When do teenagers usually become hard as mine is still so lovely at 15?!

[Purpleturtle45]

I'm probably tempting fate here but I have a 15 year old son who has honestly never given me a bit of bother. He is kind, caring, thoughtful, respectful, works hard at school and shows a genuine interest in how I am and how my day has been etc. He often makes the family dinner and treats his younger siblings kindly.

I wonder if I have just been lucky or if the worst has yet to come. I also have 2 younger so definitely know I am no where near out the woods!

I’ve had lads I don’t know clearing up after a party without being asked. And giving statements in support of the girls who had suffered misogyny from a few dreadful boys. On her first girls holiday numerous English lads ensured the girls got back to their hotel safely as they were being hassled by a minority group of
older men. Their mothers should be proud imo.

Agree with all this.
A lot of effort put into teaching respect and responsibility. My boys were gentle and considerate with girls, as was their father. Perhaps it's a measure of the DDs friendship group.

My DS1 was lovely all through his teens, but hold onto your hat because the transition to adulthood was awful!!

I do understand your fears for your DDs, and their cynicism (my DD is a lesbian which I’m quite relieved about!)

Parents of boys need to be very aware of incel culture and the manosphere and ensure that their sons are surrounded by positive male role models to counteract whatever they might see and hear from peers and online. As a family, we discuss the news stories we see about VAWG. Both my DH and DS were horrified about the Pelicot case; my DH apparently discussed it with his (all-male) group after the pub quiz one week. There are many men and boys who are horrified, who understand that these stories matter, and who want to be instrumental in making change. They don’t want to be seen as being part of a group that is a risk to women!

I think and hope, that for the most part, families who are aware of these issues and who discuss them with their children and provide good role models, have the best chance of turning out decent young men who would never attempt to dominate, coerce, control or hurt a woman.

My nearly-19-year-old is still lovely most of the time. He has his moments, but generally he's gorgeous. I still get hugs from him regularly.

My son is now 20 and we yet to have our first row EVER.
He didn’t give us any trouble growing up, he’s respectful and kind and helps look after
his disabled sister . Some families just don’t have the drama .
Sounds like you are lucky enough to be in the same position as we are. I’d say just enjoy ☺️

I have 16 & nearly 14 both absolutely lovely

The test with boys is do they have
female friends who are strong minded girls not handmaiden types

How condescending of you to refer to girls as "handmaiden types."

My son is now 20 and we yet to have our first row EVER

Nowt wrong with a row!

My 15 year old girl is lovely too, she has her moments of teenage grumpiness but have had no real trouble with her

Daughter was a delight as a teen then turned into a monster for the first year or two of uni. Son was hell around year 9, but had lots of post covid MH issues; he’s now a delight.

Our youngest has always stayed lovely. He’s 26 now.

Eldest has had his moments, but is a wonderful father of two at 39.

The least said about my middle child, the better… I don’t want to worry you.

My eldest was...strong willed might be a polite way of putting it. The other 2 were a doddle in comparison. They're all lovely adults now, but the eldest still very much knows his own mind!

Dd was like this. A complete angel apart from a couple of weeks in August when her A-level results were due, 20 years ago. Been an angel ever since. Some people just are.

Two who have been brilliant. One an adult other still a teen.

Another to go.

dd 19 - few issues up to 18 nothing to major, turned 18 and overnight wow ! It’s been a hard year, but she’s passed her level 3 and has just gone to uni . I’m hoping that distance will help ! she has definitely been much nicer the twice she has rung

DS 15. Absolute whirlwind as a toddler (found it quite hard work) but such a lovely, Placid teenager. (So far ha)

🤣🤣🤣

My 15 year old is quite lovely. She gets grumpy from time to time but she's never rude or shouty (except with her little brother, but that goes both ways), no slamming doors and no defiance. She seems to genuinely enjoy spending time with me, talks to me about what's going on in her life and what she does with her friends.
I strongly suspect my 8 year old will be much more difficult as a teenager though, which is perhaps the universe balancing him out being an absolute delight of a baby and toddler/preschooler.

My parents dealt with 5 teenagers, all of my brothers had periods of difficulty, some very very difficult (to the point of having to leave home at 16), yet I didn't really give my parents any difficulties so not just down to parenting, so many different factors.

DD1 was stroppy at times but that was nothing new, she was the same as a baby. She wears any frustration on her sleeve. Though I would say at 15 she started to become calmer and to blossom into the lovely adult she is now at 21. She still has her moments.

DD2 was Little Miss Sunshine (apart from moments of total stubbornness as a toddler). But as a teenager was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. Very unhappy and anxious at secondary school, but much better after leaving to do her GCSEs online, (so started to be more herself again at 15) and is generally sweet, lovely and sensible as a 17 y.o. Had to learn, among other things, signs of when she is not ok though as she is great at masking. The worst time was 12-15, Covid years and would not want to have that time again.

They were always very different but actually get on very well because of that, we are lucky.

@jksiiuidjuf my lad is now 15 AuDHD. He has definitely got better on the emotional regulation front as he’s got older. This is before we add medication. He has got meds for the ADHD but only a very mild dose but this is helping keep him on an even keel and deal with frustration better. Our doc is keen on them helping emotional regulation as much as focus. He’s generally awesome. When he got his ASD dx at 7 they said the emotional age and biological age would even out about 16 and it looks like they were right. But we had many years of face palm moments, remembering that our smart kid who could chat like an adult was actually only x years old and had a younger emotional age than that!

Not every teenager is ‘hard’. Hopefully you have one of those.