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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Are all 15 year olds taking booze to parties?

111 replies

Kbear · 11/04/2014 18:14

apparently my DD is the only one whose parents don't buy her alcohol to take to parties...

I am remembering being 15 and drinking cider and hiding my drunk friends from my parents

I am remembering DH being the same and worse - so we have no room to talk about underage drinking but of course we don't want our DD doing it! haha

I'm not in AIBU but you're all going to tell me I am, right?....

advise please and sympathetic hugs about parenting teenagers :) and boundaries and letting go and other difficult stuff!

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 11/04/2014 18:15

No, don't know any who do this and I know hundreds.

Parents are not buying them alcohol unless you live in a scabby area.

Original poster

Kbear · 11/04/2014 18:17

I don't think the area has anything to do with it does it? Just trying to gauge opinion. If I said it was terribly posh Kensington or Woolwich would it make a difference then?

OP posts:

Maria33 · 11/04/2014 18:19

I don't buy my 15 yo alcohol. Some parents d, lots don't. It's annoying. I think 15 is too young for regular social drinking.

Original poster

Kbear · 11/04/2014 18:21

Agree, it's annoying, cause of another argument and yet more debate about being sensible etc etc

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 11/04/2014 18:23

Area/social group - all have a fair amount to do with giving kids alcohol. The area I grew up in and my parents - spent their whole time pissed. Alcohol freely available , no ID taken in shops - had no problem buying alcohol from 13 onwards.

MaureenMLove · 11/04/2014 18:29

I didn't give my DD alcohol to go to parties at 15, but I know it was there. I remember a 16 party she went to as well, where all her mates where drunk and given that she's the oldest in the year, it's likely most of them were still 15.

I assume a lot of her friends will still be 14 as well?

bigTillyMint · 11/04/2014 18:30

Well from what I hear, 15yo's are taking alcohol to parties but their parents aren't necessarily buying it for them. The DC say a local shop sells it to teens, but some of them (paticularly the boys) easily looked 18 when they were 14 - obviously not asking for ID!

Original poster

Kbear · 11/04/2014 18:30

I think it is quite strict in shops here about selling alcohol to under age - lots of checks, according to local paper. I think it's more difficult these days for kids to get it from shops. Not like when I was young and the oldest of us went in and just bought a big bottle of cider and ten JPS!

I don't think the kids are actually buying, I think mums are thinking they dont want to be the only one who says no and buy a bottle of lambrini. I only actually know of one mum that has done it tonight for a party which DD is going to - which brought the subject to the fore, hence this thread.

Just wondering if I am the minority.

OP posts:

kaumana · 11/04/2014 18:31

No, the majority don't BUT there are a few parents who do so. They tend to be my child is my friend type and want to seem cool.

Laurie These parents are do not live in a scabby area in fact the complete opposite.

kbear I was pretty much the same as you as a teen but our drink of choice was vodka. So, I'm fully aware of what teens can get up to. Even more so now that a friends 15yr old is being treated for alcohol addiction and he comes from a very much middle class family.

I personally do not feel the need to enable
my son.
I

PiratePanda · 11/04/2014 18:32

FFS it's illegal! Why the hell would you give your DCs alcohol to bring to parties??? I'm not stupid, I know there will be alcohol come what may, but seriously? Just say no, end of.

Original poster

Kbear · 11/04/2014 18:35

Piratepanda - calm down a bit, I don't need a lecture, I have said no. I'm just having a conversation.

OP posts:

Original poster

Kbear · 11/04/2014 18:36

I know it's illegal. That's what I told DD.

OP posts:

PiratePanda · 11/04/2014 18:40

Not lecturing you, m'dear, more of a general WTF?! at the people who do this

Original poster

Kbear · 11/04/2014 18:41

lol phew

OP posts:

MrsRuffdiamond · 11/04/2014 18:41

I think many parents will provide their 15-17 yr old teenagers with a limited amount of alcohol - a couple of cans of cider, lager, etc. to take to parties, on the basis that the alternative is likely to be them getting their own or friends' older siblings to buy alcohol for them. This might well be spirits, which would be a whole lot worse.

