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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DD left shopping on the bus. WWYD?

52 replies

TequilaMockinBird · 31/07/2012 17:23

DD got her monthly pocket money today and went into town with a friend to buy new leggings.

She's just rang to ask me to ring the bus company as she left the leggings on the bus in a carrier bag. Ive rang but they are closed until tomorrow now.

The receipt was also in the bag so Im not holding out much hope that they'll be handed in, but I could be wrong.

The leggings were half of her monthly allowance and she's upset because if she doesn't get them back and has to buy more she will have nothing left for the rest of the month.

So, WWYD if they haven't been handed in? Replace them for her or let her face the consequences of having left them on the bus?

She's been shopping in town on her own for about 2 years now and this is the first time she's lost something.

I'm tempted to just replace them but does that give the wrong message?

OP posts:
KatieisScarlettinSpandex · 31/07/2012 17:25

Phone the bus company first.

QuickLookUsainBolt · 31/07/2012 17:26

I think I would buy her some new ones, it's the summer holidays, so I'm sure she will be needing some money.

Could she do some jobs for you, so she is working for the extra money?

Original poster
TequilaMockinBird · 31/07/2012 17:27

I'll ring them first thing but depending on the outcome, I'll then need to make a decision. I'll also be at work hence asking now, in preparation Grin

OP posts:
scentednappyhag · 31/07/2012 17:28

DMIL did a similar thing last week, I think it's easily done.
If you can afford to, replace the leggings, and hopefully this will be a lesson learned about being more careful on the bus Smile

solittletimeandsomuchtodo · 31/07/2012 17:28

Maybe offer to pay half ?

Sarcalogos · 31/07/2012 17:29

I'd find a way fr her to 'earn' the money for a new pair.

Kitchen need cleaning? Younger siblings need entertaining for a few hours? That kind of thing.

MrsHelsBels74 · 31/07/2012 17:30

I agree, can you offer to pay half, that way you're accepting it was a mistake but it might make her be more careful without being totally out of pocket?

EdithWeston · 31/07/2012 17:30

I hope they're found.

If not, then I'd let her sweat for a bit, then offer to pay for a replacement in return for XYZ (insert helpful/desirable task of your choice).

HecateHarshPants · 31/07/2012 17:32

How is she going to learn if you shield her from the consequences of her cock ups? You are being nice, but are you helping her?

What will she learn? Well, she'll either learn how painful it is to not take care and to lose something. Or she'll learn that if you lose something, it's no big deal because mum will bail you out.

Which would you rather she learned? Grin

Original poster
TequilaMockinBird · 31/07/2012 17:38

I like the idea of her doing extra chores to pay for them but I also think Hecate is right.

I know it's easily done, I've done it myself. But then nobody bailed me out and I had to wait until I had the money again before re-buying.

But then part of me thinks, it's clothes so should I be paying for them anyway? She only gets £30 a month and that is for cinema and treats. £30 is probably a bit mean with it being school holidays?

She's nearly 15 btw

OP posts:
HecateHarshPants · 31/07/2012 17:42

Then, as others suggested, extra chores. But an actual £30 worth of chores, not a token 'once round the living room with a hoover' chore Grin

Minimum wage hourly rate Grin

RuthlessBaggage · 31/07/2012 17:43

You can get leggings for a pound or two. If she spent half of £30 on some and then left them on a bus...

I would offer to replace with cheapies only, with heavy housework etc to earn more money as an alternative - cheap for nothing, or expensive for hard work. Not just pushing a Hoover round, a proper job like cleaning out a kitchen cupboard or washing skirting boards.

Original poster
TequilaMockinBird · 31/07/2012 17:51

That's a good idea. Primark leggings as replacements or earn money to buy back the ones you lost. I like it.

Hopefully they'll be handed in though and I won't need these, I'll have a very stroppy DD for a few days otherwise Grin

OP posts:
musicposy · 31/07/2012 19:05

No, I don't think it's a mean amount. My almost 13 year old gets £25 a month and my 16 year old £30 (she has to do a few more chores). They can generally earn a bit more through extra chores, dogsitting, that kind of thing. They have to buy clothes out of that as well as all entertainments.

DD2 is big on the entertainments aspect so rarely has money for clothes. She relies on hand me downs and very cheap shops. I don't interfere, I figure it's up to her if she has nothing to wear.

I think I would replace but they would have to work the money off - first Wink

jimswifeinTokyo1964 · 31/07/2012 19:09

Oh god, do teenagers really get that much now? . Sorry, not helpful, but I'm thinking ahead to the dcs!!

musicposy · 31/07/2012 22:07

Well, when you think £7 wouldn't even buy one trip to the cinema now (it wouldn't here, anyway). Everything is so expensive compared to even a few years back.

jimswifeinTokyo1964 · 31/07/2012 23:51

yes, you're right. But the cinema mustve been £3ish then, so just under half my money. I can see why I only went for birthdays!!

I had a free child bus pass, & we used to go into town one weekend a month, & splash out on potato wedges for £2.20, then go to Menzies to browse writing paper, and Mark One to buy a top or a skirt!

TellyBug · 31/07/2012 23:59

If you're going to help her out with the cash, I'd at least get her to call the bus company first. You shouldn't have to ring and she should learn that when stuff needs sorting that she is capable of doing things for herself.

FallenCaryatid · 01/08/2012 00:02

I'm soft, and I make cock-ups all the time, so mine usually get one fault-free mistake. I'd replace them, and expect the error to be a one-off
However, mine do chores as a matter of course and are very lovely to share a house with. If they were a PITA I'd probably have a different response.

cheesesarnie · 01/08/2012 00:06

wow £30 a month!

no one replaces my lost shopping. youre too nice.

alistron1 · 01/08/2012 00:14

My kids get a tenner a week and feel hard done by!! I'd get her to ring the bus company tomorrow. If they don't turn up then primark leggings and working off the 'extra' for a sub? It's easily done tbh.

FallenCaryatid · 01/08/2012 00:18

But if I left my shopping on the bus, I'd replace it. Including any luxury items, I wouldn't think 'Oh you bad, careless woman, you deserve to go without'
One mistake like that I'd let go with either of mine. A second time, not so fluffy. Grin

thornrose · 01/08/2012 00:19

Wow, harsh, no allowances for a "one-off" mistake?

HecateHarshPants · 01/08/2012 07:34

That would be nice, wouldn't it? In life, you get let off with no consequences for any one off mistake. Sign me up! I've made loads of mistakes that I have never repeated because the consequences of them were so bloody painful!

Was the best teacher though. I wonder if they would have been one off mistakes had someone sorted it all out for me and I hadn't 'suffered' in any way?

Life is harsh Grin and you learn fast!

How would you pay for it, caryatid? Would someone else give you the money?

Grin you lot are so lovely! Not sarky lovely - genuine lovely! You big bunch of softies.

theredhen · 01/08/2012 08:12

It would depend on her attitude. If she was remorseful and upset by her own actions and you already feel she's learnt her lesson, then I'd be tempted to buy her a new pair on the understanding that she would be more careful in future.

However if she kept making excuses how it wasn't her fault etc then I wouldn't be overly helpful as she obviously hasn't learnt a lesson and needs the natural consequences of no leggings to teach her.