Would you accept this money?

[money26]

I live alone and am sort of seeing a guy (it’s complicated) for a while, we’ve known each other a long time
he earns more than me and is living with his parent while he saves to buy a house (I already own)
his parent won’t allow visitors so he always comes to mine on average twice a week. He’s said as I cook, he uses my hot water for showers, drinks out the fridge, snacks, food etc he feels like he should pay something towards things and has offered £100pm

I cook usually as I enjoy it but if we get a takeaway he pays and will bring sweets/chocolate for me

I feel £100pm is too much, he says he doesn’t want to be a drain on me

He wouldn’t even dare try. I’m fiercely independent and have always said nobody will ever have a share in the place I live. I don’t tolerate much at all
My dad once walked off when I was being shouted at by an aggressive man over parking as “you were dealing with it fine and I wasn’t getting arrested with you”

He actually prefers the cheaper stuff
it’s decent meals but I’m used to budget shopping. I’ll make bread, cakes, pasta, pastry etc from scratch
lasagne with fresh pasta is probably as fancy as I go

😁 That sounds very cool x

I’d take it, put it into a separate account and maybe treat you both to a weekend away.

I meant the OP not your lasagne, no offence x

I think it's great. £100pm shows that's he appreciates there is an additional cost with him being there but it's isn't over the top either.

He could be a keeper.
😋

What a good guy! So many just take the absolute mick!

He sounds thoughtful and a keeper. Allow him to contribute if he wants to.

He’s not perfect but neither am I. This was when I had to take time off for an operation and was panicking

I probably wouldn't accept the money, but I think it's a lovely gesture for him to offer.

You are forgetting, OP, that he is living in a situation where he can't host you for his benefit. It's a sensible thing to be doing, saving money for his own place, but it means you are providing what he can't because he's "cheap skating" on his own living situation. Giving you a bit of cash, even if it's a little more than the amount you are out of pocket (which it may not be, really) is just a little appreciation for all the effort and money you've put into a place that he gets to enjoy.

I think TwitchyNibbles has the right idea. Accept the offer with grace and spend any extra on making the meals you share even nicer with a bottle of wine or something.

That is a lovely change from most cocklodgers. Why not take the money and buy him something nice or use it to take you both out somewhere.

well it's acceptable because op has accepted it. he's conscious it's a pain only being able to use ops house, so is trying to make it fairer financially. why should she have to up with him cos his circumstances are less than ideal given she's happy?

I can’t go into the details as if this ends up on FB it’s way too outing but he wasn’t working and home was the only option. He’s made a lot of life changes but pays a fair amount to live at home - rent plus the council tax difference, splits electric/water bills etc (parent is mortgage free)
He does have a goal date to move out so it won’t be a never ending thing

I have messaged and he says if I’m not comfortable accepting directly then we can put it in a bank account he can set up and it’s there for emergencies like if I need a tyre or my fridge breaks or something and to think of it as my savings account

I think as he’s paying for fuel to you and back it is quite a hefty cost so I’d not accept.

rules? you want rules in a knife fight ??

OP he is coming over on his mother’s heavy tv nights
for the grand sum of £100 a month, bearing in mind that
not all months have only 4 weeks in them

terms strictly cash
should he bank transfer, PayPal, write a cheque whatever, refuse
this could be a foot in the door tactic

you are a placeholder
soon as he meets someone he is seriously interested in, you will be dust

your last sentence^^shows your haplessness in this unusual situation

Would taking £100pm make you feel that he needs to get his money’s worth and affect your behaviour? E.g. you are tired and dont want him round, would you not end up thinking ‘but he’s paying, i cannot say no to him’?

If so then i’d prefer to not take the money.

That is such a lovely gesture.

That’s not it at all
I know this guy and have done for over 13 years. I’ve seen the worst of him, I’ve known him as a friend
even if this ends, we won’t be ending the friendship and I don’t charge my friends for coming over

I am not hapless, but what good does getting wound up about his parents rules do? She has been that way since he was a child. I can’t control it, I didn’t cause it and I can’t change it

I don’t think so. I’ve honestly never not wanted him round, if I’m tired then he will watch TV and I sleep on him or we have a nap together
we just sort out which days work for us between work and other commitments (I have hobbies that take up evenings and some weekends)

indeed - that he is not ‘allowed’ - denied agency
treated as a guest, a son, absolutely infantalised,
OP accepting a lowly £100 leverage whilst
providing the comforts of her home with services,
what a mug

How am I a mug? If I had a friend who came over weekly and we shared a meal I wouldn’t ask them for money. He brings stuff to share, he pays for takeaways, he washes up and now he wants to contribute

I cannot change his house rules, they’re not my issue to solve. I mean I could ditch him until he moves out or never meet at home but that’s going to cost more money

in answer to your initial question, as though anything anyone says here
will make a dent in your mindset, then

No I wouldn’t accept this money, but then, neither would I accept your
situation with this man, no I certainly wouldn’t take money in a formalised arrangement, I would feel it was offered for services rendered
I would also, even for such a small sum of money, feel beholden.

You have your own home, he lives in his mother’s house so there you go.

People questioning why he can’t have people around, maybe his mum doesn’t want him to have girlfriends round and the effort it takes- maybe she likes her house to herself and him returning home means he just has to accept these rules.

Wow he sounds like a keeper! Yes I would say it’s fair.