Celebrity Masterchef 5: Bring back the cheese and pineapple hedgehogs!

[Pebbledashery]

:)

Haha Swash has fucked up

Grace is looking well, last series she looked a bit down in the dumps

Their comments are so transparent.

Joes hair is so fucking obvious

Are Gregg and john just saying what the producers tell them

Swash needs a jet wash. That fake tan and hair dye is ridic

Cmon Mel

Oh gawd they are talking him up despite the blood bath

Oh God. Is John really going to forgive that?

Oh dear. Mel is in trouble.

That is not a fondant potato

DAMN YOU MEL - that was our chance to get shot of Swash

Oh speaking cock time. No one cares if they are late, it’s all made up.

Bugger. Everybody else needed to be spot on to be sure Swash would be sent home. Melanie probably won't be. Ten minutes late.

@littlbrowndog

How do they come from barely competent to fucking Michelin stars

There must be something in their contract that states that in weeks 1 & 2 contestants must...

• Pretend they've never seen a carrot
• Claim that they don't know what to do with mashed potatoes
• Drop several spoons/pans
• Put enough for 3x people onto one plate
• Deliberately under or overcook something
• Flap around shouting 'I don't know what I'm doing here'

Once they've fulfilled these elements of the contract they can do what they like.

Oh dear

Fuck off Gregg

Looks like fried rice

Please don't mess up, Melanie. We need Joe gone. Gregg is suspiciously devoted to Joe.

Oooh poor Mel

How much do I like Jimmy

I told you John and Gregg will do anything to get to the final

Oh and now Mel is going to be penalised for being late, makes no fucking sense

That duck doesn't look cooked either

I couldn't bring myself to eat duck

For Joe to get to the final, sorry for forgetting that bit

Oh ffs kem who couldn’t cook last week now doing this