When do teenagers usually become hard as mine is still so lovely at 15?!

[Purpleturtle45]

I'm probably tempting fate here but I have a 15 year old son who has honestly never given me a bit of bother. He is kind, caring, thoughtful, respectful, works hard at school and shows a genuine interest in how I am and how my day has been etc. He often makes the family dinner and treats his younger siblings kindly.

I wonder if I have just been lucky or if the worst has yet to come. I also have 2 younger so definitely know I am no where near out the woods!

My ds is wonderful. Kind, thoughtful, helpful and great company. He was very hard work until he was 6 months old and has been fabulous ever since

They don't all become horrible! Mine are all boys and they were no trouble really, the odd grumpy moment like all of us but generally kind, caring, appreciative, good company! They ate a LOT and were a bit clumsy and broke things without meaning to 😂

I'm one of 3 girls and we were absolute buggers! But we turned out ok in the end!

My now adult teenagers were fine. I put it down to the fact that all 3 had enthusiasms - music, singing, riding, sport - that filled their minds and spare time.

My youngest is nearly 15. He is a delight. My eldest is 17. Also lovely and very easy although her untidiness and lateness winds me up.

so far we have got off so lightly - praying they’re not saving it all up for an almighty tsunami of problems in their early 20s …

mind you they were not particularly difficult toddlers either, bit moany and dramatic at times but no major showdowns 🤣

I find these threads so interesting where so many parents of teenage boys find them lovely. And I am absolutely sure they are to them. You probably see all their good sides. It’s the teenage girls who get the other side with the obsession with seeing them naked and having sec with them. Whereas with the girls, it seems to be that if there is a ‘bad’ side to them, it’s the parents that see it.

My 16 year old is still lovely but 15 is definitely when puberty set in! He was a late bloomer. About 15.5 is when his voice dropped, height jumped, hair grew and when he did seem to just start withdrawing to his bedroom and becoming more teen than child. He went through a tricky phase for a couple of months of being totally disinterested in school, but it didn’t last long, got himself out of that funk and is taking year 11 really seriously.

He definitely isn’t as up for family time as much as he was, but he’s still lovely, funny, hugs me every morning, evening and when he comes home from school. We have a shared passion of horror so still watch films and tv together. I definitely had to change my approach to parenting a bit and start treating him more as an equal as opposed to a child, less nagging, more setting boundaries and levelling with him. He chips in, he works hard, he’s growing up!

15 was a big year. Expect changes OP, but with firm boundaries and love I’m sure it won’t be too rocky, maybe it’ll be a breeze; I don’t believe it’s inevitably awful.

I’ve been with my husband since we were teenagers in school. He was a good kid at home, and absolutely not a sex pest to me. You’re generalising. I also wasn’t awful to my parents, because I’d have been set straight if I was!! Girl be damned!

My boys are 22, 20 and 15 and they have all been easy through their teen years - no rudeness or outbursts ever. They were all much harder when they were under 2!

And I agree that looking at friends is a big indication. Funnily enough around the time he starting re-engaging with his school work was when he developed a close friendship with another boy who is quite a Jack the lad but focuses on school, he’s really helped bring my boy out of his shell actually and I think it’s helped that school doesn’t seem ‘lame’ now. He’s even talking A levels now which he absolutely wasn’t 6 months ago. Friendships are a powerful and scary thing!

Ds was a truly lovely teenager. One of my happiest memories is the holiday I took with him when he was 15, the year after his dad died. He carried my bag in the airport and took my hand during takeoff, because he’d always seen Dh hold my hand then too.

He’s never really had a difficult phase tbh. I am constantly terrified about him and what could happen to him, but he seems fine.

I’ve had three teens and the youngest is about to be 18 and they’ve all been lovely.

Am I the only one who thought you were expecting him to "be well 'ard" rather than meaning / hard work to parent ?

DD1 was and has always been delightful.
DD2 was basically in a foul mood from when she was 14 til she was 17. I lost count of the number of times she was told it was unacceptable the way she'd speak or act around us. Then a complete reversal when she was 17. Mystifying.

@PermanentTemporary , I seem to have something in my eye at the thought of your young DS holding your hand protectively. ❤️ He sounds lovely. I’m sorry for your loss.

My DS was always lovely. One DD seemed to be at the mercy of her hormones. The PMT was awful.
The other DD just wanted to grow up too fast. Drinking, smoking, staying out late. But never horrible got me.

I just see absolutely no indication of any misogyny or bravado in my DS, genuinely. Nor does DH, nor does DD, who is only too aware of how badly behaved some boys and young men can be, having been at the mercy of it herself throughout her teens, and who has been to pubs and parties with her brother and therefore seen how he behaves ‘in the wild’ and how he and his friends are in social situations where alcohol is involved.

If any of us saw any evidence of loutishness or creepy/abusive/dominant behaviour around girls, we would be nipping that in the bud very quickly. I’m confident DS is a nice lad. He’s close to his grandparents, and respectful to older adults in general. He respects his sister, and me. His friends are pleasant and polite. He often cooks for the family. He is kind to animals. He has a sweet girlfriend and they seem to have a lovely relationship. He speaks to her respectfully, and is kind; brings her a hot water bottle if she needs one and buys her her favourite snacks. I often hear them chatting and laughing together in his room.

I have to assume he is not a raging misogynist unless I see some evidence to the contrary 🤷🏼‍♀️

I work with teenagers.
They have their moments and some can be more challenging than others (just like people of all ages) but on the whole they are lovely, smart and kind young people who look out for each other.

Mines coming up 19 and I’m still waiting….. I didn’t even get the pleasure of the terrible twos!

My 2 DCs were never any trouble.

I think a lot of it is luck, but it's also a mix of personality, parenting, and who they hang about with.

None of my friends were bad teens in the 2000's. I did my homework and worked hard at school, was respectful, and just generally never caused any bother. I was lazy with chores but that was about it really. I certainly never got into shouting matches with my parents, slammed doors, and that kind of thing.

Apart from a few dodgy outfits both mine were lovely teens. Any issues were due to other people’s hideous offspring being vile to mine around the age of 13.

Honestly I think many (maybe most?) teens are fine. It’s just that you hear more about the ones who aren’t.

Stealth boast

Aww, that’s lovely OP.

DS was increasingly lovely from about 10 up. He has had the same girlfriend/wife since they were 17 and they are now 35 with a child of their own.

DSS also turned fabulous with puberty and is a delight at almost 20. He has butted heads with his mum but not with us. No girlfriend apparent yet.