I feel ugly and old and frumpy [sulk]

[FrannyandZooey]

and I look like shit

I am 14 weeks pg and just look fat not curvaceous

I have a cold and my nose is all red and my skin is all grey

my hair needs cutting and I can't afford to get it done - plus I was cautious in the first trimester and didn't get it coloured so I have crappy roots

none of my nice clothes fit and the ones that do are frumpy and unflattering

I don't know what anyone can do as I can't afford to buy new stuff or get hair done right now so will just have to put up with it, but I am hoping this will be cathartic at least

[stiff upper lip trembles]

ooh wombling they sound lovely

could I perhaps borrow or buy the black ones and the teal one please?

OOh yes, and a seraphine dark grey jersey wrap dress, and a fab l/s tunic and wide leg trews from isabella oliver, and a v long maxmara black jumper and yes, i will email you.

WA x

ooh don't let me have anything posh

Ssssh Franny. Smile nicely, say ' the Max Mara sounds perfect.'

ooh no I couldn't

[nervous]

I will spill something on it

[elbows Franny out the way, broad smile]

Wombling! They sound lovely. I can just see her in the Max Mara. How kind you are. She'd love them. Thank you.

(actually big long jumper will make me look like heifer)

but wombling you are extremely kind. Please talk to my agent 100 about this matter

[starts to draw up contract with deal-breaking food-spilling clause]

[and not making franny be grateful for clothes that will make her look like heifer clause]

Hello 100/F&Z,

The maxmara jumper is v beautiful, but totally useless to me now as not preggers, it is actually very flattering! Don't forget that naything that is v long on me (5 foot nothing) won't be on you! lol about food spillage, it will wash you know! I am sure that you will eventually spill something on your preg bump anyway, I did repeatedly.

Jesus, I'll have the MaxMara jumper if no one else wants it.

It washes!

[strikes out clause]

The tunic sounded nice too, and the grey wrap dress but Franny doesn't do wrap dresses or wrap tops, I know this, I have done tops with her before.

She is a very demanding client.

I am dealing PW. You need to talk to me, nicely.

Bronzer, 100x

There's nothing going on here that a good bronzer won't fix

Franny, Quatt says you need a bronzer.

I do not feel ugly, old or frumpy Quatt. Read the thread. [appalled emoticon]

Yes I know 100x

But I thought you were F&Z's agent? Surely direct conversation breaches this good agency thing going on ...

OOh, Have I created a maxmara feeding frenzy! Lol, well, as 100x says, she is dealing.

[brushes hair hurriedly] Actually I do feel both old and frumpy.

lol Quatt.

Right okay.

Yes wombling, the max mara is in demand. I'll get you a good deal for it. Just sit tight, whilst obviously keeping the interests of my client to the fore.

[tosses Franny a bottle of bronzer]

Sooo Wombling. Let's talk percentages, let's talk commission.

Aaah! will do 100, will do.

bronzer? Do you really think so?

I love you knowing I don't do wrap dresses 100

I like the sound of the wide legged trews but surely they couldn't fit the both of us wombling?

(I mean, fit you, and fit me, not, both of us at once. They probably could fit both of us at once if they are maternity trousers)

Is there a hairdressing college near you Franny?

[inspects own roots and makes emergency appt]

I don't know

my usual hairdressers do train students and you can get a cheap or sometimes free cut there, but it takes up to 3 hours (they faff around a lot and keep you waiting as you are not paying customer) which means I have to arrange for ds to go to nursery and someone else to pick him up

plus I hate sitting there with hair all over face for 3 hours, every time I do it I swear it is not worth the saving

[creepy agent emoticon]