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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DD15 wants to go on the pill

74 replies

lookatmenow · 18/04/2017 12:54

DD is 15yrs old, year 10 doesn't have a boyfriend (that i know of), has spates of going out after school one week then the next always in on netflix or friends are at house.

She has asked about going on the pill for help with her periods. They cause her discomfort but nothing a couple of paracetamols can't deal with. She says she has heavy periods but again, only for a day or two then normal to light flow.

I'm reluctant to put her on the pill for these reasons but also don't want to risk saying no and wait if she has other reasons (sexual activity) which she isn't telling me.

i've spoken with her about my concerns above but if she's having or thinking about sex she's not going to tell me (at this time) so should i go ahead and book the doctors appointment?

OP posts:

JessKM · 18/04/2017 12:59

My DD (14) asked us and we told her outright she was too young, but have said when she was 15 and still felt the same we would consider it.

I think it's great your daughter has come to you, regardless of her reasons, I think it's deffo something you should give heavy consideration to.

I would definately make the appointment and go along with her and try and keep that channel of communication as open as it is now, it's nice she feels she can go to you as a lot of girls go behind parents backs.

From what you've said she seems mature and responsible and ready for serious decisions and the doctor will talk her through pro's and con's of going on to it.

usernumbernine · 18/04/2017 13:01

She's 15. She can get the pill if she goes to the doctor and is deemed Fraser/Gillick competent.

Why would you want her suffering periods that to her are difficult?

My elder DD was on the pill at 16 and the younger age 15 for bad periods that affected them, and I took their word for it when they told me that and so did the doctor. Why wouldn't you?

usernumbernine · 18/04/2017 13:02

This phrase "I am reluctant to put her on the pill" feels wrong to me when discussing a 15 year old.

You are not putting her on the pill - it's not your decision. She's 15 not 5.

Seeline · 18/04/2017 13:04

You don't have to make a Gp appointment - she can. She can also go on the pill without your permission/knowledge.
She is obviously bothered by her periods even if you don't think they are too bad. Refusing her now could push her to going behind your back, and preventing her from discussing more serious matters with you in the future.

PortiaCastis · 18/04/2017 13:04

It's her body not yours

BlondeGinger · 18/04/2017 13:07

I remember going on the pill at 16 for my painful periods and bad skin. A side effect of taking it was that I would be protected against pregnancy if I had been sexually active (I wasn't). Why don't you look at it that way? It's a medication for something that is affecting her, if the doctor recommends it for her uncomfortable periods then why shouldn't she take it?

JennyOnAPlate · 18/04/2017 13:08

I don't really understand why you don't want her to. I was prescribed the pill at 14 due to heavy painful periods and it made my life so much easier.

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 18/04/2017 13:10

I'm in the "better to be safe than sorry" camp.

I was having sex at 13, at 14 I went to the sexual health clinic, on my own, and got the pill.
Not having the pill wasn't going to stop me having sex, it just meant it was safer.

I know it's a hard line to draw, and noone wants to think their 15 year old is having sex, but at her age, the chances are she will anyway.

Please don't shut her down or disbelieve her about her periods, it may v well be true, You need to keep this line of communication open, as there is a chance she took the heavy periods route to gauge your reaction.
You know the next step down this line has to be a conversation about STDs, as things like chlamydia are spreading wildly amongst teens, and can have far reaching consequences.
So a talk about condoms, and why they are so, so important is vital.

And also, as PPs have said, she can go and get it herself, so support her rather than forcing her into secrecy.

hhorvath · 18/04/2017 13:11

If you think you can stop her having sex by withholding the pill you are naive.

user1487671808 · 18/04/2017 13:11

DD15 is on the pill for her skin but has said how much better it is knowing when her period is going to happen and it's been less painful too. I just think of it as another thing that has changed for the better since I was a teenager. I had awful skin, crippling period pain etc but was expected to just deal with it as 'its life'. Why on earth not make those teenage years as straight forward as possible, at 15 they've got so much else to cope with already.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 18/04/2017 13:11

My Mother didn't let me go on the pill, I was pregnant at 15.

My dd is 15 and started the pill 3 weeks ago.

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 18/04/2017 13:12

Also this is, IMO, oneof those "teaching bodily autonomy" moments.

She is 15, she gets to say what happens to her body (within the right boundaries obv!) and helping our kids make the right decisions when it comes to their sexual health is a good thing to do.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 18/04/2017 13:12

I went on it at 15 and did not tell my mum. I didn't have sex until nearly 18. It was about controlling my periods, not pregnancy.

