watching Netflix, playing with the pets, doing a jigsaw, reading and chatting. If I want to go out he takes me but we enjoy each others company more than anything else

Id take it and consider it a green flag.

How does he explain his mother’s no visitors policy to her home?.

If he is buying a house alone where does this leave you?.

Do you have friends of your age to talk to other than work colleagues and he?. Are you just good friends when all is said and done?. What are you both to each other?.

If you're struggling financially, take it. If not, then refuse it. You enjoy his company and cooking for him, and he treats you to other things. Its all good. He genuinely sounds like a keeper!

He’s lived with his mum and been “ unable to bring guests home” for the THIRTEEN YEARS the poster has known him ? You think him now he’s better off” offering £100 per meal and sleepover shows a healthy relationship?!

No he hasn’t, I’ve explained that a few posts up. He’s been back at home for a couple of years. He originally moved out at 18

She doesn’t like having people over, it makes her uncomfortable in her own home
it leaves me fine - I have a mortgage and live alone very happily. I don’t need a man in my life at all and have been very happy single for a while

yes, and hobbies which take up a fair bit of time. Team sport stuff mostly
we are exclusive but not planning to marry etc

For timescale as I don’t know why it’s so hard to understand
he moved out at 18. Lived with flatmates, alone and with a girlfriend over a period of 18 years. He was living alone and then had a health crisis and had to move in with his parent approx 2 years ago
while living there he pays but is also saving to move out

Does he definitely live with his parents? Odd that they don’t want to meet you unless this is an excuse he’s made up and he doesn’t want them to meet you. By complicated is this a FWB situation? You sound smitten so I’d tread carefully if I was you.

@money26

I think you’re getting an unnecessary hard time, OP. Some people are so cynical.

His mum is batshit, he’s doing what he can to get himself back on track.

You’re both being good friends to each other.

Maybe a lesser amount, or as he also offered, stash it away for emergencies, as a just in case fund.

I think some of these responses are a bit insane. I was initially a bit suss when you said he couldn't have any visitors but as long as you're satisfied. Sounds very plausae. I know lots of people who have odd parents and I would love for the kids to never have mates around as the house is usually a tip, but I'd never actually stop them 😊

Glad your man has a plan though as it sounds a bit miserable at home not being able to have visitors but hopefully that's her only quirk 🫣

I think it's a good sign that he offered. I imagine he feels guilty that he can't reciprocate hosting. It's a lovely thing to do when you're a grown up and it must be hard baig back at home after being away.

If he pays for take aways etc it most probably is on the generous side but it could build up into a nice little sum to do something nice.

Wishing you both the best.