First things first.
I have missed EVERY-FUCKING-THING because bastarding cats brought a LIVE VOLE into the house and it disappeared behind a oooh case. A floor-to-ceiling freestanding bookcase. A floor-to-ceiling freestanding bookcase FULL OF BOOKS!!!!
We've had to take all the books off (they are piled all over the fucking house!), pull the sodding bookcase out and catch the sodding vole. Little bugger was like greased lightening - it took ages and wasn't;t helped by the fact that three spaniels were behind a baby gate screaming with excitement!
So, as I said- first things first.
FREE TO GOOD, INDIFFERENT, OR EVEN FUCKING AWFUL HOME - TWO BASTARDING ARSEHOLE CATS. CAN DELIVER.
Let me know where to send them.
Second things second. I'm going to read the comments but then watch on catch-up - don't want to switch on this late. I will meet you all again tomorrow.
By which time I may have quelled my urge to drown the cats.