The reality is that they are going to get alcohol from somewhere, so I think many parents take the pragmatic approach, not trying to be 'down with the kids', but in the hope of some damage limitation.

Original poster

Kbear · 11/04/2014 18:44

They make it harder for the rest of us.

DD knows how I feel about it, she said everyone takes something, they are just at a gathering of a few girls, she's being picked up and coming back here.

I said take some J2Os and she got that choked up embarrassed lump in her throat, trying not to hate me but wishing I would just let her take it to share and then she wouldn't feel embarrassed. I said just tell them you don't like the taste, then you don't have to feel embarrassed cos your mum is an old fart who says no to underage drinking at parties.....

OP posts:

Nocomet · 11/04/2014 18:54

DD doesn't get invited to parties, but she enjoys listening to the stories the Monday after. They certainly get alcohol from somewhere.

If she did get invited, I probably would give her a couple of cans, then she wouldn't have to pinch it.

We are lucky enough to be able to afford boxes of cans and both DH and I grab stuff that's on offer. I honestly don't know exactly what's in the dark corner of the store.

heronsfly · 11/04/2014 18:55

I would never buy my 15 year old dd alcohol, she wouldent ask and I dont really think her and her friends are at that point yet
But I do buy my 17 year old dd a bottle of wine to take to partys, she is under strict instructions not to drink anything else and so far I think she has stuck to the rules, as another poster said it is damage limitation.

kaumana · 11/04/2014 18:56

mrs ruff The thing is that they will still get the extra booze from their sources and the parents end up adding to the pile. Of which, spirits is the first drink of choice. Your couple of bottle of beer won't be drunk till the vodka has been necked neat.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 11/04/2014 18:59

Some do, some don't.

Some don't but drink the stuff that others do.

90sthrowback · 11/04/2014 19:03

Yes it seems to be the norm round here (rural-ish Home Counties).

And I disagree re the scabby area - kaumama was spot on saying that it is the parents who want their teens to be their friends - typically middle class, liberal attitudes.

I can kind of see how it happens though - child asks, parent says no, child gets it off someone else, parent doesn't want their child to be seen as the tightarse one who is always drinking everyone elses booze and not bringing any so they sigh and think "oh well I'll buy a couple of bottles of weak stuff", and so it goes on. Also the kids all want to put up selfies of themselves with bottles / cans of alcohol so it seems more widely the norm than I think it actually is.

FWIW I'm relaxed about 15yo DS having a drink at home if he wants, with safe adult supervision, I'd rather he learnt responsible drinking around us than sneaking off to the park with vodka nicked from someone's parents house like I did, but I'm not providing him with booze to go to a party.

Delphiniumsblue · 11/04/2014 19:09

I disagree with 'scabby area' too, it happens in the best of areas. I didn't, but unfortunately many parents do.

sinningsaint · 11/04/2014 19:31

I started letting DD2 take 2 small (200ml) cans of pre-mixed bacardi/coke or pimms/lemonade to parties when she was 15 1/2. She is now nearly 17 and I'll give her 3-4 kopparburgs to take but maybe this is because we live near scabby blackpool!! I know full well there is more booze readily available to her but she told me last week that on NYE after having a couple of shots of vodka on top of what I had given, although not being physically sick or anything, she decided she was too drunk for her liking and hasn't had any extra since I for one am glad I took this choice as I now trust her to luck after herself when I'm not around like at the festivals she is going to over summer.

MrsRuffdiamond · 11/04/2014 19:33

When ds1 started partying, some years ago, I did a lot of research around what appeared, from discussion with other parents, to be a grey area as far as our knowledge was concerned. We were all very at the time to find out that:

It is against the law:

For someone under 18 to drink alcohol in licensed premises, except where the child is 16 or 17 years old and accompanied by an adult. In this case it is legal for them to drink, but not buy, beer, wine and cider with a table meal.

It is not illegal:

For a child aged five to 16 to drink alcohol at home or on other private premises.

www.drinkaware.co.uk/check-the-facts/alcohol-and-the-law/the-law-on-alcohol-and-under-18s

NurseyWursey · 11/04/2014 19:34

When I was 15 nearly everyone in my year drank regularly

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