When do teenagers usually become hard as mine is still so lovely at 15?!

[Purpleturtle45]

I'm probably tempting fate here but I have a 15 year old son who has honestly never given me a bit of bother. He is kind, caring, thoughtful, respectful, works hard at school and shows a genuine interest in how I am and how my day has been etc. He often makes the family dinner and treats his younger siblings kindly.

I wonder if I have just been lucky or if the worst has yet to come. I also have 2 younger so definitely know I am no where near out the woods!

I doubt it was luck OP. You reap what you sow, good as well as bad.

DD is in her 20s and has always been kind and sociable and hardworking and even tempered.

I wouldnt put up with the shit many parents on MN endure.

I just have one, she was an utter horror as a teenager, but, as a baby/toddler she slept really well and ate anything.
I see so many parents stressing about sleeping and eating and I just never did
I got the major payback!

From my own experience (decades ago!), an easy teen can become more trying once they're gone away and done their own thing for a bit. From my mum's vp, I was the easy teen compared to my siblings but I actually had more rows with her in my twenties because I left home and when I was back, being more independent, would do things like laundry or cooking 'my way' or assert my own priorities and that caused friction.

@Waitingfordoggohe may well be, and I really hope many are. But every single time either of my dds start talking to a new boy 15-18 it is very shortly afterwards that they’re begging for nudes. The parents would be blissfully unaware as I’m fairly sure the son has no vested interest in seeing his parents nude. There is a very high likelihood that on this thread of mums saying their sons are wonderful, there are plenty of them whilst remembering their manners to their parents that on their phones up in their room afterward, trying to get girls to do stuff.

Our teens were fine too. Giving lifts at all hours were the worst we had to put up with. And our dds’ hormonal rages, but I sympathised more than anything. It’s horrible to go through that.

I think if he’s not turned into a monster by now, you’re safe op. He sounds a lovely lad. ☺️

This is bad parenting, not all teen boys. They’re clearly not managing phone access well enough (nor teaching them respect of course!!) At least they’re showing their colours so your DDs know the kind of boys to avoid. It was always known growing up who the avoidable boys were, I expect it’s no different to today.

Not denying it’s a problem, but I take an issue with your Smug Mum of Girls sniffy attitude. Some of us take this very seriously and are very consciously raising our boys to not be like this. I was a teen girl once, and I knew the boys who were sex pests and the ones who weren’t. My DH was absolutely not like that.

I’m aware of the scale of the problem of misogyny @arethereanyleftatall . Like I said, my DD suffered plenty of it through her teens. A lot of the ‘nudes’ requests came from random adult men on the internet rather than her own peer group, but I’m well aware teen boys are doing it too. The sexual comments often came from men driving vans, but there were some from boys at school too.

DS, DD, DH and I have talked openly (collectively and individually) about sex, consent, porn, sharing images, sexual harassment, and misogyny. DS knows what misogyny is. He knows how strongly the rest of us feel about it. He knows it wouldn’t be tolerated. He has told me how he feels about the misogynistic behaviour of men and boys.

I don’t know what else I can do to be sure that my son isn’t hassling girls for nudes. If he did, hopefully the victim would report it because I’d want to know, just as I’d want to know if it was my DH.

I don’t think you’re going to persuade people not to be complimentary about their sons on the off-chance that their son is a wrong’un.

I’m so happy to hear that you guys are talking to your sons about it. I’m crossing fingers for my girls that they find the good ones. They and their female friends are mostly cynical now, and it’s me trying to convince them there are good ones out there. Or just be single. They might just have to wait for them to stop being horny teens.

I have a 13 and 18 year old, both lovely boys.

My eldest who is 26 was never a problem at all. The same can't be said about his younger brother! He is now 24 and a very nice man.

Mine have probably fallen somewhere in the middle. Occasional rebelling, a little rude here and there…we’ve managed to maintain positive relationships throughout. I do know a couple of families though who swear theirs are as pure as the driven snow, but I’ve seen them out in the streets behaving appallingly.