Let her go on her own, she doesn't need you going with her for this unless she asks you to come. Just be supportive and positive.

alltouchedout · 18/04/2017 13:13

You won't be 'putting her on the Pill'.
You don't know whether paracetamol actually is enough to deal with her discomfort, because you're not the one experiencing it.
You don't know how heavy her flow is, because you're not the one experiencing it.
It's her body and her choice and at 15 she can do this with or without your consent if she's Gillick competent.
I'd be glad, if I were you, that my 15 year old trusted me and was open with me and I would encourage her to make the appointment.

theconstantinoplegardener · 18/04/2017 13:15

Well, I can see why the OP might be reluctant! The OCP has risks and side-effects, just like any other medication. Some of these can be significant: increased risk of breast cancer, blood clots, mood disorders to name but a few. Taking the pill every day, probably for several years, is clearly much more of a big deal than a couple of paracetamol once a month.

MrsJayy · 18/04/2017 13:16

Both of my Dds went on the pill at 15 they had horrific periods one dd used to faint. Your dd is suffering the pill can help her paracetamol and a there there is not only insulting to your Dd but isn't going to medically help her. She can go herself anyway so why not go and support her. Btw if she was going to have sex she would pill or no pill

Crapuccino · 18/04/2017 13:16

Whilst the pill isn't side-effect free, the general positives that might come out of it for her (and she'll have to try it to see) would seem to vastly outweigh the negatives. She gets a more regular period, she is on a contraceptive in case she really is engaged in sexual activity, and it might help with things like acne. If you're thinking that somehow, by withholding your consent for her to take the pill, you can stop her having from sex, then I think you're walking down a very dangerous road of hoping that abstinence/ignorance will protect her. It absolutely won't. Aside from side-effects, and she'll only figure those out when she tries it, I can't imagine any other reason why you'd say no.

I'd feel pretty damned happy that I was doing something right if my fifteen year old was talking to me about contraceptives, so consider this a big tick on her trust in you, and let her have your trust in return. I would be feeling like I'd made a mess somewhere if she wasn't talking to me about it, and I found out she was having sex anyway.

RebootYourEngine · 18/04/2017 13:17

I started my periods when i was 11years old. I used to get heavy heavy periods that would last a week to 10 days. I hated it and wished my mum put me on the pill at that.

I think a lot of people associate the pill as a contraceptive only rather than helping with periods and hormones.

If your dd has asked for it i would make a GP appointment so you, your dd and the GP can discuss it.

Bringmesunshite · 18/04/2017 13:17

She's 15. Is probably Gillick competent. You don't get to stop her.

Original poster

lookatmenow · 18/04/2017 13:18

i suppose i'm reluctant becuase i don't believe her motives.

Saying that, i would want her to be on the pill if she was to be having sex, but ideally i wouldn't want her to be having sex at 15 and not in a realtionship, but this is where i suppose i have to back off and let her live her life as she sees fit.

I'll book the doctors appointment.

OP posts:

theconstantinoplegardener · 18/04/2017 13:18

OCP = oral contraceptive pill, by the way.

MrsJayy · 18/04/2017 13:18

And if she goes the gp might suggest ponstan which helps a little bit more than paracetamol

usernumbernine · 18/04/2017 13:20

I have terrible periods. I went to the doctor and said I had terrible periods heavy flow and very painful.

He believed me.

What message does it send to our daughters if we ourselves don't believe them when they describe their symptoms?

I go to the doc with back pain, he gives me co codamol and naproxen and robaxin. He doesn't say I think 2 paracetamol will sort that.

It's minimising the effect on another person to say it's not that bad and why would anyone do that?

I genuinely don't get it.

Crapuccino · 18/04/2017 13:20

Also medically, there is enough research to suggest that for the vast majority of users, paracetamol is about as useful as a placebo. Chronic use of paracetamol (and we're not talking overdose levels - just taking small amounts over a long period of time) is also associated with long-term liver problems. IIRC, the population of chronic paracetamol takers is something like 50% more likely to have acute liver failure at some point in their lives. I'd have to go dig all the research back out if you're properly interested - no one wants thirty unsolicited links, and I'm sure you're good with google yourself anyway, but the main point is that this is not like this is an easy shoot out between side-effect-free Option A (paracetamol) with known-side-effects Option B (pill).

Helenluvsrob · 18/04/2017 13:21

Her body her choice. She's Fraser competent

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