I thought the same when my son was 15. I saw changes in him from 17-20. He was really hard work during those years and it was the toughest stage of parenting imo. Now he is older and absolutely one of my favourite people.

With girls I’ve found up to 14 is the worst bit. After that it gets better and all of mine were very easy by and large.

Something that struck me about your post was the cooking dinner bit. I honestly think a huge aspect of raising teens successfully is giving them independence and responsibility.

So many mumsnetters wouldn't let a teen use a toaster or stay at home alone for an hour or take a train alone. That sort of thing is what makes a teen frustrated and difficult. And obviously neglect is also horrific for teens.

But the middle ground which it sounds like you may be in - where you show them that you trust them and give them ways to feel capable, that's brilliant

The test with boys is do they have
female friends who are strong minded girls not handmaiden types and do they see girls as people
of value. There are a minority of grim nude pesterers but the boys my teen DDs are friends with are not like that.

Our DD18 has been lovely for nearly all her teenage years. DD13 is hitting peak hideous at the moment having been practicing for at least 3 years. I’m keeping everything crossed she’ll start being back to her actually lovely self once she hits 14.

Anyone with ND teens? My youngest is 12, he is the most empathetic, kind child I’ve ever met. But he also has a very short fuse (not towards people, towards things and himself, sadly) he has AuADHD. I do worry how he is going to manage the hormones.

@Purpleturtle45 , I had two boys who were never anything other than delightful. They are adults now with families of their own and we still all get on very well. It didn’t end for me. Enjoy!

I’m not a Mum to a teen yet, mine are 3 and 1 but I think their friendship group plays a massive part.

I was a part of the “popular” group but our school year was lovely, nobody was bullied, nobody was labelled “nerds” etc we all just had our own friendship groups and then we mixed outside of school at house parties etc. We did the usual teenage things (sneaking alcohol, trying cigarettes) but I don’t know if it’s coincidence or sheer luck that none of my friends were into drugs/rude/destructive/gave the police trouble etc.

I was actually raised by my grandparents who have both now sadly passed away but I remember getting home from college and a random friend would be sat having a cuppa and a sandwich with my Nan while my Grandad was at work. They had an open door policy for my friends and had good relationships with their parents so quite often they’d answer the phone to one of the parents and say “yep such and such is here and I’ve done them a dinner, I’ll drop them home by 8” or the like.

My Grandparents spoke fondly of when we all used to pile in to get ready to go out (boys and girls).

I think it’s part personality, part upbringing, part luck and part who they mix with!

Thank you @jksiiuidjuf , @Waitingfordoggo , and @OneoftheWeddingPeople .

I think @arethereanyleftatall is taking an unfortunate experience from a minority and assuming all teen boys are like that, when it clearly isn't the case.
I have dds who don't mix with lads like that, and I can't see my ds's female friends being his friend if he behaved like that.

Mine is 21 now. She was genuinely lovely throughout the teenage years, and she is still lovely now.

Her friends were mostly lovely too. And her boyfriend who she has been with since they were both 16.

Not all teenagers are horrible at all - i used to work with this age group, and many of them are fabulous.

My daughter has got to 18 and has never been anything but adorable. My son had a couple of years of huffing and grunting between 14-16 but other than that he’s been lovely too. I feel very lucky!

A lot of people have suggested it’s down to the friends they mix with and that might well true in most cases.

Not in my DS’s though. He’s had the same lovely bunch of friends since primary. They’re not angels but are in the main, decent, nice, hardworking kids. I don’t believe any of them speak to their mums the way mine does me (and he wouldn’t speak to me how he normally does in front of them so he must know it is unacceptable)

It breaks my heart to be honest.

I am not a parent of boys, but I have known many teenage boys who are genuinely lovely and not like that at all.

Yes, there are the awful misogynistic ones who have swallowed a load of incel propaganda online. But there are also some incredibly kind, respectful and decent young men who would completely reject that kind of behaviour.

I take my hat off to the parents of dd's boyfriend - they have raised a fantastic young man of whom they should be immensely proud. Same with some of her male friends.